Oct 17, 2006 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2006. All rights reserved.
How could he say that? Why is she being that way? What were they thinking? When is he going to change? Who does she think she is? Whether these or similar sentiments were voiced about a coworker, political leader, family member or neighbor, I suspect all of us have been guilty of being intolerant of the actions, behavior or viewpoints of others.
Intolerance can take many forms. But it begins as a disapproving attitude. It grows into an inability or unwillingness to recognize and respect differences in opinions and beliefs. On a more extreme level, intolerance can lead to violence and in its most severe form — genocide.
As my husband says, “Intolerance (lack of love) causes all the ills of mankind.” And he says that often those who are intolerant seem totally blind to their intolerance.
Moving into the political season with the race toward the White House in 2008, I find myself dreading the possibility that political campaigns and family dinner conversations will be monopolized by intolerance.
My problem is that I’m intolerant of people who are intolerant.
It would seem that there is no peaceful and harmonious solution for combating the intolerance we see in others and find in ourselves. In taking my own dilemma to God in prayer recently, eight words spoken by Christ Jesus have inspired my thought: “… what is that to thee? Follow thou me.” (John 21:22) I’ve been pondering how this question and command can aid me in confronting intolerance in a couple of my own life battles.
A friend who professed to be a Christian hurt my feelings, treating me rudely and with contempt regarding a difference of opinion. I left the encounter in tears. But the memory of it kept me disturbed and sad for months. Those words of Christ Jesus came to mind as an answer to my prayer. It has become very clear that I can’t follow Christ Jesus’ teachings and example and harbor ill feelings toward anyone. So, with my spirit refreshed, I’m moving forward, free from sadness, regret and condemnation.
Some family members consider themselves associated with one political party and are quite intolerant of anyone associated with the other party. It is impossible for them to show respect toward the president, whoever he or she may be, if the president is not of their party persuasion. As I’ve written before, my daughter calls me an “extreme non-partisan,” and she’s right. Consequently, my intolerance is extreme toward people who express political intolerance. Even when I manage to “hold my tongue,” my emotions take hours to calm down. Then, it’s tempting to want to avoid being around these dear loved ones, or anyone else for that matter, if I think politics is on their minds. But again, these words of Christ Jesus are helping me stay focused on our higher calling and spiritual duty that is not dependent on or impacted by the behavior of others. I may have to silently recite those words of the Master during future family dinners to remind myself to follow the teachings of Christ, even when faced with disturbing or hostile viewpoints.
I decided that in order to help fight my own internal struggle against intolerance, I needed a refresher course on what it means to follow Christ. And it came to me that perhaps his greatest of all sermons is where I need to look — often called the “Sermon on the Mount.” Who could have known centuries upon centuries ago, that on a gentle slope of land rising above the Sea of Galilee, an incredibly calm, deeply inspired man would walk to the edge of the hill and set forth the code of conduct, which if followed, would assure peace and happiness for humanity for all time?
The Sermon begins with what are now often referred to as the “Beatitudes.” Jesus continues with explanations of law and religious practices, pointing out the spirit of each law and practice, which goes well beyond the letter. And he concludes with three final portrayals, offering the wisest of counsel on human behavior. (Matthew, Chapters 5 – 7)
Oh, what wisdom is to be found in the Sermon on the Mount! But be prepared, my friend, to examine your own heart and be transformed. Find the peace and joy within that nothing can take away. Learn to hold no grudges and harbor no anger. Discover what it means to walk the extra mile and walk it in love. Perceive a universal, all-pervasive love. Humble yourself to be teachable, and you will be taught how to see and conquer intolerance in your own heart — the first step toward conquering intolerance in the world around you.
Oct 17, 2006 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2006. All rights reserved.
My friend Shirley passed on a few days ago. She transitioned to the next road of her eternal journey. There is nothing else I would rather write about this week than my friend and what she taught me about what it means to be a friend.
