Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
I bought a Curly Girl Design® greeting card recently that sits on my desk. I can’t seem to part with it, although there are many friends and family members I can imagine giving it to. The phrase on its cover is one that I read every day. In fact, I usually read it several times a day: “One of the hardest things to realize,” the card’s character says, “is that someday is right now.”
Yesterday, my husband and I experienced one of our “someday” moments and went to a movie. I say “someday” because usually when we talk about wanting to go see a certain movie, we never end up going to see it. Interestingly enough, there was a statement in the movie about when people say “someday” as they speak of things they plan to do. One of the actors said “someday” is often another word for “never” –that people often speak of the things they will never do.
I don’t want this to be me!
I’ve been carrying around another quote from a Curly Girl Design® notepad page. It reads, “The world is full of people who will go their whole lives and not actually live one day. She [the character] did not intend on being one of them.”
This little piece of paper is tucked neatly away in my wallet so that I come across it frequently as a reminder.
I seem to be obsessed with these two quotes by Curly Girl Design® artist Leigh Standley. But it has occurred to me that perhaps I’m so focused on worrying about not reaching the full potential of my life, that I am not actually living each day of my life to its fullest.
I once said that I felt like I was living from one vacation to the next, and I seem to be guilty of this again.
That said, I’m not going to stop planning vacations – and as many as possible, too! But I do think I need to value each day in between and give more consideration to the possibilities that each day has to offer.
I remember being a starry-eyed teenager who spent many hours and days dreaming about someone, someday and somewhere. After I met my “someone,” another “someday” arrived a couple of years later when we had a baby. Before I knew it, many more “somedays” had come and gone – or maybe that’s what all empty-nesters say.
How can people go their whole lives and not actually “live” anyway? What does this mean? One dictionary defines “those who truly live” as those who “enjoy life to the full” – as those who “pursue a positive, satisfying existence.”
I think it’s possible to go through the motions of what’s expected or needed each day and not be fully engaged in each moment. And if we’re not fully engaged as active participants in the day, we are not being aware and appreciative of all there is to enjoy; thus, we’re not “living” the day.
It’s no wonder we can find ourselves dissatisfied with our lives. If we think that satisfaction or joy is dependent upon “someday” or “somewhere” in the future, we limit the satisfaction and joy we can experience right now. Indeed, it can become impossible for us to be satisfied and happy. This describes me lately.
I’ve been worrying that my life will reach its final chapter before all of my “somedays” come to fruition and all my “somewheres” have been visited.
I suspect I need to be more appreciative of what I have accomplished and experienced up to this point. I don’t think I have valued my life enough. Gratitude has a way of reminding us of all that’s good in our lives.
Because I’ve been concentrating on all the “somedays” and “somewheres” I’ve not seen yet, I’ve neglected to appreciate all the ones that I have seen.
Do you have a someday – or a someone or somewhere you’re looking forward to?
One thing is certain. If we look only to something in the future, we will miss something in our present. Don’t miss the joy of this day and every day. Life really is what we make it, so let’s make it the best one possible, one day at a time. We can make our someday right now!
To learn more about Curly Girl Design® and Leigh Standley, visit http://www.curlygirldesign.com
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Being the youngest in my family with three big brothers, I must admit that I always seemed to find something to tattle about. Was my tattling a ploy to get attention? I suspect so — at least some of the time.
Whatever my reason, some might say my childhood job was to be the family informer. Sometimes I think I tattled because I was mad at one of my brothers, and I wanted to get him in trouble. Of course, this particular brother usually did something worthy of getting in trouble for. I just passed along the incriminating information.
Many children fear the label of rat, squealer, fink or blabbermouth, but there are things children should feel free and comfortable to tell.
Children may be embarrassed or ashamed of the inappropriate behavior someone has had toward them. Their confusion can make them hold their tongue when they should in fact tell what was done.
Sometimes our friends confide in us, and it can be difficult for us to know the difference between secrets that we should keep and those that we need to share with another.
I had a young childhood friend who vowed me to secrecy about an adult’s inappropriate behavior toward her. And I have to tell you that her secret was one I kept her entire life. My friend passed on several years ago, but I’m still sad because she may have endured much pain and unhappiness, and I never did anything to stop it.
It had been so easy for me to snitch on my brothers. Yet I can’t explain why I couldn’t blab about my friend’s experience to my mother or some other authority figure.
When I think back on all the tattling I did on my brother, I think that in fact, this brother was doing things that he shouldn’t have been doing. At the time I didn’t understand why I needed to tell on him — that it wasn’t to get him into trouble but to help him stop doing things that were harmful to his health.
Children need to be taught the difference between senseless tattling and a legitimate complaint or concern. As in many areas of our lives, an examination of our motives is paramount.
Is what we feel compelled to share something that affects ours or others’ physical or psychological safety? Is our motive with the intent to protect? Is there an emergency — when danger is imminent?
