Oct 27, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
I’ve been visiting my daughter and son-in-law these past few days. As some readers of my columns may recall, my son-in-law is in the Air Force. And I continue to be ever humbled by his and other soldiers’ willingness to protect and defend our country.
The sacrifices these men and women make as a result of their commitment are vast indeed. My recent visit has taught me there is much more involved than the accomplishment of their many responsibilities and duties, however. Their “readiness” also requires much practice. They spend countless hours in readiness exercises and mission planning before executing their respective jobs and assignments.
I can’t help but ask myself, “Am I adequately equipped for each of my days?” Or perhaps this question includes other questions. Such as, “Am I prepared for the unexpected?” Or in the wake of the recent California fires, if I had to flee my house in the next five minutes, would I be ready?
Many books and websites provide useful and practical tips and suggestions for preparing for emergencies and disasters. But undoubtedly living through a major catastrophe in one’s life will require much more than an escape plan and survival kit, good and important though they may be.
Is prayer and Bible study more important to our life readiness than we realize?
Shortly after her divorce, my mom certainly illustrated for me the benefit of prayer and turning to the Bible for direction and guidance when she and I were forced to leave our home one night. We were attempting to escape from my dad, who we were certain was en route to kill us both before taking his own life. We grabbed what we could in about “five minutes” and left, never to return. I’ve written about this experience before.
From what I can recall now, some 40 years later, losing most all that we owned was not the end of our world. Nor did experiencing this unexpected trauma cause permanent emotional scars. Yes, there were undesirable difficult times I would never want anyone to experience. But it seems my mom’s daily practice of prayer and study, in spite of grave circumstances, inspired her with hope and encouragement, enabled her to feel gratitude and peace of mind, and gave her courage and vision to start a new life for us both.
I must admit that I don’t always set aside time daily for study and prayer. Sometimes I think I’m just too busy with the many details of my day to take time for what would make me more ready for implementing the details of my day. Remembering our American soldiers, I can see the import and value of readiness practice and how this practice enables one to accomplish exactly what needs to be accomplished in the most efficient and accurate way.
Paul gives us instruction that supports the idea of our readiness practice. He says, “Study to show thyself approved unto God …. rightly dividing the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). I’ve always taken this to mean that Bible study would help me to better understand God and how to fulfill my divine purpose. And he says, “Pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). I think Paul saw prayer as a daily, hourly, moment-by-moment guide to our life, not something we do only at bedtime, before a meal or on Sunday. How can we know and live God’s will for our lives without listening for His constant directing?
I’m making a commitment to be more diligent in my readiness practice each day. Perhaps some days I will spend more hours in study, but I’m going to remind myself that prayer is a constant between God and me. That no matter what is happening around me or to me, I will never forget for a moment that God is all, that God is Love, that God is omnipotent and ever-present. I’m pledging to maintain my post of spiritual observation and never desert it.
No task is impossible to do and no calamity is impossible to overcome with the divine Infinite guiding our every step. Daily readiness and preparation will keep us poised for action and equipped for progress and victory.
Oct 26, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
What is the most recognized symbol in the world? A happy face.
Drawing a simple happy face is not, however, a modern phenomenon. In fact, researchers of ancient hieroglyphs have discovered some remarkably similar images to the grinning character we’ve come to know and love today. A smile has apparently long had a similar meaning in every language and culture.
Do you ever have days when a smile is hard to come by? No matter how hard you try, you just can’t bring a smile to your face. Your world feels so consumed with stress, grief or anguish that you feel there is nothing to smile about, nothing to look forward to, no hope for a happier day.
I can’t help but be reminded of a couple of famous songs. Nat King Cole’s “Smile” is the first one that comes to mind, with lyrics such as “Smile though your heart is aching … smile through your fear and sorrow … you’ll find that life is still worthwhile if you just smile.”
Next is the song from the Broadway musical “Bye Bye Birdie” — “Put on a Happy Face.” Its lyrics “Gray skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face” always makes me smile. And there are more lines that pep me up: “Brush off the clouds and cheer up … take off the gloomy mask of tragedy … pick out a pleasant outlook … wipe off that full of doubt look.”
And I love this remedy for what ails you: “If you’re feeling cross and bitterish, don’t sit and whine, think of banana split and licorice, and you’ll feel fine.”
