Oct 24, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
I will not accept that peace is NOT possible — whether we’re talking about peace between siblings, neighbors or work associates or peace between nations or religions.
First of all, I believe there is one God who is Lord and Creator of all. Truly, we are all children of the same divine Parent — or whatever we call the Almighty. Like it or not, regardless of race, tribe, cultural or religious beliefs, we are all brothers and sisters of the same fold.
Recently, I’ve recalled something Israel’s Space Agency Payload Specialist, Ilan Ramon, said in January 2003 when he was 180 miles from the earth aboard the Space Shuttle Columbia. He observed how peaceful the world looked and that his view from orbit revealed no borders on the earth below, and no war.
I’ve been pondering this universal view — all nations and peoples sharing the same world — without borders and boundaries and at peace.
How natural it was for the space shuttle occupants to wake up to the sounds of John Lennon singing “Imagine,” with its dream of the world living as one, living life in peace, a brotherhood of man. He sang, “Imagine there’s no countries… nothing to kill or die for.” An appropriate song since the view from space made such a dream seem possible.
Several years ago, I was preparing to teach my first kindergarten class. A friend found an old copy of a newspaper article she thought I would enjoy titled, “We learned it all in kindergarten.” It outlined how we would have a better world, a more peaceful world, if everyone remembered what they learned in kindergarten.
But today, some children are being raised to hate, fear, mistrust, judge, condemn, and all the etceteras. But, what could be learned in kindergarten (or, as children) that could create a peaceful world?
I’ll tell you what kids were taught in my kindergarten class. Almost every lesson centered on what many folks call the “golden rule” — treating one another as we would like to be treated ourselves. This didn’t mean we all had to be best buddies. We didn’t even have to like everyone. But we did have to show each other respect and courtesy in just the way we wanted respect and courtesy shown to us.
This meant we would share and play fair. We would work together and cooperate with each other. We would listen to each other. We would wait patiently for our turn. We wouldn’t take things that didn’t belong to us. We would never be mean, never hit or say hurtful words or make ugly faces. And if we forgot and were mean and hurtful, we would say we were sorry… and mean it. This would require also being forgiving.
So, you may ask, what does the “golden rule” have to do with nations? I remember reading in the book of Genesis in the Bible how Abram and Lot decided to part and live separately from each other. It became clear they could no longer live together and share the same land. Abram came up with a peaceful solution. He said, “Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren.” And he said, “Is not the whole land before thee? Separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left.”
So, boundaries between two “nations” began. And there was no need to be at war to determine the borders. But there was a need to be in agreement. And to have respect for that agreement.
Reaching an agreement apparently requires listening, patience, fairness, cooperation and perhaps even forgiveness.
Sound familiar?
Perhaps peace in the world begins with what our children are taught. But I don’t think it is ever too late to learn. Abram and Lot showed us that peaceful cooperation is possible even as adults.
I believe peace begins with an understanding that we are brethren with the same God who loves us all dearly. But I believe peace can not begin without the conviction and certainty that peace is possible. There is power in every person and nation that shares this conviction. So maybe we need to at least start by believing that peace in the world — in the Middle East — is possible!
Oct 24, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
The American dream tells citizens and immigrants it’s possible to be whatever you imagine, to achieve whatever you aspire to and to attain whatever you strive for. Yes, anything is possible in the land of freedom and opportunity.
And the American dream defines the way success is gained — through hard work, determination, self-sacrifice and perseverance.
Still for many, the “pot of gold” remains at the end of the rainbow — just out of reach. Why? Perhaps because too many think the American dream measures success by material wealth.
What if the American dream is not about a destination defined by fame and fortune? But rather the American dream is about the journey — a journey of vision and hope that encourages creative initiative and inspires goal-making and the search for one’s life purpose. And success is actually defined by a job well done and the good effort made.
Could it be that a wrong definition of the American dream has led to destructive obsessions as well as a lack of satisfaction and happiness with one’s life?
Ask yourself — Do I ever agree with the old adage, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence?” If you answered yes, keep reading.
It seems for too many the American dream has become merely the quest for money. We never think we have enough. But, how much is enough? Our obsession with money has become the impossible-never-to-be-reached dream telling us we need more, we don’t have enough, we may never have enough, and we may run out. Consequently, our needs, fears and desires are constantly changing and increasing.
