Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
Actually, I prefer to think of myself as a recovering over-reactor. But I admit that I do fall off the wagon from time to time. What happened a couple of days ago was a case in point.
I woke up in a state of exasperation. My week had been a busy one, filled to the brim with appointments, meetings and unfinished tasks. Never mind that I created and even desired most of the activities on my agenda. I couldn’t get past the irrational feelings of irritation and aggravation that I didn’t have enough time to do all that I thought I had to do.
So the fact that I was running late to my hair appointment and leaving my dirty house and piled laundry behind was more than I could handle. The car in front of me which I was certain was going at least 20 miles below the speed limit didn’t help matters either.
I ranted and raved most of the way to the beauty shop. Fortunately, I wasn’t alone with my inconsequential and insignificant ranting. My daughter was with me and, thankfully, soon became my needed voice of reason.
She calmly pointed out that everything I was stressing over was easily fixable and could be corrected — maybe not all that very day, mind you, but all doable nonetheless.
She emphasized that my getting all worked up was blowing everything out of proportion and was not going to help me accomplish what I needed and wanted. She was right, of course. I knew this. But the “Drama Queen” in me needed to be reminded.
I learned long ago that making a mountain out of a molehill only resulted in one thing — a big deal being made out of a minor issue. And whenever I made “mountains,” I made things more difficult than they had to be.
A couple of years ago, I recall a newspaper column titled, “Don’t sweat the small stuff when so much else matters.” It turns out that most of what makes me sweat is all very small when proper perspective takes over my sanity.
Most days I ask myself — “Will I remember a year from now what is driving me crazy today?”
Do you think I can tell you which days last year I was late for my hair appointment? Or which days my house was dirty or which days I got behind on my laundry? Of course I can’t! And why can’t I? Because these kinds of things are small stuff in comparison with the grander things that make up my life and my treasured memories.
I do try very hard not to waste time and energy getting upset over things that weigh not one iota among the things that do matter most to me. And I can promise you that the only thing that over-reacting achieves is wasted time and needless misery.
I find comfort in remembering the words of the Master, “Let not your heart be troubled” (John 14:27) and the Psalmist, “Fret not thyself.” (Psalms 37:7) These words of wisdom usually help redirect my focus and bring calm to my irrational emotions.
I remember when Jesus calmed the storm at sea saying, “Peace, be still.” (Mark 4:39) And his healing message also calms what seems like a storm brewing in my weary mind. I find my center again — no longer caught up in the minutiae of a frantic moment.
I hope my confession is helpful to you, my friends. Life can have enough drama in it at times without us adding more to it. Besides — sweating too much over the small stuff will keep you from experiencing and enjoying what is really important to you. And if you’re like me, you don’t want that!
Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
Looking for your Mr. Right may sometimes seem like a futile journey. Some “experts” suggest that too many of us are clueless about what we really want or need and explain this as the reason we don’t find a permanent partner.
Perhaps your love life has not been a bed of roses. And if you’re like me, you’ve been dumped more times than you want to say. I wish someone had told me, “He’s just not that into you!” These words of wisdom might have kept me from wasting so many days (or weeks) pining over what I thought was lost love.
I had seven years of dating prior to meeting my husband. And during those years I traveled many miles on the road from rejection to romance.
Rejection can leave you feeling devastated. It can seem impossible to get past the hurt. At such times I usually wanted to withdraw into my little burrow and hide away from the world. But time truly healed all wounds, and I found myself back in the saddle — at least until I was thrown off the horse again!
After a fall, most folks advise: “Dust yourself off and get back on the horse.”
This reminds me of the time Jesus told his disciples to “shake off the dust of their feet” (Matthew 10:14) when they were faced with folks who didn’t welcome them into their communities or want to hear what they had to say. He seemed to be telling them to just move on in those instances, to not make a scene, to not hang around and try to force the situation. There were plenty of people who would be interested in them elsewhere, just as there is someone who will be interested in each of us.
Some people promise you’re most likely to find Mr. Right when you’re not looking for him. And I suppose this is what happened to me. But just because I wasn’t specifically looking for my husband at Six Flags over Texas that hot summer day, doesn’t mean I wasn’t a hopeful romantic and very expectant that Mr. Right would cross my path —eventually.
I had spent my dating years implementing the “Are you my husband?” method. Remember the Dr. Seuss book, Are you my mother? A baby bird is hatched while his mother is away. After falling from his nest, the confused little bird sets out to find his mother and asks everyone he meets the big question — including a dog, a cow and even an airplane.
