Oct 28, 2008 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2008. All rights reserved.
I felt like I was visiting another world. And I suppose that’s exactly what my husband and I did when we toured the mysterious world under the sea. During the time we were in Maui, a day rarely went by without us snorkeling in the crystal-blue waters.
I can’t help but think of and appreciate Jacques-Yves Cousteau. The goggles he designed enabled him to explore the breathtaking and awe-inspiring world under the sea. And now his creation had enabled us to do the same.
We were never alone in our fascination and exploration. Whether by boat or beach, we and our fellow adventurers respectfully entered the ocean to observe its domain. We were all immensely curious and reverent as we peered into a realm so unlike our own. And there was a great desire to learn and understand more about this foreign underwater land and its inhabitants.
As I came eye to eye with many a fish, I wondered what they thought about their nosy intruders. I wanted to assure them to have no fear, that I would do them no harm — that I only wanted to look and relish the beauty and uniqueness of their world. But they didn’t seem to mind their onlookers as they continued about their business.
Wintertime in Maui means seeing mother and baby humpback whales. In fact, they are why my husband and I save for this incredible trip again and again. We love to see and admire these enormous and intriguing mammals.
Reflecting on this underwater world tour prompts me now to ponder how truly wide the world is — filled with many different people and cultures, ambitions and tastes. And I wonder if I could ever approach the rest of this great, big world of ours with the same consideration, courtesy and civility that I give to our underwater land and friends.
We make every attempt not to disturb or harm the coral or any part of the ocean world when we visit. But do I give the same care and concern to the land upon which I live?
When it comes to people who have different interests from mine or who have different backgrounds, different opinions or who are different from me in any way, do I have an earnest desire to know more about them? Do I sincerely and respectfully want to understand why they think or believe the way they do? Do I give the same respect to other cultures and customs that I give to the underwater world that is equally foreign to mine?
Perhaps it seems a stretch to compare my response to life under the sea with life on land, but these are some of the thoughts that I’ve been pondering since my return from my underwater excursions.
It has occurred to me that I need to be sure that consideration, courtesy and civility guide my attitudes and actions on land and sea in everything I do and with everyone I meet. And I think I need to do a much better job of this. These life values should come as natural on land as they do when I am snorkeling in the ocean waters.
Peter, one of the apostles of Jesus, elaborated on what it means to show consideration, courtesy and civility when he said, “Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble” (1 Peter 3:8). All are attitudes and actions that further express what it means to live by the Golden Rule established by Jesus — “as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise” (Luke 6:31).
It’s poignant to me that no matter what life lesson I’m learning, the Golden Rule is found at the basis. So yet again I’ve discovered this simple command, when followed, to be the ultimate and universal guide to a life lived in unity and peace.
Oct 28, 2008 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2008. All rights reserved.
Disturbing incidents of bullying continue to make news headlines worldwide. And it seems bullying has a new face, or as some say, no face at all with the “cyber bully.” This faceless individual anonymously torments, threatens, and harasses others via the Internet, interactive and digital technologies, or cell phones.In the United States, studies indicate one out of ten students drops out of school because of repeated bullying. And harassment and bullying have been linked to suicides and to 75 percent of school-shooting incidents. Sadly, some studies have suggested that as many as half of all children have been bullied at some time during their school years, with many children admitting having experience as both the bully and the bullied.
This didn’t surprise me as I recalled my own experience of being bullied. As a young child, I was very skinny and self-conscious about my size and appearance. Getting teased about my size was a frequent occurrence, especially during physical education classes.
Then, through Christian Science, I started learning about my spiritual identity—that, no matter what my opinion or any other opinions were, the child that God created was my “true” self. God could create only the reflection of Himself, and this would surely include such qualities as strength, courage, fortitude, confidence, poise, faith. I was beginning to understand that I could rely on my God-given qualities any time. I remember praying along these lines one day during gym class when a turning point came.
Each girl had to do one chin-up and hold the position. We were each timed to see how long we could hold ourselves up. My turn arrived, along with heckling that I was too weak to even pull myself up at all. But not only was I able to, I also broke the school record for how long I could hold that position. That ended the taunting about my size and lack of ability.
