Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
Beginning in babyhood, we watch and learn from others. What doesn’t always continue throughout our lives is how we speak about what we’re learning with one another. And yet there is much we can learn from hearing about another’s experiences and perspectives.
Truly each of us has a unique path we will call our life. And there are probably no two paths exactly alike. Still, when we share the lessons we’ve learned with another, we may be giving that person the inspiration, encouragement, hope or wisdom they need at that moment in their own life.
A couple of weeks ago, I asked some friends to share one of their “Aha!” moments with me — such as an experience that changed the way they lived their life, something they read that altered the way they believed, life-transforming insight gleaned from a mistake or perhaps something realized from witnessing another person’s experience.
This week is going to feature those who shared lessons learned in their childhood or from a child. Next week will feature parental perceptions and other lessons learned as an adult.
One friend told about the death of friend in an automobile accident. They were both twelve years old and their mothers’ only children. She wrote, “At that moment I had an “Aha!” that would change my life forever. Life became a precious gift — something fleeting. I realized that even at the tender age of twelve, I could die and so could those I love. It is a lesson that I suppose we all learn at some point — the first time we feel our own mortality. “
Another wrote, “My “Aha!” moment came when I made a phone call about making brownies for the band bake sale.” She became acquainted with a family and a student who had been diagnosed with cancer. She shared, “I watched her during her struggles with chemo, surgery, radiation and anything else that was sent her way. She had more strength and wisdom than many adults have — me included. We complain because we’ve had a bad day or we never have enough hours in the day to accomplish what we want to do or something isn’t going our way. Then I look at Chalisa. What an amazing young lady.”
One friend told about an epiphany she experienced as a teenager during Sunday School. She explained, “We were talking about the Bible Lesson for that week, questions were flying, and ideas started percolating. Then came my “Aha!” moment which became pivotal to my life. Liz started talking about everything around us representing a spiritual idea; that the very substance of all stuff was spiritual, not the matter it seemed to be constructed of. For instance, a dog represents unconditional love and boundless joy, the chair we sat on represented structure and support, as God’s children we represented every divine quality attributable to God’s good nature — honesty, intelligence, tenderness, strength, loving-kindness, etc. And the light bulb went off. Oh my gosh. Suddenly, this statement by Mary Baker Eddy who authored the book Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures had profound meaning to me: “Metaphysics resolves things into thoughts, and exchanges the objects of sense for the ideas of Soul.” Life suddenly had a new color and purpose and it became an adventure in spiritual discovery … that continues today.”
Another childhood “Aha!” came when this friend was about 10 years old. She wrote, “I was at a fair with my best friend and I was at one of those booths where you try to win a stuffed animal. I had one in mind that I wanted, and I kept putting quarters down and guessing a number that the game would land on and I kept guessing the wrong number. After the 20th time of guessing, I was ready to move on. The man suggested I let my friend guess. And of course my friend guessed the right number and she got the stuffed animal that I wanted. So “Aha!” — I learned that it doesn’t pay to gamble. I never gambled again. I learned that we can’t rely on chance for any aspect of our lives. I would much rather feel the safe, secure, presence of God’s love and guidance than let accidents, mishaps, superstition rule my day.”
I recall many “Ahas!” from my youth, such as: What goes around comes around. Lying is never a good idea. Sneak around enough and you will get caught. Mothers are not easily deceived. And also, if you want things to be different in your life, be the difference that makes the difference.
Every life lesson learned is pivotal to who we are and how we live our lives. May you have many “Aha!” moments, my friends, and may you share these precious lessons with everyone you can!
Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
For many, spring brings change, new beginnings and growth. For some, the anticipation of spring means a spring break vacation and a bout of spring fever.
One dictionary defines “spring fever” as a feeling of restlessness, excitement or laziness brought on by the coming of spring. Symptoms often include a shovel, new plants and green thumbs or a compulsive desire to fish or anything else that gets them outdoors.
In years long past, with spring came the beginning of my marriage and a couple of years later, the beginning of our family. But this year, my feelings about springtime are somewhat ambivalent.