Perhaps you may be a bit unsure that such a philosophy could bring positive and practical results. Yet even recent medical research has concluded that happy people live longer and lead healthier lives. But perhaps you’re thinking: Being happy is easier to say than do.
When our daughter was a toddler and lost her sunny disposition, we would tell her to go back to her room and find her happy face and come back when she found it. Generally, it would not be long before she would join us again with the biggest and grandest grin possible on such a little face. And her precious smile resulted in smiles from me and her daddy.
But maybe you’re thinking that you have nothing to be happy about. Or maybe you’re thinking that you’ve tried and just can’t find happiness. So, how can you put on a happy face?
Actually, I don’t believe happiness is found. I think it’s chosen and lived. I recall once reading that happiness is not a destination, but a manner of traveling. The Bible encourages life choices such as “rejoice,” “be glad” and “shout for joy.” And there’s a promise that comes from choosing joy as a framework for approaching life, ” … ye shall go out with joy and be led forth with peace” (Isaiah 55:12).
Have you ever tried giving the gift of a smile, even when you didn’t think you had anything to smile about? What if your smile could lift someone’s spirits, make someone feel better about himself, help someone to feel important, appreciated, wanted, accepted? Perhaps your smile would invite someone to share his troubles with you and give you a further opportunity to encourage, console, inspire. You just might discover that you are happiest when you give and do for others.
Still not happy? Change your expectations. My mamma has always said, “What goes around, comes around.” You bring your expectations into your experience. With joy as a foundation for your actions and attitude, everyone you meet and interact with will be blessed by your joyfulness.
Jesus provides much instruction that, when followed, assures our “joy might be full” (John 15:11). And the joy that Jesus promised cannot be taken from us (John 16:2). This joy is ours as we love one another. Loving as Jesus loved. Loving as God loves all of His children — impartially, unconditionally and eternally.
Choosing a joy-filled, spiritual approach to living enables us to stop negative thinking and talking. We can look for and identify the positives about a situation, an event, a project. If you feel irritated with your spouse, joy will help you remember and cherish the qualities you fell in love with. You will have joy in your work — no matter what kind of work it is — when you appreciate even one aspect that is satisfying.
Joy will help you put everything in perspective. A bump in the road is not the end of the journey. There is good to be found in every day and in every person. Look for the good, expect to see good, and don’t let a day go by without recognizing and appreciating the good in your day. And as my grandmother often reminded me, “Don’t ever go to bed mad.”
And in so doing … you’ll have something to smile about.
Oct 26, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
“Trick or treating”on Halloween became one of my earliest lessons in facing down fear.
Although I was very comfortable and even boisterous in familiar surroundings, when confronted by what was new and different, unusual and uncertain, I was shy, anxious and intimidated. It was amazing, actually, how my fear in such moments could completely change my disposition and behavior.
Some say that fearful feelings are not always a bad thing, as they do cause us to pause and check for safety, which is a good thing. But being afraid doesn’t always mean we’re in danger. More often, fear is a debilitating and life-limiting emotion that creates much anguish, and generally all for naught.
Going “trick or treating” hand in hand with my mother provided me a sense of security and protection as we approached neighbors my mom knew and I didn’t. I loved candy, so the thought of filling my bag with candy was an incentive to go forward, even in doing that which I was most uncomfortable in doing.
Moving forward, walking the line between scary and safe, helped me to know that fear can’t and shouldn’t be allowed to stop my progress. My confidence was strengthened by my actions, and I learned a lesson in facing down fear — that fear is often baseless and has no other reality other than my attention to it.
Henry Ford once said, “One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” Indeed, many people don’t live their dreams because they are too busy living their fears.
I had many more opportunities in my childhood to face down fear. At one time, sleeping in a dark room was scary to me because I was frightened by strange shapes and sounds in the night. I was paralyzed in my bed by fear, and I could not sleep without a light on or my mom sleeping with me. It didn’t matter that what I feared was illusion, nothing more than a feeling existing only in my imagination. Fear had become a bad nighttime habit that seemed impossible to break. I knew that I didn’t need to be afraid, and I longed to conquer the crippling feeling.
The more I learned about God, the more I believed He was always with me, loving me and caring for me. I began to get a comforting sense of His presence, just like I did when “trick or treating” with my mom, with my hand secure in hers. This knowledge increased my courage to face the fear of darkness.
