Oct 13, 2006 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2006. All rights reserved.
The summer following my junior year in college, I was feeling pretty devastated and dismayed. Here’s why: Although I really wanted a college education, I also believed I would find a husband while I was in school. I had just broken up with my boyfriend, however, and was no longer hopeful that my husband was on campus, waiting for me to show up.
I just wanted to be loved. I wanted to matter to someone, to be special. Fear of never finding lasting love imprisoned my thoughts, crippling right reasoning and paralyzing my judgment.
On the July 4th weekend, I headed to the beach with a friend, where we hoped to meet some cute guys. One thing led to another, and I was seduced by my fears into a weekend of immoral behavior. I didn’t even recognize myself that weekend. It was like I was watching someone else.
Recently I came across this statement by Mary Baker Eddy: “A man’s fear, unconquered, conquers him, in whatever direction.” (Message to the Mother Church for 1901, p. 13) When I think of that summer, more than 25 years ago, I can see that those words were at the root of what happened.
I was humbled like the prodigal son.
I struggled and agonized with guilt and remorse for at least a couple of weeks following that weekend. Later in the month, the Bible Lesson in the Christian Science Quarterly was on the subject of Love and it included Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son, which Luke recorded in his Gospel. This parable really spoke to me in a healing way about my situation.
The story describes a young man who obtained his inheritance from his father and then wasted it in “riotous living.” When he became destitute, he came to his senses and decided to return to his father and beg for forgiveness. He was even willing to be a servant in the household instead of a son.
The Bible account goes on, “When he [the son] was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.”
I felt like I was “a great way off,” very far removed from anything divine. I felt unworthy to be a daughter in the household—and by this time I had realized I wasn’t looking for love in the right place. What I was finding was not really love at all. There was no joy, no satisfaction, no contentment.
I felt God’s mercy and love.
This was a very distressing time because I felt so ashamed of what I’d done, and because of my shame, I felt I could only confide in God. My humble cry for God’s mercy was immediately heard by a loving Father-Mother God. One night, as I was studying the Bible Lesson, I recalled the words Jesus heard when John was baptizing him. The message that came to me from God was a paraphrase from Matthew’s account of that event: “This is my beloved daughter, in whom I am well-pleased.” It was one of those “on your knees” kinds of experiences, and this message redeemed my weary and ashamed heart. I felt embraced by divine Love.
God was seeing only good in His daughter—in me. I felt loved. I felt complete. Fear no longer had power to misguide and confuse me. I felt God was healing, forgiving and comforting me.
Much of this help came through inspired ideas in the Bible. For example, these words from the book of Isaiah strengthened me: “Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth…For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts in his name; and thy Redeemer…”
I felt so loved by God and knew God would always be there for me, always ready to listen and help and take care of me. That was enough.
I returned to college my senior year with a new goal. I still did want to marry someday. My heart was filled with patient hope and expectancy. But I no longer felt having a boyfriend or being married were the only means of being complete and happy.
Love comes to all of God’s children.
I understood better that God is Love, and love comes from God to all of His dear children. That love is expressed in multiple ways—all of which bring satisfaction and joy.
I was so grateful for being rescued by divine Love from my empty search that my new goal was to express love to everyone around me. To be a good friend. To help others.
My first three years of college hadn’t left much room for making friends with other girls in my dorm, as my attention was focused on having boyfriends. But as a senior, I wanted to be a good friend and big sister to my dorm mates, and be supportive and helpful in any way I could. I also devoted time and effort in various community services.
I still dated boys. But my motive was to be a friend and have fun. No longer was I examining every boy I met to see if he could be my Mr. Right.
The summer following my senior year, I did meet the man I’ve been happily married to for almost 25 years. But I knew through this experience that marriage didn’t have to be the conclusion for my happy tale. Whether married or single, God is always taking care of us and providing the love we need.
God, the source of constant love.
Oct 13, 2006 |
United States, Great Britain, Japan, Canada, Australia and elsewhere have loved ones serving in the military in trouble spots around the world. This interview explores how the author’s daughter deals with the anxiety of having her husband serving in time of war. But any individual with a loved one in the military will recognize her concerns.
by Annette Bridges. ©2006. All rights reserved.