My strong cravings for a spring break are more about a desire to escape and avoid than about fun and adventure. This is probably because some foreseeable changes in the future are not ones I’m looking forward to or want.
For awhile now, I’ve been trying to break free from the dreary forecast for our country that feels like a constant dark cloud hovering overhead.
And I’ve become determined to exchange my fearful anticipation of a difficult future for a brighter outlook. Interestingly enough, I’ve gained some fresh and encouraging inspiration by considering some of the synonyms for “anticipate.” As with most words, “anticipate” has a few variations to its meaning. The group of words that caught my attention include: “nullify, prevent, preclude, forestall, intercept, beat to the draw and get the jump on.”
The idea that it may be possible to “get the jump on” worries or fears is truly reassuring and emboldening. To “get a jump on” means we do something before it happens in order to get an advantage. For me, this means I don’t have to sit around and wait or dread. I’m not at the mercy of an uncertain future. And I’m not helpless. There is something to be done that can prevent and nullify what I’ve been expecting and thinking of as inevitable. At the very least, I can be more prepared and ready to handle whatever comes my way.
In the days of the Old West, the cowboy who beat his opponent to the draw won the fight. I want to be like this cowboy! So how can I prevent or rise above what feels like an unavoidable sea of troubles?
Worry and fear for the future always prophesies disaster. But is disaster bound to happen — inescapable, ordained or destined? Not according to the promises God gives us.
The Bible is filled with God’s promises to His children, along with countless examples of people being saved from whatever obstacle or pending doom they faced. Daniel found safety in the lion’s den, young David was victorious over the giant Goliath, Joseph saved the lives of his brothers regardless of their jealousy and betrayal and Jesus saved his disciples from a storm at sea as well as healing multitudes of the sick. And consider these promises: “The Lord will take away from thee all sickness.” (Deut. 7:15) “The Lord will not forsake his people.” (Isa. 12:22) “The Lord will give strength unto his people; the Lord will bless his people with peace.” (Psalms 29:11) “The Lord shall be thy confidence; and shall keep thy foot from being taken.” (Prov. 3:26) “The Lord is patient toward you. He does not want anyone to be destroyed.” (II Pet. 3:9)
God’s promises are giving me the divine impetus I need to resist uneasy speculations and calm my fears about the future. I’m learning to not accept any verdict that would have me believe God doesn’t love and care for His children. My faith is more confident of God’s ever-present help today and every day.
After all, tomorrow starts from today. Our prayers today surely have a transforming effect on tomorrow. Uplifted and reassured by God’s power, my dread this spring is being replaced with hope. I think it’s time to plant some flowers!
Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
We’ve probably all experienced an “Aha!” moment at some point in our personal or professional lives.
I’m talking about one of those illuminating moments when someone suddenly turns the light on and you can see clearly for the first time in a long time. It’s one of those times when whatever was puzzling you, now makes perfect sense — when confusion vanishes and understanding takes its place. It’s when you realize you’ve just discovered something that is meaningful to you. An “Aha!” moment is a turning point — a landmark juncture — when you know your life is never going to be the same.
For Newton it was an apple falling on his head. For a young Albert Einstein, inspiration struck when he was handed a compass and realized that some unseen force in space was making it move. Have you heard the story of Archimedes? He discovered the principles of water displacement and buoyancy in the bathtub. His “Aha!” sent him leaping naked from the tub and running down the street shouting, “Eureka!” — the Greek word for “I found it.”
“Aha!” moments often grow out of hours of thought and due diligence. Many times defining moments arrive unexpectedly. Regardless of when or how they come, an “Aha!” brings us clarity, inspiration, motivation, and revelation.
Sometimes it just takes one “Aha!” moment to change you forever. Perhaps something you’ve experienced completely reverses the way you view life. Or something profound you’ve heard or read enlightens your consciousness and alters a long-held perspective.
O, the Oprah Magazine has been featuring a column on “Aha!” moments. Recently, Jill Scott, singer and star of “The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency” tells about one of her “Aha!” moments. Her aunt’s untimely passing taught her a lesson about living life to the fullest.
