Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
I’ve just returned from my trip to Italy, and I’m trying to find the words to describe the experience. I suspect it may take several columns to cover all the inspirations and insights gleaned from my travels.
My first conclusion is that you must feel Italy — not merely see it. Indeed, there are many sights to see. But if you rush around trying to see as many as possible during your brief visit, you will miss the most important experience of all — cappuccino.
I fell in love with cappuccino while in Italy. Perhaps this love affair was made possible because cafés do not serve your cappuccino in a to-go cup. No, the only way to truly enjoy a soothing cup of cappuccino — and the café owners know this — is in a small china cup. This requires you to stop and sit or stand still while you drink.
Relishing my many cappuccino encounters allowed me to think about how I was feeling. And I loved how I felt as I slowly sipped — not wanting my cup to empty too fast. I felt calm, attentive, refreshed and happy. I felt an appreciation and an awareness of the moment I’ve never felt before.
Italy and cappuccino were teaching me what it means to “live in the moment.” No longer were these just words that sounded like a good idea. Indeed, before I came to Italy, putting those words into practice was sometimes harder than it sounded.
Even the tour guide in Bologna emphasized the importance of feeling what we were seeing. She said what was important was to notice how we felt in each church — each an example of a distinct architectural style and time in history.
She said, too, that each church represented a different understanding of man’s relationship to God. In one church, she said, we can feel the man entering with his head down waiting for a better life after death. In another church, she said, we can feel man looking upward with hope of a better life that is possible right now.
One of my friends questioned our tour guide about the name of a church we had just toured. And the tour guide said its name didn’t matter — wanting us to think only about how it made us feel. And so I did.
Life doesn’t pass us by, my friends. But I think we can pass life by if we walk too fast. In Italy I learned to slow down. Actually, this isn’t something I learned so much as it just happened as I focused on and appreciated each moment. I took a deep breath with every step, and I couldn’t help but walk more slowly.
I remember a line from a favorite country song: “I’m in a hurry and don’t know why.” But I do know why I’m no longer in a hurry! Living six days in Italy was enough to help me really understand why.
Life happens in the moments. And each moment is precious and longing to please us, love us, comfort us, engage us, if only we slow down and allow ourselves to feel and experience each moment. I will not forget this lesson now that I’m home. I don’t want to ever miss “feeling” a moment of life again!
To make sure I don’t, I’m ordering everything I need to make cappuccino — with an Italian brand moka, milk foamer and espresso. Somehow, I think making and having a delicious cup of cappuccino before I start each day will help me remember what is most important. And from now on, when I’m out and about and want a cappuccino, I plan to go into the coffee shops and sit down instead of going through the drive-throughs. No more to-go cups for me!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
It’s hard to believe that I had almost forgotten that March was National Women’s History Month. It was, in fact, my husband who reminded me, after he heard a news story about a woman who had survived Indian captivity during the 19th century.
For years, American history curriculums have been void of women’s experiences, perspectives, accomplishments and contributions to our culture and society. It may be difficult to ever find and recognize all the women that make up our nation’s early history, since many of their stories were probably never documented, recorded or thought worthy enough to be saved.
Most of us hopefully know about those gutsy women whose bravery, courage and determination resulted in women having the right the vote. Women like Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony and Alice Paul, to name only a few.
Many notable and ordinary women have blazed the trails women now walk. These were women who were visionaries, problem solvers and mentors. Some made headlines and some without loud fanfare, but all left their indelible mark in their homes, workplaces and communities.
And my women friends today need to remember that they, too, are part of making women’s history for future generations.
I think the women (and men, too, for that matter) who capture my greatest respect are those who do whatever it takes to overcome some impossible obstacle.
One of these women is Mary Baker Eddy. Larry Lipman, when serving as President of the National Press Club, said, “What do you do if you’re eighty-eight years old, you’ve already created a denomination, and the newspapers of the day start attacking you? Well, if you’re Mary Baker Eddy, you create your own newspaper, and you show them how it’s supposed to be done.” His speech was honoring The Christian Science Monitor, which Eddy founded in 1908 amid an era of rampant yellow journalism that dominated American newsrooms.
I find myself facing my own obstacle at this time in my life. I long to overcome whatever it is that is keeping me from understanding my purpose in this life. No, it’s nothing so earth-shattering or significant that it will make much of a difference to anyone else but me. But it feels like my world is at a turning point of some kind.
Since becoming an empty nester, I’ve struggled with feelings of regret and insignificance. I feel like there is more I’m supposed to do with my life, but I’m not sure exactly what that is. Many times I’ve pushed myself to try new things and explore ideas and possibilities never considered before. But still, the search continues.
