Oct 26, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
I have to admit, the fall season hasn’t always been my favorite time of year. Oh, I enjoyed the cooler temperatures and lovely colors of the season, but I never relished spending ten days alone at home while my husband took his annual sporting trip to Colorado. In fact, I dreaded the arrival of the days! Even if I had friends or family with me, I still struggled with loneliness when my husband was away.
One year after my husband left on his trip, I found myself having to face up to this completely on my own. Our daughter had gone off to college and I was alone in our house for the first time. I was miserable. I managed to get through the first day by staying busy with various things, but as night fell I became increasingly despondent and lonely.
I knew it was just me and God, and I needed a prayerful resolution to make it through the night.
Having been a student of Christian Science for several years, I knew that as a child of God the companionship of my divine Parent and Friend was forever with me—ready, willing, and able to help. In fact, the Psalmist assured me that God was my “refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” This passage reminded me of other difficult times in my life when I’d witnessed the presence and help of my Father-Mother God with me. This was comforting, but I still couldn’t stop feeling very much alone without my husband.
Like Jacob in the Bible, wrestling with his limited, material view of life, I found myself wrestling that night with the extreme loneliness I felt. I knew I needed a prayerful resolution to make it through the night.
I perused Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy, looking for words of comfort to capture my attention. As I read, statements that always helped me when I prayed about physical difficulties were suddenly speaking to me in a fresh, healing way.
I decided to stand up for myself and contradict the isolating thoughts that had encroached on my peace of mind.
One of these statements read, “Mortal mind alone sentences itself…. Mentally contradict every complaint from the body.” I’d always used this idea to dispute symptoms of discomfort and illness. But now this familiar statement took on even greater meaning. It meant not just giving up and accepting the verdict that I was bound to feeling isolated.
Mrs. Eddy pointed out that fear is at the root of most difficulties. And she wrote about how to go about mastering fear: “Take antagonistic grounds against all that is opposed to the health, holiness and harmony of man, God’s image.”
Imagining myself as a lawyer on the case for my defense, I decided to stand up for myself and contradict the isolating thoughts that had encroached on my peace of mind. I replaced them with the spiritual facts of my identity as God’s child, expressing dominion, poise, and confidence. As I did this, I could sense my thoughts changing, moment by moment, to a more uplifted outlook.
Love knows no boundaries and is not confined by time and space.
Through prayer I gained a clearer view of my Father-Mother’s ever-presence, and the fear began to subside. It was a talking with God time—aloud actually—pondering the expanse of His love for me, my husband, and everyone. I couldn’t help but feel united with my husband as I thought about the all-inclusive nature of divine Love.
I realized that the tender, patient, joy-filled relationship my husband and I share is simply a natural expression of God’s love for each of us. And Love knows no boundaries and is not confined by time and space. So I couldn’t be living with a deficiency of love for ten weeks, ten days, or even ten minutes.
During that night of consecrated prayer I found a lasting sense of wholeness in my relationship with God. And the sense of incompleteness I felt without my spouse just disappeared. I was able to glimpse that I am indeed, a “whole-souled woman,” of God’s creating (Miscellaneous Writings 1883-1896, p.224).
Time alone in spiritual reflection can help bring balance and perspective to our lives.
Do I miss my husband when we’re apart? Sure. But these days loneliness no longer consumes my thought. And it certainly no longer confuses and distorts my perception of myself. Now, I cherish my moments of solitude. It may mean sipping a cup of hot tea while studying my Bible Lesson, taking a walk, writing in my journal, or relaxing on the sofa with a book. But it doesn’t include fretting about loneliness.
Time alone in spiritual reflection can help bring balance and perspective to our lives. And such holy moments can refresh a troubled heart with reasons for hope and point toward solutions. These alone-with-God moments are a wonderful gift to ourselves. They’re moments that enable us to feel the embrace of our Father-Mother God, reminding us that we’re loved and wanted.
Yes, a good dose of “heavenly inspiration” that leads to solid convictions about our true, spiritual nature is the only lasting solution I’ve found for overcoming feelings of loneliness—or anything else. And I get my best inspiration when I’m alone with God.
As you take your stand against loneliness and despair, rest assured, “…the God of love and peace shall be with you” always!
Oct 26, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
“Why Can’t We Live Together” was the title of the hit song by Timmy Thomas in 1972. The song’s title and lyrics ask a poignant question today for schools, communities and even nations that continue to struggle with mistrust, misunderstanding and deep-seated hatred as well as resentment and envy.
So, why can’t we live together? A question I asked myself as I watched the recent news reports from Jena, La. Perhaps it’s also an important question to reflect upon with this month being the 50th anniversary of the Little Rock school integration. It was September 1957 when Central High School in Little Rock, Ark., became the battleground for a showdown over integration, as nine black students enrolled at the “all white” school.