No wonder we’re stressed out. According to a recent survey conducted by the American Psychological Association, money was reported as the number one source of stress for 73 percent of Americans.
Most of us have probably heard the often misquoted Biblical statement of the apostle Paul, “For the love of money is the root of all evil.” I say often misquoted because I’ve seen it written many times as — “money is the root of all evil.” But I don’t think money in and of itself is the problem. Paul’s words indicate it’s more about our feelings about money that can lead to problems.
And I suspect it is our viewpoint about money that impacts how we answer the question — How much is enough?
My husband and I have been married over 25 years now. I remember in our newlywed years when we set a monetary goal we hoped to reach before our retirement. My hubby has always dreamed of retiring as early in life as possible.
The only problem with his plan was that as soon as we reached our savings goal, he increased the goal. We didn’t have enough eggs in our basket. Or so he said. In fact, I’ve lost count of how many times our goal has been increased through the years.
I’m not so sure that economy and inflation have been the main reasons to continually increase our nest egg. Lately, I’ve told my husband that I don’t think we will ever have “enough.” Or at least, I’m not sure he will ever think so.
Paul had it right. I think that a distorted perception of money is the root of many a problem and stress — and the cause of misinterpretations of the American dream. And for my husband and me, this perception has translated into worries about not having “enough” money for the rest of our lives. Not to be pessimistic, but who knows how long the rest of our lives will be?
Well, I don’t want to worry about money anymore. I think we’ve given so much attention to our future that we’ve kept ourselves from living more of life today.
To change this unsatisfying pattern, perhaps we begin by recognizing what we have. Being grateful for what we have. Enjoying what we have. And I’m not just talking about money.
We need to start focusing more on the “now” moments of our life. Stop looking to the future to provide the answers, the opportunities, the fulfilling of dreams. Improve today’s moments, making the most of them. Consider present possibilities — right now. No longer put off for tomorrow what could be done today, said today or experienced today.
I think these words from Paul are good advice for all areas of our lives: “Behold, now is the accepted time.”
Christ Jesus encouraged us to relax about our needs, to not worry so much. He said, “Don’t be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving.” And he added, “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.” He promised us that God would help us meet our daily needs.
I’m reminded of the travels of the children of Israel those forty years in the wilderness. Moses had promised bread would be provided each morning if they would trust in the Lord’s providing. He instructed them to pick up only what they needed each day — and not to store any away. And sure enough, those who were uncertain about trusting in the Lord for their daily supply did try to save some bread. But that bread spoiled before the next day.
This story is teaching me to trust more in God in all times and ways, day to day. It assures me that if I trust in God’s help to meet my needs each day, there will be no cause to fear an uncertain tomorrow. I can rest securely and confidently in my trust in God to supply, direct and guide my needs.
I think the American dream becomes the impossible dream only when we define success monetarily or materially. I’ve concluded that having enough is not about having everything we want. Perhaps we have enough as we appreciate and value what we have.
Oct 24, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
So you had a bad day. Do you really want to relive it by replaying the details of each bad scene over and over again in your head? I realize that some bad days seem tough to leave behind us. Maybe we’re consumed with regrets, filled with frustrations, battered with self-condemnation or overwhelmed with depression.
What can we do to cut through the mire of agony that is bringing us down? Is there an antidote for bad days?
I guess there are many types of bad days. But perhaps the most common is when all that makes up our own unique minutiae goes wrong. You know . . . the day-to-day details — the very particulars that form much of our day.
When I was a teacher aide during college, I was introduced to a book that I was to read to a class of second graders. Little did I know that it would become a book that would change forever how I looked at my life!
So yes, there is an antidote for bad days, and its secret is tucked away in a children’s book. Actually, when I made the discovery, I wasn’t surprised that a children’s book could hold such valuable and insightful knowledge. Just look at children. They seem to be experts at falling down and jumping right back up again, perhaps after brushing the dirt off their pants first. Then they immediately continue doing what they were doing before they fell. Isn’t this called resilience?
What’s the name of this miracle book, you ask? None other than “Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day” written by Judith Viorst.
As the story develops, Alexander has one of those bad days most of us can relate to. Shortly after his morning begins, he concludes, “I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.” You might reach this same conclusion, too, if you woke up with gum in your hair, tripped on a skateboard as you got out of bed, and dropped the sweater you were planning to wear that day in the sink while the water was running. Even before he had breakfast, he could predict what his day was going to be like.