In hindsight, I can see how accepting this spiritual view of myself enabled me to achieve my best and see the reversal of my peers’ perception of me. I was also learning that this God-inspired view must be true for each of them, too.
Some have minimized or dismissed bullying behavior, concluding “it’s just a phase” or “kids will be kids.” And some think bullying is a topic of concern limited to parents and educators. However, whether a child is the perpetrator or target, bullying traps children into destructive behavior patterns that threaten to follow them into adulthood.
Author Barbara Coloroso, who works in Rwanda with orphans from the genocide, draws a link between genocide and bullying behaviors learned in childhood. Describing genocide as “the most extreme form of bullying” in an interview with The Epoch Times, she said: “It’s rooted in contempt for another human being who’s been deemed by the bully and his or her accomplices to be worthless, inferior, and undeserving of respect. Once I have contempt for you, I could do anything to you and not feel any shame or compassion. I’ve removed you from my circle of needing to treat you as a human being” (November 9, 2007). If bullying remains unchecked in childhood, it’s easy to see how it can sow the seeds that sprout into racism and religious and political extremism that threaten the peace and unity of humankind.
Perhaps one solution is to help children find and value their natural attraction to purity and goodness. Mary Baker Eddy wrote, “Beloved children, the world has need of you,—and more as children than as men and women: it needs your innocence, unselfishness, faithful affection, uncontaminated lives” (Miscellaneous Writings 1883–1896, p. 110). Here is a call to pray for all humankind to protect, preserve, and nurture the virtues that are innate in all of God’s children—and this includes you and me.
As children develop an awareness of their own unique and irreplaceable value, and feel the acceptance and love of their divine Parent, they will in turn treasure and care for themselves, and feelings of trust and respect for others will be awakened.
It’s not too much to say that the progress of humanity, which includes all of us at any stage or age, relies and depends on understanding our spiritual identity. Since we’re each a child of God, we can expect harmony in our relations with others. Contempt and fear are not natural impulses; they can be unlearned and uprooted by the truth of our spiritual nature and God’s unending and unconditional love for all of His children. Contempt can be transformed into compassion and caring, and fear into empathy and love for one another.
Oct 28, 2008 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2008. All rights reserved.
It’s leap year! This of course means that 2008 has 366 days instead of the usual 365 that an ordinary year has. Have you decided what you’re going to do with your extra 24 hours?If you’ve ever watched the television series “24” — which lives out a day in the life of Jack Bauer — you would know that every hour of a day is important and can even change the world.
Wars can last for years and then end in one day. Presidential campaigns last for months, but in one day we elect a new president. Yes, each and every day — each hour of each day — brings with it endless possibilities and extraordinary potential.
Maybe you feel like one day merely follows the next with little difference, so you see no benefit to adding one more day to your weary year. Perhaps you see each of your days as trapped in a repetitious grind, much like Bill Murray in the 1993 movie, “Groundhog Day.” The movie depicts a man reliving the same day over and over again. And he is not to get out of its vicious cycle until he becomes a better person and lives the day to its full potential.
The song lyrics may have it right: “What a difference a day makes. And the difference is you.” Do you have any idea of just how much of a difference you can make and probably are now making in the lives of others? I suspect not.
Many of us get so caught up in the point of view that our days matter little that we convince ourselves our days are mundane and pointless. Since our attitudes can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, perhaps we need to take more care of how we think. So our solution is found not so much in the “what” of our day, but in the “how.”
How do you spend your day? Are you happy, sad, angry, satisfied, inspired or bored? Do you rehash yesterday’s mistakes? Stew over yesterday’s words? Fret about tomorrow’s uncertainties? Or perhaps you spend your day waiting for it to end?
The difference in your day is up to you! Again and again I’ve learned that my expectations never fail me. Regardless of the details of my day, if I expect my day to be bland, dull, unimaginative and tired, it most certainly will be.