Our daughter Jennifer married a little over two years ago, only six days before our son-in-law was to begin his Air Force training. In September 2005, his training completed, he left the country on his first overseas deployment. And our daughter came to stay with us.
In the hours we spend together, Jennifer and I talk about many things—her sweet husband, the spiritual ideas we are both learning from our study of the Bible and Mrs. Eddy’s writings, and how the ideas are helping get her through the holiday season when her husband is so far from home. We thought it would be helpful to share these ideas with others.
I know you’ve understood from the day you married there would be months of deployment. How did you prepare yourself for being separated from your husband?
At first the thought of my husband being deployed paralyzed me and brought my fears to a peak. I began having nightmares. I felt a sadness I could not define. I was struggling with fears of dealing with death. I felt anxious, not just at the possible loss of my husband, but anxious about dealing with the death of any of my family members, whenever that might be.
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The laws of God apply to every situation.
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I believe there are laws of God applicable for any situation, and that surely these laws must be effective anywhere, anytime. But I was feeling like I didn’t have the tools I needed to put them into practice.
So I decided to take a class on Christian Science. I felt this class would teach me more about God and how to apply the laws of God in the Bible for myself and my family, and especially for my husband.
I’ve been learning to focus more on the present instead of worrying about the future. To move from dwelling on death to getting a better understanding of Life—God. The more I study, the more confident I become that through God we’re all connected to each other; that all things are possible with God.
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“All things are possible to him that believeth.”
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Christ Jesus gave us this promise: “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.” This faith-inspired confidence has lessened my anxieties about separation from my husband. It’s given me a more certain hope.
How have you been praying about the idea of your husband being in a danger zone?
I affirm that he can never for one millisecond be separated from God. He’s always encompassed in God’s love. I know that whatever he is faced with, he’s protected. Paul’s words encourage my faith: “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
In my prayers, I affirm there’s nothing my husband can’t handle, because God is always there to guide him. He’ll have the clarity he needs and will be receptive to the ideas he needs to make the right decisions. And not only my husband, but also the entire crew on his plane. They will all make the right decisions to stay safe.
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I don’t dwell on fear; I’ve found a peace.
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Relying on God’s power and control have helped me overcome illnesses and other challenges in my life. Remembering these experiences, and reading about others’ healing and life-transforming experiences, increases my faith now and supports my peace. They give me reason to pray for my husband and trust in my prayers. So I don’t dwell on fear anymore. I’ve found a peace. As a military wife, you have to find your peace—whatever that means to you.
Sometimes you don’t hear from your husband for days. How do you deal with this?
I have to know, really know, he can’t be separated from God and trust in that. Sometimes my imagination can take over, but I keep my thoughts in control by knowing God is in control. Neither my husband’s life, nor mine, is governed by circumstance.
I’ve found great comfort from this statement of Mary Baker Eddy: “Understanding the control which Love held over all, Daniel felt safe in the lions’ den, and Paul proved the viper to be harmless.”
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God is always guiding His children.
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To be assured that God, Love, is always caring for and guiding His children, wherever they are, quiets needless fears. That assurance also brings me the peace that my husband can do his job—even though he may be in a dangerous situation—and still feel and be safe.
When you hear of others who are hurt or killed in Iraq or Afghanistan, how do you feel?
I empathize with what these families are going through. I want to tell them that God is right there with them and with their loved one.
I’ve imagined all too often how I would react if I received that dreaded news. Hearing about other soldiers being hurt or killed brings home this possibility. You’re forced to think about this possibility even before your husband deploys.
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I believe in Christ Jesus’ promise of eternal life.
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The military makes families plan how they want to receive this type of news. If I had to deal with the loss of my husband, the only thing that comforts me is knowing death is not the end of his life. I believe in Christ Jesus’ promise of eternal life. And in the promise and hope that I will see my husband again.
How do you maintain your joy at the holidays with your husband away?
All my life, my grandmother has quoted Christ Jesus’ words, “Your joy no man taketh from you.” That joy is God-given—it can’t be lost or taken away. That joy is powerful and healing.