We all have “Aha!” moments — no doubt we all need them. But once we get these insights, we need to seize them and utilize the newly discovered wisdom in order to reap the benefits they promise to provide.
Is it possible to be too busy to have time for the “Aha!” moment that has the potential to change your life?
I think so. Or at least I know that I’ve had days (or years) when my life felt consumed by trivial pursuits. In these times, I’ve often believed that I was missing something important. I’ve felt that some epiphany was just around the corner — if only I could shorten the list that was monopolizing my time, energy and thought.
But perhaps this acknowledgement is a Eureka moment in and of itself. Or for me, it is as if I can’t help but make the necessary changes in my life — changes that make self-reflection and prayer a priority.
When an “Aha!” truly captures our attention, we know in our soul what we must do — there is no going back. The “Aha!” is the realization that we already have been changed. An “Aha!” never leaves us where it found us. We will be pushed onward and forward, empowered, encouraged, strengthened and determined to use our newfound knowledge.
I have no doubt that anyone who heard Jesus preach had “Aha!” moments that transformed their lives, and they were never the same again. Multitudes were healed of their broken spirits and bodies.
Again and again following a healing, Jesus confirmed “Thy faith hath made thee whole.” (Matthew 9:22) I think when our hopes rest upon faith and expectation that God will and can help and heal us, we ready our thought for the divine “Aha!” that brings healing.
The ability to change and be healed is within our grasp. We can understand what we need to know. That new, big idea is attainable. The needed turnaround is achievable.
“Aha!” moments are not for a chosen few. God gives all His children infinite ideas, and these spiritual ideas lead us Godward until we reach the earthshaking understanding that changes our human sense of things to the divine. Then as Paul says, “In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye”…”we shall all be changed.” (I Corinthians 15:51-52)
And so we are.
Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
I admit it. I’ve been a grudge holder. But I’m not proud to say so. Holding a grudge has never proven to be a good thing in my life.
Plenty of medical studies confirm grudge holding is not good for you — increasing stress, raising blood pressure, causing ulcers and producing a multitude of other harmful side effects. I suspect we all would admit to the lousy way we feel when we’re angry with another person.
I’ve never held a grudge toward someone that I’ve not eventually regretted.
Holding onto a grudge has generally proved to be the greatest waste of my time and I suspect caused me more grief than it did the person I felt injured by. I’ve never found holding a grudge to serve any good purpose, and it often has cost me a good friend. In fact, I’ve had friendships that never fully recovered, and for that, I’m sad and sorry that I ever let anything permanently hurt my feelings toward a friend.
When I think about where and how some grudges began, I usually can’t understand why I took offense in the first place.
Nineteenth century philosopher and author, Mary Baker Eddy, has a short writing she titled, “Taking Offense” that I’ve referred to when I’ve found myself feeling irritated by someone’s words or actions. She quotes English religious writer and philanthropist, Hannah More, in the opening paragraph: “If I wished to punish my enemy, I should make him hate somebody.”
Holding on to resentment, bitterness, hard feelings or hatred is emotionally draining and physically destructive. So why do we do it?
Once upon a time my defense for a grudge came when I felt a friend stuck her nose in where it didn’t belong. I not only didn’t want her opinion — I disagreed with it. And I guess my arrogance took precedence over patience and tolerance, and I lost a good friend. Another time with another friend, deep-seated hurt feelings led to my suffering with chest pains and headaches.
Eddy says we let pride, self-will and egotism cloud our reasoning and determine our reactions. But she wisely cautioned, “Well may we feel wounded by our own faults; but we can hardly afford to be miserable for the faults of others.”
We can’t be responsible for the behavior of others, but we are responsible for how we respond back to them. Every action we take has its consequence. And as with any action, we should think more carefully about the consequences before we act.
Of course, in any relationship there are times when honest and sincere discussions of feelings are needed. My grandmother advised me before I married to never go to bed mad. I’ve not always heeded her instruction, but I have tried. No doubt she got her wisdom from the Bible, “Let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” (Ephesians 4:26) And I’ve learned that this is good wisdom for all relationships — not just with my husband.