Fortunately, there is much advice available to help. The Psalmist promises, “This is the day which the Lord hath made: we will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalms 118:24). I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t welcome the promise of being happy every day of his life.
Jesus taught, “You’re blessed when you get your inside-world — your mind and heart — put right. Then you can see God in the outside-world.” (Matthew 5:8)
This idea of being blessed — happy, satisfied, inspired — sounds like the kingdom of heaven to me, and Jesus said, “The kingdom of God doesn’t come by counting the days on the calendar.” He said, “The kingdom of God is within you.” (Luke 17:20-21). So, waiting for your day to end or for the weekend to arrive or for the season to change doesn’t hold the promise of better and satisfying days.
Why wait? Why not make your day be the best it can be right now?
It is possible, my friend, to inject new life into each day. We begin by striving to make each day unique. This requires investing in our day — taking what we perceive as a humdrum, old-hat and stale day and clothing it with freshness, fervor, zest, interest and passion in everything we do and with everyone we share moments with.
I’m here to tell you that not only is it possible for you to do this, but it’s quite necessary if you want to shift your days from the mundane to the monumental. And you’ll see the difference in your day right now!
Oct 28, 2008 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2008. All rights reserved.
Public shootings at high schools, college campuses, shopping malls, city council meetings or church services have become more and more rampant in recent years. And following these tragic events, the same questions are asked, including: What reason did the gunman have for his deadly actions? We hunger to understand the rationale that leads someone to do what most of us consider as the unimaginable. And yet we’re quite certain there is no explanation that is justifiable. No one is ever entitled to takes the lives of others or make others suffer. Nor is one entitled to end his own life.
Whatever the reasons, these gunmen seem completely absorbed by a victim mentality, blaming everyone else for what has happened in their world. They have allowed themselves to believe they have no power, control or choice — feeling there is nothing they can do to make things better in a world they believe has been so unfair to them. There is hopelessness, bitterness, resentment, anger. And in the end, the gunmen perhaps feel their violent actions are forced on them, as if no other alternative is available. But they are wrong.
I don’t pretend to know or understand what goes on in the minds of these gunmen. But I have spent years trying to understand what my dad may have felt when his marriage to my mom ended, when I was 10 years old.
My dad wanted to end his life. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts, this time he announced his plan to kill my mom and me before ending his own life. He revealed this plan to my grandmother as he stood on her front porch with a gun to his head. Fortunately, my grandmother reached my mom on the telephone to warn her in time for us to escape. I never saw my dad again. He died a few months later.
But I’ve often wondered what my dad was feeling that made him want to end my life and his. Of course, I don’t know and never will. But I know what message I would like to have given to him:
“Dear Dad,
“You are loved. Not just by me but by your Father-Mother God. You are wanted and needed. You have a purpose that should be fulfilled. Your life is important and worthy to be lived fully. You are valued.
“There is always a new day, Dad. And there are infinite possibilities — many you’ve yet to imagine and experience. Maybe your life feels totally dark right now, but darkness is always followed by dawn. Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. Some changes may not be easy. But everything we face in our lives can lead to happier and better times — albeit sometimes different than we first planned.
“I will probably never fully understand all the reasons that led to the divorce. Perhaps there are many things that both you and Mom wish you could have changed or could have done differently. Maybe it is better for you both to move on with your lives at this time — separately. It doesn’t seem like it will help either of you to blame each other or anyone else. And if either of you overindulges in self-pity, you’ll never find your way out of what seems to be a hurtful past for you both.
“There can be a future, Dad — one in which you and I can still share special father-daughter times. I so want to have these times with you. If you take my life and your own, these can never be.
“Your life doesn’t have to be over. I don’t want mine to be. I really don’t think it possible for anyone to ruin your life. God gives you life, Dad. And God will help and guide you each day of your life. With God, you can overcome and withstand the difficult times. Only listen. Only be willing to open your thoughts to His direction, even if it means you’ll be traveling down a road you had not expected. God only wants good for His precious children. And that includes you, since you are a beloved son of God.
“You have a choice to make, Dad. Choose life. Choose to continue on your life journey and expect better tomorrows. Tomorrow will come.”