So I’m cherishing the time I’m spending with family and friends. Taking comfort and joy in these precious moments. Especially with my grandparents. But I’m also making plans to celebrate Christmas when my husband returns. I’ve decorated our house on base for Christmas and will leave the decorations up for him. In fact, my parents and grandparents are leaving their decorations up, too! I shop and plan just like he is home because I know we will celebrate Christmas together when he returns.
We’re setting a place for my husband at our Christmas dinner table and will honor his life of service before we eat. And then we’ll have another holiday dinner when he returns.
Has this experience made you more compassionate toward other military families, including those from other nations?
I feel a close tie with other military families, wherever they’re from. I cherish the knowledge that there are other families that understand what I’m going through. Whether we consider people an ally or an enemy, the struggles and losses families go through are the same.
I’ve always loved remembering what Abram said to Lot as they peaceably ended the tensions between them: “Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren.”
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We’re all children of the same God.
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No matter what is being fought for on either side, we’re all united in the brotherhood of humanity. We’re all children of the same God. Nothing can change that.
How is your husband dealing with being away from home? What has he shared with you?
It’s been a struggle at times. Life over there can become monotonous. It comforts him to know that I’m with my family and that we all love him. He values his experience as a lifetime learning opportunity. He is appreciating home more, even the little things. And he’s learning to not take things for granted.
Is there anything else you’d like to offer, particularly to other soldiers’ wives? Or to soldiers deployed or preparing for deployment?
My advice to other military wives would be to stay close to something you love a lot, whether it be family, a job, a hobby. Surround yourself with what gives you joy. But know you’re not alone. God is always with you. You can count on that.
To other soldiers deployed, I want to say, Know you’re appreciated. A lot of people back home value what you’re doing and are praying for your safe return.
| God is there to protect you, wherever you are. |
And if you’re a soldier preparing for deployment? You don’t have to be afraid. God will be with you to protect and guide you, no matter where you are or what you’re doing. The Bible gives you this promise: “When thou goest out to battle against thine enemies . . . be not afraid of them: for the Lord thy God is with thee.”
And to people everywhere in the world, including non-military families—Mrs. Eddy wrote an article titled “Prayer for Country and Church” in which she wrote, “In your peaceful homes remember our brave soldiers, whether in camp or in battle.”
And these words, from the same article, have become part of my daily prayer: “… may their love of country, and their faithful service thereof, be unto them life-preservers!”
Merry Christmas to my husband and to all soldiers in every part of the world! My mom and I are praying for your safe return to your families and homelands!
Oct 13, 2006 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2006. All rights reserved.
“You have your daddy’s temper,” I was told growing up. After my dad passed on when I was 10 years old, I remember my mom saying, “I think he spent most of his life mad about something.”
I didn’t want to get angry so easily, but for years I couldn’t help myself. A sociologist might say I was trapped in a cycle of temper and abuse—a behavior learned from my family environment. I recall many a time when I screamed such horrible words I would be filled with regret afterwards. I also slammed doors, stormed off, or threw whatever was in my reach. Again and again after such uncontrollable outbursts, I felt sorry and ashamed.
Those words, “You have your daddy’s temper,” replayed in my head every time I got mad. I had accepted those five words as part of my identity. And because of this, I felt I had an excuse for my uncontrollable temper.
I became aware of how spirituality shapes my life.
Around the same time as my dad’s passing, I was introduced to the Christian Science Weekly Bible Lesson that led me to find the book, Science and Health. (You can find the Internet version of the lesson on this Web site. See link below.) Over the course of the next 30 years, I became aware of how spirituality shapes my life. Studying and pondering spiritual ideas slowly transformed my self-concept. I gained an improved understanding of my heritage and parentage. I learned of the infinite power of God. And I learned I could turn to God for help with any situation.
I no longer felt helpless, fearful or hopeless when confronted with challenges. I gained confidence in spiritual answers and developed an expectancy of positive, healing results.
But with all I was learning, with all I had overcome and witnessed, I still couldn’t control my temper. Although the abusive nature of my angry outbursts did diminish over these years, it still plagued me occasionally. Actually, I think I was still accepting temper as a response in which I had no choice. There were other feelings that also fueled my temper—feelings of aggravation, impatience and frustration.
I didn’t want to be a willful person.