When I was eleven, I had a friend tattle on me that resulted in my suspension from school for three days. I don’t think I ever thanked this friend for her brave actions. It was clearly her concern for my safety as well as that of others that she snitched. I was at first humiliated and angry. But I can tell you now that her tattling completely altered my life. I was forced to make some needed changes that put me on a better path for the rest of my life.
If you have a child who never hesitates to keep you informed, don’t discourage the line of communication. We don’t want to teach our children to shut up. The era of children seen and not heard has long ended. Let’s teach our kids how to evaluate and process information so they know what’s important and know how and when to tattle.
Your child may end up saving another child’s life just like my friend saved mine.
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Blame can be contagious — a conclusion reached by a recent study published in The Journal of Experimental Psychology. This was no surprise to me, since we live in a culture of blame and see “blame” played out in the news every day.
I dare say we’ve all pointed fingers at some point in time to a person, place or thing as an excuse for our misery or a problem. And whether or not you or I believe we were justified in that blame doesn’t matter.
In the book of Genesis, we read that Adam blamed Eve when the Lord confronted him about eating the fruit he had been told to stay away from. (Genesis 3:12) But did Eve cram the fruit in his mouth? Did she force him to eat it? At least Eve told the truth and owned up to her mistake. Adam made a choice as surely as Eve did!
If we are ever going to learn to be good problem solvers, then we need a shift from finding fault to taking responsibility.
Pointing a finger is a way to pass the buck in an attempt to protect our own self-image perhaps — another finding in the study. Yet blame becomes an excuse, a justification, a defense — a bad habit — and keeps focus away from making the effectual changes that solve a problem.
“The dog ate my homework” excuse doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do your homework. Whether the excuse is truth or lie is inconsequential. Either you get your homework completed and turned in for a grade or you get a zero. The consequence is going to be the result of the choice you make.
Noted Jewish-American trial lawyer, Louis Nizer once said, “When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself.” We must sooner or later own up to our own mistakes and learn the lessons needed to not repeat them. Maybe the dog really did eat our homework, but maybe we left our homework on the floor in the first place.
But again, where the fault lies is not of immediate importance. What matters most — or at least first and foremost — is what we do to correct and resolve what needs fixing. We must get our homework done even if we have to start over from scratch!
Getting trapped in a cycle of blame distorts objectivity, clouds reason and almost always results in a power struggle. Problem solving demands respect for other viewpoints, along with a recognition that there is not just one way to reach a solution. So we must break the blame chain in order to make any needed changes.
We need to move beyond the “It’s not my fault” victim mentality and imbibe the humility, grace and courage to do whatever it takes to accomplish change, progress, and success. As long as we think of ourselves as victims, we remain so and accomplish little or nothing.
Parents often blame their child’s teachers, friends, television or music for a behavior problem or for a learning difficulty. And they often blame themselves and ruminate over what they have done wrong. Again, the problem with all the blaming is that it takes the attention and focus away from where it should be — on the child and meeting the child’s needs.
My approach to teaching as a public school teacher and as a homeschool teacher was the same. I believed that anything could be learned. If my children were failing or having difficulty mastering a skill or subject, then it was the teaching method that needed to be changed to better meet the child’s learning style and needs. It wasn’t that the children were dumb or incapable of learning. It wasn’t that I was a bad teacher. The solution was to adapt and continue to try a new approach until mastery was achieved.
Opportunities are available, and success can be reached. The road may appear easier or faster for some than for others. It may or may not be fair. Some may have more hurdles to overcome. So be it. I’ve often said and proven in my own life, difficult does not mean impossible.
There is much that needs fixing in our country and world today. My prayer is that we stop playing the blame game. Stop the excuse making and start problem solving. Nothing is so hard that it can’t be done. When we open our hearts and minds to believe that anything is possible, solvable and attainable, then it will be so.
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
My husband and I spent the afternoon in a dark air-conditioned movie theater, while another friend said she and her spouse spent the day floating in their pool. Both are good reprieves from a hot scorching sun.
This is summertime in Texas. I don’t even head to the beauty shop without an ice chest packed with something cool to sip on.
Like my snowbird friends who head south for the winter, we sunbirds head to the hills in search of a cool mountain breeze. Our August trip to Colorado will be a much welcomed respite from the unrelenting heat.
It’s not only sizzling in my neck of the prairie — we’ve gone over 25 days without a soaking rain shower. Dry, dusty days means my house is dirty. And the steamy weather is giving me an “I don’t care” chip on my shoulder.
Instead of cleaning house yesterday, which was my original intent, I spent much of it napping with my dachshund on the sofa under a ceiling fan — I might add — and watching DVDs. This is another pleasant intermission from sweltering temps.
My birthday is coming up, and I told my mom all I want is homemade ice cream. And I gave my daughter my DVD wish list. Now that’s a great way to spend an afternoon when the temperatures are miserably roasting — watching movies while eating homemade ice cream!