Eddy’s message in “Taking Offense” is helpful to those who feel someone has “wronged” them. She wrote:
“We should remember that the world is wide; that there are a thousand million different human wills, opinions, ambitions, tastes, and loves; that each person has a different history, constitution, culture, character, from all the rest; that human life is the work, the play, the ceaseless action and reaction upon each other of these different atoms. Then, we should go forth into life with the smallest expectations, but with the largest patience; with a keen relish for and appreciation of everything beautiful, great, and good, but with a temper so genial that the friction of the world shall not wear upon our sensibilities; with an equanimity so settled that no passing breath nor accidental disturbance shall agitate or ruffle it; with a charity broad enough to cover the whole world’s evil, and sweet enough to neutralize what is bitter in it, — determined not to be offended when no wrong is meant, nor even when it is, unless the offense be against God.”
Some say it’s human nature to hold grudges. Perhaps so, but even still, we always have a choice.
We can choose to brood, ruminate and rehash the details of how we’ve been hurt or disappointed by someone — torturing ourselves by playing the same scene over and over in our heads. Or we can implement a simple, ancient practice — the practice of forgiveness — and dismiss painful memories and move forward with our lives and our relationships.
Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
Actually, I prefer to think of myself as a recovering over-reactor. But I admit that I do fall off the wagon from time to time. What happened a couple of days ago was a case in point.
I woke up in a state of exasperation. My week had been a busy one, filled to the brim with appointments, meetings and unfinished tasks. Never mind that I created and even desired most of the activities on my agenda. I couldn’t get past the irrational feelings of irritation and aggravation that I didn’t have enough time to do all that I thought I had to do.
So the fact that I was running late to my hair appointment and leaving my dirty house and piled laundry behind was more than I could handle. The car in front of me which I was certain was going at least 20 miles below the speed limit didn’t help matters either.
I ranted and raved most of the way to the beauty shop. Fortunately, I wasn’t alone with my inconsequential and insignificant ranting. My daughter was with me and, thankfully, soon became my needed voice of reason.
She calmly pointed out that everything I was stressing over was easily fixable and could be corrected — maybe not all that very day, mind you, but all doable nonetheless.
She emphasized that my getting all worked up was blowing everything out of proportion and was not going to help me accomplish what I needed and wanted. She was right, of course. I knew this. But the “Drama Queen” in me needed to be reminded.
I learned long ago that making a mountain out of a molehill only resulted in one thing — a big deal being made out of a minor issue. And whenever I made “mountains,” I made things more difficult than they had to be.
A couple of years ago, I recall a newspaper column titled, “Don’t sweat the small stuff when so much else matters.” It turns out that most of what makes me sweat is all very small when proper perspective takes over my sanity.
Most days I ask myself — “Will I remember a year from now what is driving me crazy today?”
Do you think I can tell you which days last year I was late for my hair appointment? Or which days my house was dirty or which days I got behind on my laundry? Of course I can’t! And why can’t I? Because these kinds of things are small stuff in comparison with the grander things that make up my life and my treasured memories.
I do try very hard not to waste time and energy getting upset over things that weigh not one iota among the things that do matter most to me. And I can promise you that the only thing that over-reacting achieves is wasted time and needless misery.
I find comfort in remembering the words of the Master, “Let not your heart be troubled” (John 14:27) and the Psalmist, “Fret not thyself.” (Psalms 37:7) These words of wisdom usually help redirect my focus and bring calm to my irrational emotions.
I remember when Jesus calmed the storm at sea saying, “Peace, be still.” (Mark 4:39) And his healing message also calms what seems like a storm brewing in my weary mind. I find my center again — no longer caught up in the minutiae of a frantic moment.
I hope my confession is helpful to you, my friends. Life can have enough drama in it at times without us adding more to it. Besides — sweating too much over the small stuff will keep you from experiencing and enjoying what is really important to you. And if you’re like me, you don’t want that!