For me, it was 35 years ago when integration began at my school. I was 14 years old, in the ninth grade and participating in the junior high’s drill team. I don’t recall having any particular opinion about my new fellow students other than feeling sorry that they had to wake up so much earlier than I did in order to make the long bus ride across town to attend school.
But some students did have opinions. Or perhaps they were merely asserting viewpoints they learned from their parents. Many of my new fellow students seemed unhappy to be forced to go to a new school. All in all, there was tension and conflict, and eventually there was violence.
Divisive and abusive speech became daily occurrences. I can’t say “who” said “what” “first” on any particular day. It didn’t seem to matter, actually. The animosity and hostility appeared to be mutual. But that said, I do want to be clear that the ill will that ruled my school days was not harbored by the majority of white or black students. As often seems to be the case, a few became the voice for the many. This reminds me of words by Martin Luther King Jr. when he said, “We will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
And, unfortunately, the voice of the few among the white students was coming from some football players, cheerleaders and drill team members. For me, this culminated one day when I entered the gym in the middle of an argument between some white drill team members and black female students. My entrance was what some would call being in the wrong place at the wrong time. As I walked into the gym, a tennis racket was in midair, with my nose soon to be its target.
My response to the incident was the same as when I heard recently about black students in Jena feeling they must ask permission to sit under the so-called white students’ tree or three nooses hanging from that tree or six students beating up on one student: Why, please tell me, why can’t we live together? Will it ever be possible to have good will for others, regardless of the color of our skin, our religious beliefs, our sex, our age, our wealth, our political viewpoints?
Should I have been angry that day in the gym when I was caught in the middle of an argument not my own? Was it fair that I suffered for the actions of others? Who should have gotten the blame for my injury? I wasn’t angry at anyone, though. I was sad, at the time, that such pointless tensions continued to plague the peace and harmony of my school days. And I wasn’t about to allow myself to get sucked into what I saw as a disposition that served no good purpose.
Jesus is the ultimate role model of how to respond to discrimination and injustice — both in his actions and in his teachings. It was certainly unfair that he was arrested and treated like a criminal. Some could say his disciples were justified in fighting the guards who came to arrest him, and some would have praised the disciple who cut off the ear of one of the guards. But not Jesus. He rebuked the violent actions and healed the guard’s ear.
Even on the cross — being an innocent man wrongfully sentenced — Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they don’t know what they’re doing” (Luke 23:34).
His teachings give us specific instruction for our response to others’ treatment of us. He said, “Eye for eye, tooth for tooth. Is that going to get us anywhere? Here’s what I propose: Don’t hit back at all. If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, gift-wrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.”
And regarding those whom we think of as enemies or those who mistreat us, Jesus taught: “You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best — the sun to warm and the rain to nourish — to everyone, regardless: the good and the bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that. In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you” (The Message, Matthew 5:38-48).
It’s quite clear that we will never live together peacefully, in friendship, with mutual respect, until we agree to disagree if need be, replace ill will with good will, hold no grudges or hard feelings, and release resentment, bitterness, rivalry, jealousy — and all feelings that truly serve no good purpose and will never have a good outcome.
We must endeavor to understand one another. Understanding will impel respect and dispel fear. And we must love in the way Jesus taught. “Love, love, love — everyone — no exceptions!” Then we can live together!
Oct 26, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
OK, so we all can’t be a contestant on the hit TV reality series “Survivor,” now beginning its 15th season. Maybe you don’t have any interest in being applauded as the “ultimate survivor.” But, no doubt, each of us will have many opportunities in our life journeys to proclaim, “I survived!”
Perhaps your survival challenge will be a difficult test at school, a tough project at work, a life-threatening illness or injury, a financial catastrophe, a marital problem or the loss of a loved one — the list could be endless. Whatever you face, you may have moments when you struggle with discouragement, feeling overwhelmed or afraid. But such responses need not be. Take heart, my friends! Defeating devastating challenges and overcoming daunting tasks are plausible and possible because God gave us the dominion and strength to do so. Jesus told us, “The things which are impossible with men are possible with God” (Luke 18:27).
I’ve always been inspired by these encouraging words of American blind and deaf educator Helen Keller: “Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it. My optimism, then, does not rest on the absence of evil, but on a glad belief in the preponderance of good and a willing effort always to cooperate with the good, that it may prevail. I try to increase the power God has given me to see the best in everything and every one, and make that best a part of my life.”