Every man I dated was evaluated with my big question in mind. And, frankly, after years of unsuccessful hunting by this method, I came to the realization that too much analysis caused me to miss out on a lot of fun and friendships, and in the end, I still had no husband.
A few months before I met my husband (of 28 years now), I decided I needed a new approach to my pursuit of lasting romance.
Friends advised me to focus on living a full and happy life rather than searching desperately for a husband. “Do things you like to do and you’ll meet others who love to do the same as you.” Good advice!
Psychologists say the key to getting off the dating merry-go-round requires nothing more than taking the time to get to know yourself before you try to get to know someone else. Also good advice!
So take heart my single friends. I believe God peoples the world so none of us have to be alone. We’re walking this life journey together — side by side. And we’re never really alone because our Father is with us.
Don’t waste time in dismay when your Mr. Today turns out not to be your Mr. Forever. I met my husband when I least expected to. The same thing could happen to you, too.
Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
Who doesn’t want a happy ending? I want to see the bad guy punished, the hero and heroine together and everyone getting exactly what they deserve. Some call this a craving for justice. I prefer the proverb — “All’s well that ends well.”
This is probably why I generally ask my daughter if I will like “this” book or “that” movie. (My daughter has her Master’s in English Literature and is a book and movie connoisseur.) She knows what I’m really asking — does it have a happy ending. If she answers “yes” to my question, then I know I can handle whatever problems the characters will face because I know the outcome will be good.
Even when I’ve been assured I will like the conclusion, the challenges characters face can seem so insurmountable that I begin to think my daughter’s definition of a happy ending is somehow different than my own. But it always turns out as she promises it will, even if the course to the happy ending is completely different than I expect or want.
I’ve heard it said that Cinderella doesn’t always get her happy ending, but I wonder if perhaps this is because she has concluded there is only one possible happy ending. And just maybe there is more than one way to find the happiness and satisfaction she seeks.
I recently finished reading Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series, and I must admit I read these four books faster than any books I’ve ever read. I had not read book reviews or commentaries, so I was completely in the dark about the story’s finale. But my daughter assured me I would be happy with the conclusion.
Even still, I read as fast as I could because I wanted to see if she was right. And now that I’ve finished the books, I’m actually wishing I had taken more time to ponder the unfolding saga of the story.
This wish has me contemplating my own life story. I know without a doubt that the author of my story is the best writer of happy endings. Actually, since God promises us eternal life, our story doesn’t exactly have an ending. “And this is the promise that He made to us — eternal life.” (I John 2:25)
Believing in eternal life is perhaps the best ending we can hope for — an ending that never comes. The promise of eternity pretty much dismisses the idea that it’s ever too late or that there is no hope.
Many aspects of my life journey have not turned out as I first imagined them. But I’ve learned, and continue to learn, that there is more than one way to obtain the “happy ending” in any circumstance. This has always required that I remove my own preconceived notions and limited expectations and remember that God has happiness as part of His plan.
God said, “I have it all planned out — plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
I believe in a happy ending — or future. It’s just that simple. I don’t want to ever buy into the idea that the world is cruel and dark and people are damned. So expecting and anticipating a happy ending gives me hope.
Lately I’ve been thinking I need to slow down and enjoy my journey more. What’s my hurry anyway? If life is unending, then what’s most important is the journey. I don’t want to miss anything. Every moment needs to be cherished, every lesson treasured, every triumph celebrated.
So I guess I’m not really in search of a happy ending after all — but rather a happy future and journey along the way. And I’m learning that the more I understand that happiness is a God-promised present possibility and not something obtainable only in the distant future, the more happiness is within my grasp right now. The future is tomorrow as well as the next hour or moment of our day.
I’m beginning a new book, and this time I hope to take more time to enjoy what I’m reading. Of course, my daughter says you know it’s a good book when you can’t put it down until you’ve finished it. But as part of my new goal to relish every moment in my life journey, I do plan to try.
Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
I often suffer from self-imposed tunnel vision. This means my visual field and focus becomes severely constricted. In fact, I’ve had friends walking toward me who practically had to tackle me to get my attention.
A forwarded email has given me reason to reevaluate the pace of my life. Apparently, The Washington Post conducted a social experiment that won them a Pulitzer for a story published in April 2007.