As I write this column, I am only three days from doing something I’ve never done before and never imagined doing. All I can say is that I feel like it’s something I must do, even though I don’t fully understand why.
I was invited to travel to Italy with a couple of girl friends — without husbands.
I’m a mishmash of excitement and fear. I decided I could not allow my insecurities to stop me from making this trip, so here I am. Three days until departure and the packing has begun.
When I explained all of my uneasy feelings to my daughter, she responded with a quote she recalled reading somewhere, “It’s time to put your big girl panties on and deal with it!”
After doing a little research, I found these words published on countless things from t-shirts to magnets, from wine glasses to coffee mugs. I’m not sure who said it first. Regardless, I must admit it does rather sum up what I feel I must do about my pending trip and probably a few other quandaries as well.
I think it was Bette Davis who once said, “Fasten your seat belts. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.” Perhaps that sentiment sometimes sums up our life, ladies and gentlemen, but I have a feeling that we may decide that bumpy ride was well worth it.
My life story may not be published in the history books, but my story, just like your story, is important. We are each a gift from God, and our life and purpose is precious in His sight. Each of our lives makes a difference in this world of ours — whether we know that or not.
Whether our story is one of survival or of great strength and ability, we are making history, and someone will be benefited by our example.
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Are you a good listener?
I’ve always been told that good communication begins with good listening. And I’ve often wondered how many misunderstandings and conflicts could have been avoided by better listening.
Undoubtedly, there’s a story behind every headline and every picture — a tale and a testimony on every street corner and in every home. And there’s a story behind every story. We each have a narrative that is part of humanity’s novel.
Are we sharing our anecdotes and are we listening to others share theirs?
We need to share our lessons, our successes and our failures. And we need to share our dreams and hopes as well as our fears and worries. We’re not walking this journey called life alone. We find this out as we talk with our fellow travelers.
Of course, first we need to want to listen to our fellow travelers tell their stories. Then we need to learn how to listen — which I think is rather different from mere hearing.
We can hear that our neighbor is talking to us, but does he have our full attention? Do we sincerely “lend an ear” and listen carefully to what is being shared with us? Do we genuinely want to understand his perspective and experience?
Or do we have assumptions about what our neighbor’s point of view is before he ever shares it? While our neighbor speaks, are we giving our watch an occasional glance or thinking about what else we need to do that day? Are we constantly tempted to chime in and add our two cents worth?
If you can plead guilty to any of these questions — like me — then I suggest our listening skills may need a good overhaul.
In thinking about a Biblical example of good listening, the first to come to mind was Mary. This Mary was sister to Martha who invited Jesus into her home to speak to those who came to hear him. While Martha was very busy attending to preparations for her guests, the Bible says Mary “sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word.” (Luke 10:38-42)
Martha even complained to Jesus that her sister was doing nothing but sitting there listening to him speak.
I can only imagine what it might have been like to listen to Jesus. And I can relate to Mary’s inability to do nothing else but hang on to his every word. She was completely present in that moment — taking it all in. Now that’s what I call giving 100% of your attention!
And that, my friends, is surely an example of good listening!
Imagine what could be learned if we truly saw the world through the eyes of others.
We’ve not walked in the shoes of those around us and there really isn’t a way for us to understand their perspective and experience without the sincere desire to want to know and to listen.
Surely good listening opens our understanding about others and enhances our capacity for empathy. And good listening would probably help us better respect our differences and find what we have in common as well.
I suspect more agreements could be accomplished more efficiently and effectively if listening was improved by both parties involved.
When understanding is lacking, ignorance becomes the breeding ground for fear, hatred and prejudices. If good listening could result in improved understanding, then surely we could all think and act more clearly, reasonably and responsibly.
There are many stories waiting to be heard. As you and I listen — really listen — to these stories, we’ll find the key to more harmonious relationships in families, in government, and among the nations of our world.
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
I suspect we all know what this idiom means. Perhaps we’ve all said this — or felt like saying it — at least once in our lives. Or maybe this exclamation has been directed toward us!
In short, the demand is to stop acting as if we are better or more intelligent than other people. The call is to become more humble, less haughty, and to lose any attitude of superiority with its overbearing manner and distasteful pride.
This phrase is directed at dismissive arrogance, which I can assure you will poison any relationship — whether the relationship is between husbands and wives, parents and children, bosses and their employees, or leaders and their constituents.
The arrogant assumes his views and opinions are “the truth.” He is more concerned about his own viewpoint being heard, accepted and obeyed than being right or doing what is right.
She demands respect from others when she needs to give respect to others.
An Arabian proverb warns, “Arrogance diminishes wisdom.” Indeed, arrogance and pride can keep us from making good decisions.