The memorial service held in her honor was attended by a host of family, friends and colleagues. One of the awe-inspiring moments for me was when one of Shirley’s former colleagues from 28 years ago stood up to speak. As he began, he said he was certain no one in the crowded room had ever seen him before. He explained that he had worked for a Houston newspaper with Shirley. At some point, he had an opportunity to go to the Middle East to be a correspondent, and apparently Shirley was a voice of encouragement amid a deep sea of disapproval. He shared that it was her encouragement that helped him make a career decision that changed his life, and he would be forever grateful to her. He remains an international correspondent.
Yes, my friend Shirley was an encourager. I, too, have been blessed to receive her emboldening and motivating words. If I was bewildered, confused, uncertain, doubt-filled or frustrated, her encouragement was there.
Shirley’s reassurance was not limited only to difficult times, but also, as her newspaper colleague expressed, to times of possibility when her cheering and boosting were perhaps the greatest. I think Shirley saw each of her friends, family and colleagues as on the road to reaching their full potential, and she knew encouragement would enable us to reach that potential. So she gave it abundantly. The inspiriting atmosphere that filled our conversations allowed me to think aloud when I was with her. Every dialogue was one of self-discovery, and I was changed by each and every visit. She saw the best in me and helped me to see it, too.
Einstein describes friendship in this way: “Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” We read in the book of John, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13) And Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loveth at all times.” Mary Baker Eddy sums friendship up by saying it brings “to earth a foretaste of heaven.” Indeed!
My good friend Shirley gave her life for her friends — giving her time, imparting her passion, contributing her energy, offering her ideas, bestowing her inspiration. I’ve heard it said that a friend is more interested in being a friend than in having a friend.
A synonym for “giver” is “angel.” I’m reminded of the song by a longtime favorite country-western band, Alabama, entitled “Angels Among Us.” I believe there are angels among us, and they’re also known as friends.
Shirley encouraged me to follow my heart, my dreams, my vision, my inspiration. I hope I make as much of a difference in someone’s life as she has in mine. May I never underestimate the power of encouraging words and always share them lavishly and bountifully.
Thank you, Shirley, for showing me what it means to be a friend.
Oct 17, 2006 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2006. All rights reserved.
There are four “Cs” that thwart progress, strangle happiness, rob us of inner peace and keep satisfaction at an unreachable distance, and these are infamously known as criticizing, condemning, complaining and comparing. Each could be expounded upon and perhaps will be in future columns. But this week I am pondering the pitfalls of comparing.
How often I have looked at other people and compared myself to them! In my early childhood, many times I wanted to ask someone to come over to play at my house, and I didn’t. “Why would they want to come to my house? Their house was so much bigger and prettier,” I lamented. I’ve often wondered how many friendships I missed out on because of my own feelings of inferiority.
In high school, comparisons were inevitable and not always by choice. Social cliques were obviously distinguished by those who were on the cheerleading or drill teams and those who were not, the pretty girls and the plain girls, the skinny girls and the fat girls, the smart girls and the, shall we say, academically challenged girls, as well as the designer-dressed girls and the bargain-basement-fitted girls. And you were very clear how you stacked up and to which group you belonged.
After many school years of comparing as an acceptable mode of behavior, perhaps it’s no surprise that, as adults, we continue to compare ourselves with our neighbors, friends and colleagues. The problem with comparing is it often leads to envy, jealousy, unnecessary competitiveness and an undermining of our own self-worth.
In fact, comparing oneself with others is the basis for the old adage “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence,” meaning we believe others are always in a better situation than we are, although they may not be.
Measuring ourselves against others sours our life, creating anxiety, stress, isolation and depression. It is a fruitless exercise and an incredible waste of energy. The truth is, there’s no one like us, and this makes us incomparable.
We’re each one of a kind with different traits, talents, skills and abilities. Each of us has God-given special gifts. We have our own life purpose to fulfill. The bottom line is no one can do a better job of being you than you.
As a middle-aged woman, I’ve grown weary of fretting about her funnier jokes or her smaller bottom or her newer car or her bigger paycheck or her flatter stomach and so on and so on. I’ve finally tired of feeling inadequate and not good enough.