Reading how Moses responded when God told him to throw down his rod and it became a serpent was also helpful. The Bible says that at first Moses ran from the serpent. God then directed Moses to grab the serpent by the tail, and when he obediently did so, it again became his rod (Exodus 4:2-4). It was an interesting direction that God gave to Moses, since generally speaking, grabbing a snake by its tail is the most dangerous way to do so. Moses’ obedience to God’s direction was grounded in his trust and confidence in God, so he didn’t question the wisdom of the instruction. Boldly grabbing the serpent by its tail resulted in the “false evidence” disappearing.
I’m reminded of what is known by many as an acronym for fear — false evidence appearing real. Moses’ example along with this acronym was the impetus needed as I prayed and spiritually reasoned, enabling me to grab my fear of the dark by its tail. Reassured with the knowledge that God was with me, each time I thought I heard or saw something, I simply turned off the horror show in my mind that was feeding the fear and got out of bed to prove there was indeed nothing to be afraid of. And soon enough, I was able to sleep peacefully alone — and without a light.
I once read an analogy that compared fear to a projector. If you step back with your fear projector, the images being projected get bigger until they become a formidable image. But if you move forward with your fear projector, the images become tiny and shrink into nothingness.
Confronting and challenging our fear will weaken its hold on us, and fear will soon diminish until it disappears. Knowledge of the facts — both spiritual and physical — dispels illusions and the dark imaginings of the mind.
Being afraid is not a natural, normal or God-ordained feeling. God certainly does not want his beloved children to be tormented. He surely gives us the qualities and abilities we need to be well, happy, successful and productive. “For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). God is giving us all we need to face down and conquer any fear and prove it powerless in our life. But there is never a fear we must face alone. He is always with us, helping us to do whatever we need to do. With our hand securely held by His, we are safe, secure and protected.
Oct 26, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
Bullying has become a common experience for many children and adolescents. In fact, surveys indicate that as many as half of all children are bullied at some time during their school years. Some children, who are targeted by bullying, suffer a loss of confidence, believe something is wrong with them, or struggle with loneliness, depression and anxiety. And for some, being bullied has led to suicide.
Statistics also report that 60 percent of boys who bullied in grades 6 to 9 were convicted of at least one crime by age 24 and 40 percent had three or more convictions.
Whether a child is the perpetrator or target, bullying entraps our children in destructive behavior patterns and into a vicious cycle that unless broken, can bring long-term devastating effects. At present, there is no legal definition of bullying, but many define bullying as the act of intentionally causing unhappiness to others through verbal harassment, physical assault or other more subtle methods of coercion, such as manipulation.
What makes a child bully another?
Some psychologists believe a child may behave this way to be perceived as popular or tough or to get attention. Some may bully out of jealousy or may be acting out because they themselves are bullied. Those who bully believe they possess more physical or social power and dominance than their victims.
It’s been reported that much school bullying occurs in physical education classes. This didn’t surprise me, as I recalled my own experience of being bullied. As a young child, I was very skinny and very self-conscious about my size and appearance. Getting teased about being skinny was a frequent occurrence. A turning point came one day during a series of competitions during gym class.
Rather than doing multiple chin-ups, each girl had to do one chin-up and hold the position. Each was timed at how long she could hold herself up. My dreaded turn arrived along with heckling that I was too weak to even pull myself up at all. I remembered being determined to prove everyone wrong. Not only was I able to pull myself up, but I broke the school record for how long I could hold that position. Never again was I taunted about my size and lack of ability. Perhaps it’s the emphasis our culture places on “success” that changed my status among my peers and gained their respect. But I think it had more to do with my prayer.
There was something that prompted my confidence, and it wasn’t willpower. My mom taught me about my spiritual identity. That no matter what my opinion or any other opinions were about myself, the child that God created is my “true” self. God could only create the reflection of Himself, and this would surely include such qualities as strength, courage, fortitude, confidence, poise, faith. She told me I could rely on my God-given qualities at any time. Throughout my childhood and adult years, I’ve had opportunities to prove she was right. I remember praying along these lines that day in PE class.
So, how can we save our children?
As children grow and blaze a trail toward adulthood, they seek to discover their own identity while developing a sense of morality and being able to tell right from wrong. There is help for children who struggle with feelings of inadequacy and inferiority — for those who bully and those who are bullied. Perhaps our best hope is for parents, schools and communities to help all children recognize and understand their divine inheritance and spiritual selfhood.