There was a general named Naaman, whose story is told in II Kings in the Bible. (II Kings 5:9-14) Naaman’s inflated arrogance and pride almost kept him from being healed of leprosy. When he went to Elisha in search of healing, Elisha sent a message to him telling him to wash seven times in the Jordan River and his skin condition would be cured.
But Naaman was disappointed that Elisha had not come to see him in person to perform an admirable show of God’s healing power. He reacted with haughtiness and disdain at Elisha’s instructions and even asked why he couldn’t wash in a different river that he thought was cleaner.
Naaman’s servants eventually persuaded him to follow Elisha’s directions, and he was cured.
I think the lesson for Naaman (and all of us) is to be willing to listen and humble our ego enough to be open-minded to a new idea — a better and more productive solution than perhaps what we first thought was best.
Have you ever asked someone for advice and then didn’t pay attention to it because it was not what you were hoping to hear?
If we really want the advice of others, then we need to be willing to listen and be attentive and open to their ideas and suggestions. We need a sincere desire to learn. And with that learning, be willing to adapt and change any preconceived notions. This attitude would keep us approachable and teachable and no doubt direct us toward wiser decisions.
Even when we are confident about a decision we’ve made today, we need to be open to making a new one tomorrow.
We live in an ever-changing world. Surely, to keep progressive pace in this world, we need to maintain a modest estimate of our own opinion and remain ready and willing to be taught, to be flexible and yes — to change our mind.
This may mean taking a different approach. This could require an admission that we’ve made a mistake. And if we’re talking about the government of a country, then it would certainly mean a willingness to compromise opinion to work together for the good of the country. There is no place for arrogance in the wise governing of a great nation.
Surely all relationships benefit when we get off our high horse and are not so certain we are right. After all, we might not be!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Self-pity is no party, my friends! Perhaps we’ve all thrown one of these at least once in our lives. Maybe we know some folks who throw one every day.
It can be easy to justify our sorrow. We feel people have done us wrong, our life is spinning out of our control, our dreams have been shattered, or we see ourselves as the victim of circumstances. So we may believe we have good reason to be down and depressed.
We need to leave this pity party, my friends, because these thought patterns are toxic and never worthwhile. They will destroy our hope for a better tomorrow and stifle us into a martyr complex that will blind us from our purpose and potential. Besides, no one has a good and happy time at a pity party!
I’ve held a few pity parties in my life. My favorite occasion for one is when I’m feeling unappreciated and misunderstood.
During a recent pity party, I came across a definition of self-pity which explained that self-pity doesn’t come from a sense of worthiness but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. And it referred to self-pity as the response of unapplauded pride and a wounded ego.
I hated to think of myself as having a wounded ego. Was my basis for feeling unappreciated and misunderstood really my hurt pride?
Admittedly, I may not be able to change the behavior and thoughts of the people around me, but I can change how I respond to them. Just the acknowledgement of this fact made me feel empowered and encouraged — no longer the helpless victim.
I couldn’t help but remember the story in the Bible about the man healed by the pool of Bethesda. (John 5:2-9) Now truly, if ever someone could have been justified in his feelings of self-pity, this guy would have been one. He had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. And for years, he had waited by this pool to be healed. The rumor was if you were the first to get in the water at a certain time, you would be cured of whatever ailment you were suffering from.
When Jesus came upon this man, he asked him, “Would you like to get well?”
Instead of a resounding “YES!” the man gave an excuse of why he couldn’t. He said, “I can’t, sir, for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.”
Of course, Jesus knew this man didn’t have to get into the pool to be healed. He knew God created him upright and healthy, and these qualities were his innate spiritual nature now and always. So Jesus told him, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!” And so he did. No more excuses, no more being a victim of circumstances, no more pity party.
When we feel the weight of the world is on our shoulders or we feel put upon or victimized, we can do something about our plight. I saw a sign that read, “Do you rise and shine or rise and whine?”
Whining, even when we feel it’s justified, will not help — will not result in healing, progress or resolution. So quite simply, it’s a waste of our time!
We can learn to stop self-pity when it attempts to creep into our thoughts. It may be normal to at first feel sad or sorry for ourselves when things go wrong. But we can immediately turn our sorrow into positive action. We can surround ourselves with things that bring joy and happiness and experience whatever makes us laugh. We can choose thankfulness as our ticket out of self-misery. If need be, we can make a list of all the good that has ever happened in our lives. We can’t feel sorrowful and grateful at the same time!
And Jesus did give us instruction on how to treat those that mistreat us when he said, “Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person…” (Matthew 5:44)
A wounded ego and unapplauded pride is not the best in me or you. We can leave behind anything and everything that is holding us back or keeping us down. And we can all rise and shine to a new day of joy, peace of mind, and infinite possibilities!