I never got to say these words to my dad. So, I offer them now to any of you who may be feeling that your life is over or who may be contemplating ending the lives of others along with your own. Please don’t do it. Choose life, my friend. And let tomorrow come. With God’s help, tomorrow will be better. And yes, it may take a few tomorrows before you believe me. But don’t give up. Don’t lose your hope.
Remember — God loves you. You are not alone.
Oct 28, 2008 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2008. All rights reserved.
In my early married days, I often struggled with bouts of extreme sadness and anger as well as paranoia and fear. Unbeknownst to my dear husband — and myself, actually — I was suffering from a bite by the green-eyed monster. Jealousy is a nasty beast. And its wounds, if left undetected and untreated, can devastate a relationship. I was yet to learn that jealousy is not the same as love. Sometimes people equate feeling jealous about someone with loving them. I’m here to tell you that jealousy is not love but rather the fear of losing love.
Sadly, jealousy is all too familiar in human relationships. In fact, it has been reported wherever researchers have looked, in every culture, taking a variety of forms. Indeed, jealousy is an enduring topic of interest for scientists, songwriters, romance novelists and theologians.
Of the human emotions, sociologists say jealousy is one of the most powerful and painful. And it is deadly. Statistical studies rank jealousy as the third most common motive for murder. Jealousy certainly seemed to be Cain’s motivation for killing his brother, Abel (Genesis 4:1-8). It seemed to be what impelled Joseph’s brothers to sell him into slavery (Genesis, Chapter 37). And it probably was part of the reason the Pharisees hated Jesus.
But — is jealousy normal, natural and unavoidable?
Without a doubt, it is impossible to think clearly when you are jealous. Truth gets distorted, reason becomes clouded and emotion turns irrational.
For me, jealousy could have been defined as the emotional reaction to a scenario in my mind that was not true. I often perceived situations and people as threats. I also had a deep fear of loss or betrayal, although this belief was completely unfounded. While I sensed my insecurities were without basis, I didn’t know how to make a change.
Overcoming jealousy is like changing any emotional reaction or behavior. It begins with awareness.
In my search for help, I read Mary Baker Eddy’s writings on marriage and wedlock. The first statement that grabbed my attention was “Jealousy is the grave of the affections.” She wrote of the “narrowness and jealousy” that seeks to confine a wife or a husband. And she emphasized that home “should be the centre, though not the boundary, of the affections.”
I was beginning to understand that living by the “Golden Rule” was imperative in marriage, as in all walks of life. As Jesus put it, “Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them” (Matthew 7:12). I certainly would not have liked my husband restricting my time spent with my friends or family. And I would not have liked being made to feel guilty about the time I did spend. But my husband was never the one who did these things — only me.
I knew my husband loved me and wanted me to be happy. He endeavored to do whatever he could to make me happy. He was a good friend to his many friends and a faithful and loving son to his parents. Should such admirable qualities and actions be punished by his wife?
So where did my unwarranted fear of losing his love come from?
It seems I needed to learn more about God’s infinite and unconditional love for me. And I needed to become more aware of my spiritual identity as the woman God created — a whole-souled woman who, too, loves unconditionally.
Such a woman knows well the spiritual strength and fortitude her Father endowed her with. And she knows well how to live love, as Paul defined in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13. This love “cares more for others than for herself; doesn’t want what it doesn’t have; doesn’t have a swelled head; isn’t always ‘me’ first; doesn’t keep score of the mistakes of others; doesn’t revel when others grovel; always looks for the best; never looks back.”
She has great patience and sees and appreciates goodness in everyone. With a congenial temperament, she is not easily agitated. Her love is expansive enough to neutralize any friction. And she is determined not to be offended when no wrong is meant.
It turns out God had given me the antidote for bites from the green-eyed monster. It was my whole-souled womanhood. Putting these qualities into practice in my marriage healed my jealousy wounds and built a permanent and powerful defense, enabling me to ward off any future approaches of this nasty beast. And my romance and marriage with my husband is 28 years strong in love.