And when I can’t have ice cream, I’d settle for a chilly slice of watermelon to take the sweat off my brow. Or a cold glass of lemonade or sweet tea would go down mighty nice, too.
I’m expecting to get my stack of new books read this summer. When it’s simply too darn hot outside to worry about my flowers anymore, reading books is my relief plan.
Of course, there will be days when I must do some shopping. This will entail parking in the covered parking lot no matter how long I must vulture for an open spot. And this will mean going to one of the few indoor air-conditioned malls that remain near me. Whoever had the not-so-bright idea to build all of these outdoor shopping centers has never lived in Texas!
But whoever coined the phrase — “Christmas in July” — must be Texas born. I’ve discovered that Christmas shopping in July is another good way to find deliverance from smoldering outdoor temperatures.
I can still recall my first few summers after moving to the Lone Star State. My favorite way to chill down was sun bathing on a lounge chair completely surrounded by sprinklers. I set the water pressure where I was constantly getting lightly pebbled with water. We didn’t have central air conditioning back then, and our window unit couldn’t cut the mustard once the century mark was reached. This is when water does the job.
I’ve found that any water will do! Times well-spent in a swimming pool, the ocean, lake, river or water park are other soothing ways to fritter away summertime outdoors.
Tempers seem to be shorter when the thermometer goes up, so summertime also brings the need for more patience and tolerance. Consider the possibility that the driver who just cut you off may be riding in a car with a broken air-conditioner. Or the friend who seemed a bit abrupt over the telephone may have been busy trying to find an electrician to come fix the broken air-conditioning system in her house — sometime before next month. Yes, we could all use more compassion on hot summer days.
So, you’re feeling hot, tired, drained and in need of a break? Simmer down, my friends and refresh yourself. It’s summertime and this requires easy living. There isn’t much that needs to be done that can’t wait for a cooler day to do it. At least this is how I plan to survive the rest of my hot summer days!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
I’ve been proven wrong so many times, you would think I would stop making presumptions.
Presumption has been defined as “an attitude dictated by probability,” “acceptance or belief based on reasonable evidence, assumption or supposition,” or “grounds, reason, or evidence lending probability to belief.” An additional and important part of its definition is that presumptions often become “accepted as true” while yet “not certainly known.”
Undoubtedly, countless myths, bad advice and tall tales have been misleading and misinforming people for years, decades or centuries. When we presume that we know something to be true before we really do, envy, jealousy and false accusation can result. This has been my experience.
Recently, I was surprised — or perhaps shocked is a more accurate word — to learn that someone who I thought was happy, successful and satisfied with his life wasn’t. It turns out that many of the presumptions I held to be true about this person were completely wrong.
So, why the big surprise? The presumptions I believed were not based on personal knowledge or fact but rather assumption and supposition. I’m not so sure that assumption and supposition should ever be grouped in the same category as reasonable evidence, since there is often nothing reasonable about many of the assumptions we make. Or at least my own assumptions are usually lacking reason!
I think the problem is that reason needs the correct premise. Presumptions can be based on a wrong premise, and I think often are. So, no surprise when a wrong conclusion is reached.
Perhaps you’re like me and tired of being wrong so often. It may be time we implement some changes. First, a good dose of humility could be helpful. In order to not be stubbornly certain about something, we can be humble, which can help us remain open-minded, teachable, changeable, flexible and adaptable.
Some presumptions may be based on the old adage — “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” This could be when we look at others and think they are happier than we are, which leads us to conclude that surely life is better down the street, next door or across the country.
Such presumptions speak volumes about our own attitudes. Being envious or jealous of others — or simply paying constant attention to what others are doing — does nothing to improve our lives or make our circumstances better. An attitude adjustment may be what’s needed.
I’ve learned that the only way to change my attitude is to improve my understanding of identity and self-image. And that my friends, requires use of spiritual senses!
While our physical senses may see lack and limitation, our spiritual senses tell us God has given us everything we need and that there are infinite opportunities and resources within our grasp. Our spiritual senses affirm that God has endowed us with talents and abilities uniquely ours — that each of His children has an own important mission and purpose.
Our physical senses often focus more on what we don’t have or what can’t be seen. But our spiritual senses enable us to be grateful for what we do have and encourage our hope and expectancy for the possibility of what is yet to come and be experienced. And our spiritual senses promise good.
Finally, another good practice could be to base our judgments and understanding about something or someone more on actually proven or provable facts, rather than presumptions based on mere hearsay, implications or assumptions.
Perhaps we can become a bit like Dragnet’s Joe Friday when he said, “All we want are the facts, ma’am.” Basing opinions and viewpoints on the facts surely will keep us from being wrong so much of the time.
My ultimate plan is to stop assuming and presuming altogether! Making presumptions about others can become a preoccupation that stops us from improving upon our own life journey.
And we do each have our own unique life journey to be about. Yes, these days I feel an incredible freedom now that I’m more focused on my life journey rather than what I presume others are doing or not doing. Something tells me I’m on the right track!