Not long ago, a friend gave me a definition of frustration that has stayed with me. She defined frustration as, “unsatisfied self-will.” Since there were many things causing me frustration (or so I thought), it was disturbing to think I was perhaps being willful. I felt justified when my anger was a result of being frustrated by the behavior of someone else. The idea of being willful was putting responsibility on my own shoulders. I didn’t want to be a willful person. My love for God was such that I truly wanted to follow His will and not my own.
I found in my study of Science and Health that Mary Baker Eddy warns of the misleading human will. I began to wonder if my view of people or perception of situations as frustrating and annoying was confusing my ability to behave appropriately.
Eddy speaks of freedom of choice in how we think and act, and instructs us how to make decisions that lead to good results. She reminds us we have responsibility for our thoughts and actions. And she helps us see how our thoughts determine our actions. I love, in Science and Health, her analogy about a sculptor. Eddy writes, “The sculptor turns from the marble to his model in order to perfect his conception. We are all sculptors, working at various forms, moulding and chiseling thought. What is the model before mortal mind? Is it imperfection, joy, sorrow, sin, suffering? Have you accepted the mortal model? Are you reproducing it
I had to choose a new model.
Well, yes! I had certainly accepted a model of abusive and uncontrollable temper for myself and was reproducing it again and again in my life.
In recent years, I have become determined to take responsibility for my thoughts and actions and no longer allow uncontrollable outbursts or reactions to disrupt the harmony of my life and those around me. To do this, I had to choose a new model—the woman God created. One who is poised, full of grace, patient, composed, just, gentle and loving. And I’ve been pretty successful, for the first time in my life, at controlling my temper. Sound too easy?
Honestly, it’s been easier than I imagined it could be or thought possible. It has required pausing before every action for a prayerful examination of thoughts and motives. It’s been amazing to see the powerful effect of these momentary prayers. I can’t say that I never forget to take these prayerful pauses and never ever get angry about anything. But I can’t even remember when I lost my temper in an uncontrollable rage. In fact, it truly feels impossible for that to happen now.
The cycle of abusive temper has been broken.
Asking God for direction on every thought and action doesn’t require a lot of time. In fact, the answer comes as quickly as I pause.
My husband, John, and I just celebrated our 23rd anniversary. And I don’t think that would have happened if I had not chosen a new model of behavior for my life. In the early years of our marriage, it would not have been unusual for me to completely and irrationally lose my temper, often throwing something or being quite abusive in my speech. And back then, it didn’t take much to make me mad. Now those days are truly gone. It’s actually really difficult for me to even feel uncontrollable anger. And if I am confronted with a hint of those feelings, a “prayer pause” gets my thoughts clearly and accurately focused on the issue at hand and a temper fit is never the appropriate response.
Speaking about this with a friend, John said, “Annette has truly taken control of her temper. Her lack of control in our early years of marriage is gone. I believe her change came as a result of realizing the damaging effects of her actions. Also, in motherhood she saw the need to raise our child in a calm atmosphere, or else the negative would perpetuate itself.” He also attributed my change to what he refers to as a “fresh commitment to the study of Science and Health.”
The cycle of abusive temper has been broken. It has become easier and easier to make the right and appropriate choices of behavior. God doesn’t leave us at the mercy of evil to confuse and misguide us in our behavior and actions. God is always with us at every moment to guide us down the right path.
Oct 13, 2006 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2006. All rights reserved.
This is my family’s first holiday season with a loved one deployed overseas. Our son-in-law, Justin, is serving in the United States Air Force. It’s been a difficult time, but as we’ve been praying, the idea for a new tradition emerged.
In keeping with the Thanksgiving theme of gratitude, our son-in-law’s empty place will be set. Before we raise our forks, those of us at the table will express gratitude for Justin and his willingness to put the safety and security of his fellow citizens before his own.
We will pay tribute to his ideals, dedication, passion, patriotism, courage and conviction. We are very grateful for Justin and these wonderful qualities he expresses so freely.
We’re all the children of the one Father-other God.
As we’ve been praying for Justin, we are reminded that we are all brethren with one Father-Mother God who is loving and cherishing each of Her children.