And his day did seem to go from bad to worse. Nothing was to go poor Alexander’s way. From getting smashed in the middle seat of the car, discovering his lunch sack was dessertless, being told by the dentist he had a cavity, being forced to own stripeless sneakers, having lima beans for dinner, witnessing kissing on television, being made to sleep in railroad-train pajamas and so much more. Alexander’s day got so bad that several times he considered moving to Australia.
However, by the day’s end, Alexander reached a simple conclusion that revealed the secret to overcoming bad days. He said, “My mom says some days are like that. Even in Australia.” You get the feeling he turned over and went peacefully to sleep, leaving his bad day far behind him.
So I concluded the key to overcoming bad days is found in a childlike, resilient attitude. And guess what? You and I have it. In fact, it’s God-given. God lovingly provides his dear children with everything they need to meet and master whatever is demanded of them.
Yes, God’s children are buoyant, adaptable, adjustable, and flexible. This makes us able to recover strength, spirits and good humor quickly. If we let something get us down, we can bounce back into shape promptly.
Christ Jesus promised us he would be with us always. I’ve always trusted that meant the presence of the healing Christ power would indeed always be with us when we were in need. So, when we fall into the temptation of a burdensome, bad day, we have this promise from Christ Jesus: “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” And the ever-present healing power of Christ indeed makes all burdens light.
We are created spiritually lighthearted. And this gives us dominion over all the “earthiness” of life — which includes all the minutiae of our days.
Maintaining a spiritually lighthearted, resilient attitude is possible and powerful. I’ve been testing its potency since my discovery of Alexander’s book over 25 years ago. This state of mind can calmly cut through, slice through and walk through any bad day that confronts us.
Oct 24, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
My world was about to change. It was September 2001, and my only child was heading off to college. I had been anticipating and dreading the day.
You have to understand, Jennifer is not only my daughter. She is also my shopping companion, my movie buddy, my confidant. She is my best friend. When Jennifer was born, I stopped teaching school to be an at-home mom. When she started school, I went back to teaching at her elementary school. In fact, I was her kindergarten teacher.
In Jennifer’s fifth-grade year, we started home schooling and continued through high school. It was a good fit for our cattle-ranching lifestyle. And she and I loved learning together. Besides, it left us plenty of time to travel as a family, something I couldn’t even imagine doing without our daughter. Even when she went to summer camp, I went with her and volunteered.
But the day had come for her to begin her own life journey away at college. It was inevitable, and I had to face it. The time had finally arrived for me to let her go — without going with her. And it was time for me to move on to the next chapter in my own life — life without a child at home. This change may have been my greatest unspoken fear.
How can I describe those first days and weeks without her at home? Sleepless. Anxious. Worried. Fearful. Uneasy. Almost unbearable.
There wasn’t anything anyone said to me that helped. Yes, I knew what was right and normal for my child. I knew she couldn’t live at home forever. I didn’t want that for her. And yes, I knew it was normal to miss her. I admit I talked with her every day on the telephone. But nothing could stop how frantic I was. My imagination worked overtime, especially at night when I tried to sleep. The anxiety I was feeling from being separated from her was creating a picture of a vulnerable young girl who was susceptible to chance, accident or even violence.
In the meantime, Jennifer was adjusting very well to college. She enjoyed her classes and made good grades. She was used to managing her time and studying on her own. She had a boyfriend we liked. And she was active in a student organization. In fact, it was her activity in this organization that brought my anxieties and fears to a head. She was going to fly on a commercial airliner to Washington DC, and it was only 6 months after 9/11.
I had begun praying and searching for peace of mind before her travel news. My search for peace required moment-to-moment, thought-by-thought prayer. Psalm 91 became my daily prayer and brought me reassurance, comfort and confidence.
It also helped me to think of God as both Father and Mother. The perfect 24/7 Parent, never off-duty — for both me and for Jennifer. I realized that everyone has a unique relationship with God, and their own purpose to fulfill. And I wasn’t responsible for maintaining this link for my daughter.
The idea that both Jennifer and I are on life journeys and that God has a purpose for us throughout our lives proved key to gaining peace of mind. When I finally accepted, believed and trusted this idea with all my heart, I became committed to not allowing any thought, fear or opinion interfere with God’s purpose for both of us.