Helping all children to be the best they can be and see the best in themselves and in their peers could eliminate the false point of view that one person is better than another. Knowledge that all have their own unique and special talents and abilities is something to be appreciated and celebrated, rather than envied or criticized. This is part of understanding that we’re all children of God and we’re each special in His sight.
It’s not too much to say that the progress of humanity, which includes all ages, relies and depends on understanding our spiritual identity. Since we’re each a child of God, we need to act like it. And we can and will as we better understand just what that means.
Oct 26, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
You can stop drowning in clutter and reclaim your home — along with your peace of mind. Not too long ago, I learned a life-altering lesson that taught me that a simpler lifestyle is achievable and also that it isn’t just about having less stuff.
Yes, I discovered that clutter isn’t confined to messy closets, overflowing cupboards, covered desktops, jumbled shelves or drawers that won’t open. It also includes our mental pantry which can be jammed full with indecision, worry, fear, stress, pressure, anger, frustration, anxiety, depression, dread and countless medleys of other feelings and emotions. Such mental chaos robs our peace and steals our hope for a happy and satisfying life.
When my daughter and son-in-law recently purchased their first house, I offered to help with the moving, unpacking and organizing. I was especially excited about helping my daughter sort through their stuff and reach her great goal — to purge and pare down to create a clutter-free home. But in the process, I was reminded of some insights that lately have been buried in piles of new clutter I had allowed to accumulate mentally.
My lesson began the year prior to our daughter’s wedding a few years ago when my husband and I had the grand idea to remodel our house. We had lived in the same house for over 20 years, and, needless to say, we had gathered and collected lots of stuff.
The first requirement before a remodeling project could begin was to do major and significant downsizing. But this seemed like an overwhelming job, and it was difficult to know where to start.
I pondered some wise instructions that Jesus gave to us about what we esteem and hold dear. He cautioned against storing and hoarding needless and pointless treasures that have no long-lasting value. He told us that our best treasures are discovered in the desires of our heart (Matthew 6:19-21). This sounds like we determine what we value by answering the questions — What matters most? What are the things, people, occasions, events we value the most?
So with these questions directing our “housecleaning,” we decided what we were going to keep, take to a secondhand shop, sell, recycle or discard altogether.
Prior to this sorting and eliminating, I frequently harped on the fact that I didn’t have enough space — this house wasn’t big enough and there weren’t enough cabinets, drawers or closets. No one could have convinced me that cleaning house could result in more than enough space for our stuff. But it did! After years of complaining, I learned, much to my surprise, that my home was suddenly big enough. I now had space for all the things I had decided were truly important to me.
Around the same time of my house makeover, I became faced with making a career decision. A mishmash of uncertain and confused feelings buzzed around in my thoughts. It seemed impossible to determine the best course of action. Making a change is not always easy. You usually can’t see what’s down the road until you begin to make the drive. And you usually have to get to the top of the hill before you can see what lies at the bottom. So, sometimes you’re reluctant to make the turn onto a new road. Or at least I was.
I finally realized a decision was not going to be reached as long as my vision was getting obstructed by the maelstrom of emotions whirling around me. It was time for some mental inventory to be taken. Once again, I asked myself what was most important in my life. As I answered this question, I began ditching all the worry, concern and uneasiness that were cluttering my mind. The less cluttered my thoughts became, the more clearly I could envision the correct next steps and goals for the rest of my life. I was on the path to a simpler life, and it felt great.
Once again, I’ve been struggling over another big decision. It really is no surprise that I’ve been in such a quandary. I had allowed my life to become jumbled with so many self-proclaimed responsibilities, as well as needs and demands, that there were never enough hours in my days or days in my weeks. Being reminded of my life lesson on cluttering and de-cluttering was just the impetus needed to help me start trimming my duty list. I’ve been beginning with the obvious changes that are possible this very moment. And already my load feels lighter.
A simpler life is possible to maintain if we can remember what matters most to us and have those treasured and most precious values guide and direct us. Without a doubt, the list of what is most important to you will be far shorter than the list of stuff that is only unnecessary clutter.
When we let “what matters most” navigate and pilot our life — every moment of our day, every purchase we make, every choice, every decision, every goal — we can maintain a de-cluttered mind and house and live simply and happily.