The feature told about a cold January morning when a man sat at a metro station in Washington, DC and played the violin. He played six Bach pieces for 45 minutes. Of the thousands of people who saw and heard this man, only six stopped and stayed for awhile, and about 20 gave him money as they continued to walk their normal pace. The one who paid the most attention was a three-year-old child. But his mom soon forced him to move along. He did this reluctantly, turning his head back as he walked in order to see the violinist. It seems several other children also repeated this action.
It turns out the man playing incognito was violin virtuoso Joshua Bell.
The concluding question of the email was: “If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?”
When I finished reading the email, I was immediately reminded of the country song by Alabama titled, “I’m in a hurry (And don’t know why).” And I must admit I usually don’t know why.
My husband suggested that perhaps many of the people were on their way to work and maybe even running late so they couldn’t have stopped to listen to the violinist even if they had wanted to. And I suppose this might have been the case.
But are there times when we should “stop to hear the music”?
Must our obligations and responsibilities keep us from taking time to appreciate what’s happening around us? Should we ever be so busy that we’re unavailable to our friends and family, unable to find the time for a sunset or a single mindful breath?
I suspect many of us would concur that most days we are booked solid with little or no time to rest. I came across a study a while back that said during the last 25 years American’s leisure time had declined by 37 percent and our work week had increased by a full day. The result has caused many Americans to complain about feeling depleted, stressed, frustrated and pulled in every direction.
And in January 2007 in Washington, DC, thousands were so busy or in such a hurry they missed a free opportunity to hear music that two days before people in Boston paid an average of $100 to hear.
I just don’t want to be that busy anymore. My new priority is to experience life more fully. I want to grasp each moment of my day. I want to take time to look around me and give my full attention to those I’m with. I want to eat slower and take more walks. I want more time to simply be quiet, to reflect, to ponder, to pray.
And I want to give more time to having fun!
How often do you not act on an urge to do something fun because you believe you are so busy that you don’t have time?
No more of that for me, my friends! I plan to hear more music in 2009! And I hope you do, too!
Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
Thinking twice or even three times about a possible action or decision is often warranted wisdom. But are there times when over-thinking causes us to become stuck in rumination?
The time of year is upon us when many undergo their annual ritual of introspection. People ponder and consider how they can improve the way they live their lives.
Too much analysis, however, can be like kneading dough. And like dough, a problem can swell in size and seem larger than it really is. When this happens, a deluge of negative thoughts and emotions can overwhelm the over-thinker to the point of interfering with forward movement and progress.
The ruminator becomes so trapped in the past — focusing only on negative memories — that he also becomes pessimistic about the present and fatalistic about the future. So perhaps over-thinking is not the best way to keep New Year’s resolutions and reach goals.
Thinking too much can also result in indecisiveness. And indecision always leads to inaction. I’ve often wondered if the disciples of Jesus thought twice when Jesus asked them to follow him.
In the book of Matthew we read, “And Jesus, walking by the sea of Galilee, saw two brethren, Simon called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea: for they were fishers. And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” And the Bible tells us, “And they straightway left their nets, and followed him.” (Matthew 4:18-20)
And yet another time we read, “And going on from thence, he saw other two brethren, James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in a ship with Zebedee their father, mending their nets; and he called them. And they immediately left the ship and their father, and followed him.” (Matthew 4:21-22)
It sure doesn’t sound like these disciples belabored much over their decision to follow the Master.
Again, I’m not encouraging rash and hasty actions. Certainly the prudence of thinking twice is unquestionable in many instances. Naturally we want to make responsible decisions and wise moves. But there does seem to be some truth to the expression — “the paralysis of analysis.”
If you are dissatisfied with your life, one of the best approaches could be to act more like the person you want to be rather than sitting around analyzing yourself. Aristotle put it this way: “We become just by the practice of just actions, self-controlled by exercising self-control, and courageous by performing acts of courage.”
Maybe instead of wondering whether or not you have time to talk a walk, you go take a walk. Or rather than questioning if you should go back to school, you register for a class. Or in lieu of hesitating to put in for time off, you take that vacation you’ve not had in years. And instead of complaining about the paint on your house, you go buy paint and change it. And in place of dreaming about taking time for yourself, you make that appointment to get a pedicure or a massage.
Or even instead of belaboring over whether or not you should order dessert, you order and enjoy it, my friend!
Whether or not you think twice about something, the end result always needs to be some decision and action. Don’t get trapped by contemplating, deliberating, chewing on and mulling over to the point of doing nothing — unless doing nothing is your decision, of course.
It could be that sometimes, at least occasionally, our best self-instruction is: “Don’t think — just do!”