The fruits of my prayer were life changing.
Yes, Jennifer had a safe and fun trip to Washington DC. Her college years were joyous and productive. She completed her Bachelor of Arts degree in three years. The boyfriend became our son-in-law, whom we love very much. She and I still talk every day, and I look forward to hearing what’s new and wonderful on her life journey.
And what about me? I can honestly say that fear and anxiety no longer rule my days and nights. My husband and I have great fun with evenings and weekends that are “just us.” We’ve enjoyed trips alone and have had wonderful excursions with friends. And we’ve had opportunities for travels that have included our daughter and son-in-law. I have started a new career. My husband and I have remodeled our house. And we’ve added a new member to our family — a miniature dachshund.
Not long ago I had a conversation with Jennifer reflecting on her college years. In telling her about my experience in those first few months, I was delighted to learn she never suspected my struggle. She told me, “I never felt guilty going away to college. I never felt you were scared for me. I never felt susceptible to risk or dangers. I never had any situations that made me afraid. I always felt safe.”
Yes, my world did change. But I’ve learned I don’t have to be afraid of change. Change is progress. Change means growth. Change provides expansive views. It’s kind of like the change from a caterpillar to a butterfly. Certainly, the life experience is different. But what a difference in the view!
Oct 24, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
My mamma always taught her children, “If you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all.” What is it about the words we say that can have such an arousing impact on the recipients?
Consider how you feel when you hear. . . “I love you” or “I’m sorry” or even “I hate you.” Such words evoke strong emotions — of love or pain or fear. Words have the potential to leave indelible marks on hearts and lives. So perhaps we all need to be more mindful of what we say or write.
From the day each of us was born, we were hungry for words. We wanted to understand our world and interact in it. Even those of us who cannot communicate through speech, communicate words through sign language, symbols or Braille. Words allowed us to shape our identity and our ideals and became the basis for expressing our passions to others.
Imagine the songwriter who spends days looking for the perfect word or phrase. Or the minister who spends hours penning her sermon. Or the young couple belaboring over what will be their marriage vows. Words are carefully and purposefully chosen, and the results are powerful.
Think about the resonating words that are remembered from generation to generation. Such words as those from Martin Luther King — “I have a dream” — or from John F. Kennedy — “Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country.” Neil Armstrong thought carefully about what words to say when he took that first step on the moon — “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” These guys knew the potency of words.
And what about the timeless words of yet another man — Christ Jesus. Even though his words, when first spoken, were often not understood, appreciated or wanted, they have endured through centuries. Powerful words such as — “Judge not that ye be not judged”. . . “Peace, be still”. . . “Fear not, believe only”. . . “Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free”. . . “Wilt thou be made whole”. . . “Go and do likewise.”
These words, whether speaking to multitudes or individuals seeking healing or students eager to understand his teachings, instructed and transformed many lives and continue to do so today.
Yes, clearly words can inspire, motivate, encourage and heal. But words can also dishearten, hurt, discourage and destroy. So, the old adage, “Think before you speak (or write)” should be seriously pondered. In my marriage of 25 years, too many times I have forgotten to think before I voiced words that I later regretted. While I know it’s true we forgive those we love for things they say and don’t really mean, I know hurtful words can leave haunting marks on a heart. This makes me want to try very hard to remember to think and listen before I speak.
Knowing the right words to say as a parent can be difficult sometimes. But raising my daughter helped me learn how important it is to really listen to what our children are saying to us before we answer them. Listening became a prerequisite to understanding. And words that came out of understanding seemed to be the most insightful, effective, and instructive and led to the best and most desired results.
The “power of the press” takes on added meaning when you consider how much our lives are shaped and guided by the words that surround us. What happens when lies get mistaken as truth or important details are left out or slanted or distorted?
In every language, words communicate wants and needs, likes and dislikes, purpose and intent as well as threats and warnings. Words are the universal vehicle used to teach children, establish governments, inspire faith and beliefs and justify actions, behavior and wars.
For good or for bad, words are the driving force in our world. Given the power and use of words in our world, perhaps taking steps to better listen and understand words that people and nations use is a first step toward changing and improving our world. We must consider more carefully the words that are used to communicate, educate and inform. And if they are not good, then maybe they should not be said.