On our cattle ranch, I’ve seen fields rich with green grass with always that cow who would rather risk getting her head stuck in between barbed-wire to eat grass on the other side of the fence than to eat what’s right at her feet. And the grass truly wasn’t any greener or better. In fact, the grass on the other side of the fence had not received the fertilizer the grass in the hayfields had received and truly wasn’t as good and nutritious. I’ve decided that perhaps I’ve spent too many years like that silly cow, not recognizing the good at hand in my own self.
In his first letter to the Corinthians, Paul gives an insightful and helpful analogy on the futility of comparing. He describes one body having many different parts, illustrating the import and uniqueness of each part. Each of these parts has a viable and needed role — not one is better or less important than another. While all are diversely different from the others, all are united into one body. (1 Corinthians 12:12-26)
Pondering this beautiful analogy has helped me recognize my uniqueness and special gifts and, consequently, also value and appreciate who I am — what makes me a “second to none” me. I suspect we all can do a much better job being ourselves than attempting to be someone else. I’m beginning to ask myself, “Why not just be the best possible me instead of a poor imitation of her.”
So, these days I’m working on being the best “me” I can be. I’m no longer comparing myself to others. If I’m not happy and satisfied, it’s because I want to be a better “me.” I think now my problem is that I tend to sometimes compare my middle-aged self with my younger self, and then I like the younger self better. Well, at least I like the smaller bottom and flatter stomach better! But that’s another story…
Oct 17, 2006 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2006. All rights reserved.
The world seems trapped in perpetual “us and them” warfare. No surprise, I guess, since “tribalism” is one of the oldest human cultures on earth. This point of view has long divided societies into subgroups called tribes who believe they share a sense of identity and kinship. We’ve grown quite accustomed to restricting ourselves into groups and categories.
I was taught to pick sides for relay teams in kindergarten. My life has always been about picking sides and recognizing differences — from the group of friends to have, to the color of our skin; from the religious denomination to join, to the size of our house; from the preference of sports team, to the type of car we drive; from the political party to endorse, and so on. It often seems impossible to see anything but our differences.
But what if the tribal perspective is not the best and most beneficial outlook — or even accurate from a spiritual standpoint? It seems to me that Christ Jesus’ teachings lead us to conclude another vantage point should govern our lives — one that makes any view that would separate and divide not a good or appropriate or right choice. He points out the two greatest commandments. The first is: “Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord; And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength.” Then Jesus tells us the second is like unto the first: “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Mark 12:29-31).
Certainly, recognizing that there is only one God unifies us in the understanding that we all have the same divine Parent. Our viewpoint changes to “we” instead of “us and them.” And loving our neighbor becomes more about what binds us rather than what separates us. Are we not interconnected as a universal community of God’s beloved children? How does this premise change our attitudes, opinions, decisions, choices and behavior toward each other, about each other, for each other?
I’m reminded of a story I heard long ago of a Midwestern farmer who year after year won a blue ribbon for his corn in the state fair. One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and discovered the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors. This surprised the reporter, since the farmer’s neighbors were also entering their corn in the same competition. The farmer explained how wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and carries it from field to field. He said, “If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn.”
I loved this lesson of the connectedness of life. It points to solutions for every community and world problem. Those who choose to be at peace must help their neighbors to be at peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well. Those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness. The welfare of each one is bound up with the welfare of all. So, “if we are to grow good corn, we must help our neighbors grow good corn.”
Sept. 11, 2001 taught me I could no longer live in isolation from the rest of the world. I am connected to my brethren around the globe. I can’t ignore opinions and philosophies that differ from mine. And I can’t ignore the suffering, confusion and misunderstandings of my neighbors either. Shortly after 9/11, I wrote and submitted my first guest column to a newspaper. My hope has been that by sharing ideas and experiences that have helped me, I may be of help to others. And I’m listening to, reading and desiring to understand viewpoints of others, too.