Of course, the United States is certainly not the only country who has soldiers and families separated from each other. So we’ll also be thinking about all of those selfless and brave hearts serving their respective countries throughout the world.
I imagine that most families think about their deployed family members and friends frequently, and we’re no different. We keep our soldier close in our thoughts, conversation and prayer. We never leave him out.
We mail him packages and cards frequently. And we hold on to every word he says when he gets the opportunity to call. We appreciate technology that helps the world stay more connected via the Internet, and often look at photos he sends us by email.
Our prayers give us the most comfort.
We feel connected to Justin because of all these things, but it’s the prayer that gives us the most lasting comfort and peace of mind.
Through prayer and Bible study, we’re reminded that God is as near to our soldier as He is to us back home. There’s an implied sense of safety in this truth. We’re all together in God’s embrace.
But sometimes we get fearful about Justin’s safety. Like other military families, there are days upon days when we don’t hear from our serviceman. That’s when fears and anxieties run the highest.
We’ve found the Book of Psalms in the Bible to be particularly reassuring at those times.
“If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there.”
Psalm 139 affirms: “Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.”
We’ve discovered Psalm 91 is a very powerful prayer. We personalize it by putting our soldier’s name in place of the pronouns:
“[Justin] dwelleth in the secret place of the most High [and] shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” Or “He shall cover [Justin] with his feathers, and under his wings shalt [Justin] trust….” As Justin is in the Air Force, we especially love the verses that mention wings.
It’s wise to turn to God for protection.
And these thoughts about safety aren’t just wishful thinking—they’re powerful forces for good. I’ve experienced the power of prayer in my own life, and I know turning to God in matters of protection is a wise thing to do.
I admit that in the past I didn’t give more than a passing thought to the sacrifices made by those in the military and their families, but our current circumstances will change that forever.
I’m making a promise in my heart to continue our new tradition. We’ll have an empty place set at our dinner table every Thanksgiving and Christmas to remind us to love and pray for the thousands that are separated from loved ones during precious holiday gatherings.
And most importantly, we’ll pray for their safe return home.
Oct 13, 2006 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2006. All rights reserved.
Sometimes I think about how much time I’ve wasted worrying about not having enough time. It’s a vicious circle. I get nothing done because I’m too busy fretting about not having enough time to accomplish what I want to do.
So I stress over impossible deadlines on a project I’m working on. I worry that a remodeling project won’t get completed before Christmas. I feel overwhelmed with so many responsibilities that I don’t go visit my mom or my brother or call a friend. And the list could go on.
Recently I got some new insights into how to win the battle with time—or lack of it—from “Now and Then,” an article written by Mary Baker Eddy that was published in 1903 (The First Church of Christ, Scientist, and Miscellany, pp. 12-14).
Here are a few ideas that inspired me:
“We own no past, no future, we possess only now.”
“If the reliable now is carelessly lost in speaking or in acting, it comes not back again.”
“Faith in divine Love supplies the ever-present help and now, and gives the power to ‘act in the living present.’”
“Now is the accepted time.”
The Apostle Paul also spoke of “now” in regard to time. He said, “Behold, now is the accepted time….” One definition for “accepted” is “preferred.” So now, not later, is the preferred time.
I think focusing on now, from a spiritual standpoint of our relation to God, can show me how to win the time-crunch war.
My step dad, who introduced me and my mom to Christian Science, began every day thinking about these words by Mary Baker Eddy: “To those leaning on the sustaining infinite, to-day is big with blessings.” Those words were part of his morning prayer, which he often shared aloud as he drove me to school.
The solution to enjoying blessings in the now surely is found in God, the sustaining infinite. Divine Love, or God, is here with us right now to help us with our every need. Love helps us shape our right desires into present actions.
We don’t need more time—just right now.
When we let Love lead the way, we find that we don’t actually need more time. We just need right now. Now is the only place that moments can be lived. In another article, “Improve Your Time,” Mrs. Eddy wrote, “All successful individuals have become such by hard work; by improving moments before they pass into hours …” (Miscellaneous Writings 1883-1896, p. 230).
What’s most important is how we act, speak, what we do right now. If our moments are God-directed, we can’t go wrong. By trusting God’s guidance, we’ll always have present possibilities for memorable moments—no matter where we are.