I’m reminded of the biblical account of Daniel when he survived punishment for worshiping God (Daniel 6:1-22). Daniel’s peers were intensely jealous of him because he was the king’s favorite, so they manipulated and tricked the king into creating a scenario that would get Daniel into trouble. Appealing perhaps to the king’s ego, the conspirators persuaded the king to sign a decree that required petitions be made only to the king — with anyone violating the decree to be thrown into a den of lions.
His evil peers knew of Daniel’s faithfulness and commitment to pray only to God — which he did three times a day. The king apparently wasn’t thinking about this when he signed the statute. Daniel, of course, knew about the new law, but he maintained his allegiance to his spirituality in spite of the threat of dire consequences. Doing the right thing doesn’t always mean a road without challenges.
At the prodding of Daniel’s jealous peers, the king had no alternative than to order Daniel to be punished according to the new law. But the king also told Daniel, “Thy God whom thou servest continually, he will deliver thee.”
And sure enough, Daniel’s innocence and fearlessness protected him from the lions, and he was unharmed the next morning when the king anxiously arrived at the lion’s den in hopes that Daniel was safe.
I read an explanation given by an animal behavior expert who said a lion’s attack is prompted either by fear or flight on the part of the prey. Daniel seemed unmoved and fearless by the forces arrayed against him both in and out of the lions’ den. His resolve and confidence were clearly based on his understanding of God’s love and divine will as well as an understanding of his spiritual identity. This understanding was the “truth” that made him free from harm as when Jesus declared, “Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32).
The truth is, we are God’s spiritual and good creation. And we are never for a moment outside or separated from the love and care of our divine Parent. Instead of becoming a victim to circumstances beyond his control, Daniel became a witness to God’s power and proved God’s control even when he was in the midst of the lions.
Daniel had truthful arguments for his strong defense. The truth of his spiritual selfhood and sincere and honest actions affirmed and preserved his innocence. Jesus said, “Ye shall know the truth,” which confirms that knowing the truth of God and our spiritual identity is a requirement and a promise. And he said, “Truth shall make you free,” which asserts that freedom is God’s will for us all.
Yes, you shall be a survivor. Whatever you face along your life journey, you can understand the truth of God’s power and control over all and feel safe, be safe and — as Daniel did — come through the experience as the victor. The Psalmist assures us, ” … weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning” (Psalm 30:5).
Oct 26, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
My husband and I finally did it. We finally went somewhere other than Disney World or the beach. All through our daughter’s growing-up years, other than the occasional venturing elsewhere, we’ve spent family vacations going to the places our daughter and we loved most.
Routines are easy to fall into. We can be trapped by them. Many people have a tendency to do the same things every day, day in and day out. We get up, go to work, come home, fix dinner, eat, do chores, watch television, and so forth. By the end of the day, we’re so tired that we go to bed, only to begin our routine again the next day. Yet we feel comfortable traveling within our own little comfort zone, surrounding ourselves with what is familiar.
I hadn’t realized that our vacations had become routine — like the rest of our life. That is, until now. I’m writing this column while my husband is out fly-fishing with a friend who recently moved to Oregon. Fly-fishing is something he has never experienced before. Earlier today, I went on an hour-and-a-half hike by myself, something I’ve never done — until this trip.
In fact, our entire vacation has been filled with experiences and activities we’ve never done before or imagined doing. We’ve crossed mountains, traversed canyons and hiked trails. We’ve seen the deepest lake, crossed the highest bridge, visited the largest sea cave, seen the most photographed lighthouse, the tallest waterfall, the oldest and biggest trees, and we’ve traveled the windiest roads, rockiest coastline and the highest and most narrow road of our lives to date.
Phrases like “branch out” and “stretch yourself” suddenly have fresh meaning. Lyrics written by Tim Rice to Elton John’s famous song “Circle of Life” also have new meaning for me: “There’s more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done, more to find than can ever be found.” Doing things I never thought I could or would has me hungry to experience more.
There’s a valuable lesson to be learned when hiking the longest trail you’ve ever hiked. I finally understand that it truly isn’t as much about the destination as it is the journey. Although the destination may be worthy and of value, the journey is even more incredible and fulfilling in and of itself. Each moment walking the trail included inspiring vistas and discoveries I would not have wanted to miss, even if I had never reached the trail’s end.
Comfort zones are self-created and imposed. In designing these comfortable and reliable pathways, we tend to limit our possibility and potential for new experiences.
Stretching is powerful, healing and transforming. The Lord told Moses to “stretch out thy hand over the sea” and the waters parted (Exodus 14:16). Jesus told the man with the withered hand to “stretch forth thine hand,” and his hand was restored whole as his other (Matthew 12:13). This vacation has stretched my view of myself from a woman of limited abilities to a woman of God’s creating with infinite abilities and potential.