A couple of weeks ago a news commentary about the work Heifer International is doing in Tanzanian communities in the battle against hunger and poverty caught my attention. This organization expounds upon a simple idea of giving families a source of food, such as a heifer, rather than short-term relief of food provisions. But even more compelling is the project’s “Passing on the Gift” aspect, in which participants in the program agree to experience the joy of helping others by giving a neighbor the offspring of their animal as well as training support. In Tanzania, Christian and Muslim neighbors are forming bonds and joining together to better their own lives.
In reading a bit about the history of this grassroots-focused organization, I discovered it was founded by a Midwestern farmer, Dan West, who after giving milk to hungry children during the Spanish Civil War, concluded, “These children don’t need a cup; they need a cow.” This conclusion led to his founding of Heifer International in 1944 based upon that philosophy, and since that time helping 7 million families in 128 countries gain self-reliance and hope. Today, Heifer has over 600 projects in 51 countries, including the United States.
Perhaps Dan West knew that Midwestern corn farmer. Maybe they were neighbors. They both understood that what blesses one, blesses all.
I’m going to endeavor to live my life based upon those two great commandments emphasized by the Master, knowing that in God’s eyes there is no “us and them,” for we be brethren. My hope is that the leaders in this and other countries can learn to make judgments and decisions on the same basis. Then, it would never be a question of whether we should help a neighbor, but only how.
Oct 17, 2006 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2006. All rights reserved.
Do you have dreams that have never been realized? Do you feel like it’s too late to act on them? Well, maybe it’s not!
Since my childhood, I have aspired to be a published author. I’ve always loved to write. Keeping a journal was a passion that began when I was 9 years old. But many years passed without my youthful dreams coming true.
The pursuit of ideals, for women and men alike, has long been a powerful force in restoring hope in the face of impossible odds. Its power often comes when we consider that impossible odds might sometimes be self-imposed odds that make us sigh with dismay: “too old” or “too late.” But to impossible odds, the dreamer and visionary will always say, “Not so!”
March being National Women’s History Month compels me to write about a woman whose life example tells me it’s never too late to pursue aspirations, achieve goals and fulfill one’s life purpose. I first learned of Mary Baker Eddy as an American author of a book that explained groundbreaking ideas about spirituality and health — ideas that are more at home in the 21st century than in her own 19th-century world, in fact.
David Hufford of the Pennsylvania State College of Medicine wrote in his book “Eddy: Current Running against the Mainstream”: “In the late 1800s, there were very few women in medical schools, in seminaries, or in universities. Mrs. Eddy and a handful of other women upset centuries of tradition when they began to speak and write about religious and medical issues … and to talk openly about the equality of men and women.”
Mary Baker Eddy openly challenged the conventional thinking in the theology, medicine and science of her times, and for this, she was often the target of criticism and slander. Consequently, I’ve found that some historical records still don’t tell all the facts of her life correctly. The lives of others have much to teach us, so how important it is for his-stories and her-stories to be accurately told!
What inspires me now as I approach the half-century mark is that she was 54 years old when her renowned book “Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures” was first published. And top that with the fact that she was 87 years old when she launched The Christian Science Monitor as a balanced and ethical alternative to the sensational journalism of her day. A paper that remains a leading international newspaper, I might add.
Such accomplishments (and there were many others) by a woman during her middle age and senior years give me inspiration to imagine the possibilities for my dreams today.
Eddy’s own words provide some insight into how ambitions can be accomplished. “The devotion of thought to an honest achievement makes the achievement possible.” Her life and accomplishments proved this for us all.
History is filled with accounts of many great men and women who have reached their aims and attained their high hopes. Mary Baker Eddy describes their lives as “miracles of patience and perseverance.” And like them and like her, we’ve all got it in us.
Still feel like it’s too late to pursue your dreams? Well, maybe it’s not!
For more information about Mary Baker Eddy and her many accomplishments, visit the website of the Mary Baker Eddy Library.