Being willing to challenge myself to move out of my familiar beliefs and to fearlessly approach new opportunities has resulted in a broadened concept for the rest of my life. My horizon has indeed been expanded, the place of my tent enlarged (Isaiah 54:2). I welcome more new possibilities, discoveries and adventures into my life journey. Yes, I have put on a fresh lens for viewing what I can and could do that is untouched, undimmed and unimpressed by any beliefs and opinions about age.
Are you trying to find a way out of a mundane routine? Do you feel stuck in a rut and can’t figure out what is holding you back?
Branch out and stretch yourself by doing something — anything — you wouldn’t ordinarily do. I guarantee you will be glad you did and will not be disappointed. It’s just that simple! Every time you stretch, you enlarge your comfort zone to include more of the great big world out there waiting to be explored, and you let go of old, limiting beliefs that have been holding you back from seeing your infinite potential.
Oct 26, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
A friend reminded me of a frequently cited Chinese proverb: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” But why is it, so often, that the very first step is the hardest one to take?
Whatever the reason for a first step, it symbolizes the beginning of something new, making a change, choosing to pursue a goal or a dream, making a commitment. After years of pondering and consideration, my first step has finally been taken. I’ve finally started up a path that promises more order, balance and activity in my life, along with less body weight. Note that I didn’t merely say “diet.”
Yes, I would like to weigh less. But my weight is only one of the outcomes of my goals, rather than a goal in and of itself.
It’s interesting to pause and wonder why it took me so long to begin this revised life journey — to take that very first step. Some people never even begin their journeys, because often the first step just seems too difficult. And so, they stop before they start.
Perhaps we put too much importance on a first step. And in so doing, the journey ahead feels laborious and burdensome with a destination impossible to reach. Maybe we think too much about that first step, and we consciously or unconsciously argue against taking it. I recall a speaker who referred to the “paralysis of analysis” as the pathway to a dead-end of inertia and inaction. This is what can happen when we spend hours, days or weeks in “what if” thinking — what if I’m making a wrong decision, what if I don’t like my choice, what if this is too difficult for me, what if I fail to reach my goal?
A famous children’s story gave me some encouragement. Remember the story about “The little engine that could”? It’s the story of a long train that must be pulled over a high mountain. Various large engines are asked to do the job, and all refuse for various reasons. Apparently, many feel the long train is too much for them to pull. Finally, a small engine is asked and agrees to try. By chugging onward and forward with its motto, “I-think-I-can,” the little engine succeeds in pulling the long train over the mountain.
“‘Can’t’ never could do nothin'” — my mamma’s words echo from my childhood. The large engines’ reluctance proved this statement to be true quite proficiently. It was not going to be an easy journey for the little engine, but she was willing to make it and refused to be daunted. Even when she struggled and was barely able to move, she continued her journey, however slowly, insisting on the possibility for success. Great human strength and willpower were not going to help this little engine get over the mountain. So, what did help her achieve what the large engines were certain they couldn’t?
I think she was well on her way when she made the commitment to do the job. The stronger our commitment, the more likely it is that we can achieve our goal. Commitment inspires expectation, and expectation will always speed our progress.
I also think this little engine kept her focus on the destination rather than on the treacherous path she had to travel to get there. So, we must look beyond any single step to be undertaken, not putting too much emphasis on any one step but remaining focused on our desired goal.
Don’t be too hard on yourself for being slow to take a first step. Look at a child learning to walk. That first step might have been a little shaky or even uncertain, and it may have been slow in the making, but have you ever seen a child after she takes that first step? There’s no stopping her!
Certainly, the child’s first step was a small one. But after she took that first step, she was more confident about taking another one — albeit another small step. She didn’t run before she walked. So, too, we must be patient with ourselves and not think we can travel the last mile of our journey before the first and all the ones in between. Yet once the little child takes those first few steps, she never looks down again but only in the direction toward which she is going.
Like the little engine that thought it could, I know I can reach my goals. Why am I so sure? Because God impels us forward, toward knowing Him better as well as ourselves as His beloved children, fully equipped with all we need for our life journeys.
And what to say about the journey? Well, it’s a lifelong journey. There can only be forward steps, never retrograde ones. Even those that at first seem backward, turn out not to be, as every step of our lifelong journey brings with it many lessons learned. And lessons learned keep us progressing along our path.
Paul’s words encouraging us to reach “forth unto those things which are before” and “press toward the mark” make me think about how to go for our goals and dreams (Philippians 3:13-14). We must keep our gaze upward and onward and travel our journey with faith and belief that anything is possible. And there’s never any time like the present for a step forward.
