Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Living in an age where participation on social networking websites such as Facebook are an active part of our day, we get a glimpse of how many of us are reacting and responding to national and world events. And lately, I’ve been thinking about how quickly we seem to form an opinion.
Indeed, whenever some story hits the air waves, my Facebook friends get busy sharing their two cents worth. Don’t get me wrong here — I’m not passing judgment. I’ve certainly done the same.
But I do know better than to jump to conclusions. It’s just so easy to make that jump!
Anyone who has ever been reported on or interviewed by some news outlet would probably agree with me when I say that agenda or biased-free reporting is almost impossible to come by. Or at least that has been my experience and observation.
I have been part of a news story many times, and I don’t know of a time when some detail wasn’t misrepresented or my words weren’t misstated. Now I’m not saying inaccuracies have always had malicious intent. But there have been times when it was obvious that ill-will was the motivation.
Consequently, when I read or hear any news story online, in print or over the air waves, I’m not quick to assume that all the facts have been gathered and reported accurately. Oftentimes, omission is as blatant and purposefully done as what was wrongfully communicated. And both serve the purpose of presenting a biased perspective.
So whether talking to myself, to my husband or anyone else, I’ve found myself saying, “Remember, there’s more to this story than we know or have been told.”
This type of cautious reasoning when successfully practiced has enabled me to stay calm, kept my mind open, and made me capable and willing to learn and know the truth in the situation. Furthermore, this practice has kept my emotions under control and hopefully not let me draw premature — and therefore probably wrong — conclusions.
The entire first chapter of the epistle of James is full of wisdom and offers some constructive ideas when considered in regard to our perceptions and opinions as well as in our communications.
He writes, “But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” (James 1:4) I’ve found it important to utilize patience when gathering information on a news event or when waiting for the event to play out. In other words, predictions and fears are not always right and generally only hindsight offers the most accurate perspective. And when gathering facts and details, it’s important to utilize many sources in order to obtain the entire story.
A little further into the chapter he writes, “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.” (James 1:14) Watch out for news coverage that pulls at the heart strings and stirs the emotions. Truly we do need to be sensitive to the plight of others and increase our empathy. But I’ve also found it important to be certain that the reporting is not trying to sensationalize a story in order to distort the truth to the point of making the truth unrecognizable. Maintaining our objectivity is pretty much impossible when our emotions guide our reason.
And he writes, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:” (James 1:19) In our current times, news travels the globe at amazing speed. And I’m still awed that I can be in Texas and Google chat with a friend in Jerusalem. While this verse encourages the idea of being informed, I think it is also a warning against jumping to conclusions or letting our emotions confuse our reason and judgment — and they surely will do so.
Toward the end of the first chapter, he writes, “But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.” (James 1:25) When forming opinions and responding to news coverage, more and more I’m realizing the importance of prayer and meditation.
I can’t ponder and imagine what God sees and knows, and not perceive that anything is possible, fixable, and recoverable. I can’t ponder and imagine God’s love for all of His children, and not have compassion, acceptance and forgiveness of those I think are making wrong decisions or behaving inappropriately. And I can’t ponder and imagine God’s power and presence, and not have hope, faith and trust that everything will work out, that progress will be made, that lessons will be learned perhaps in spite of all our human failings and harmful actions.
While I will continue to spend hours of my day on Facebook and listening to and reading many news sources, I will continue to remember that there is always more to every story. And undoubtedly I will continue to learn that indeed there always is!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Do you ever feel like you and your spouse are talking past each other? It’s certainly easy to conclude that our politicians on the so-called “right” and “left” talk past each other constantly! And there are times, I suspect, when parents and children may be guilty of the same.
Since I can’t do anything to change the behavior patterns of those I speak to, I can do something about how I listen and respond. It can be difficult to begin with the “man in the mirror” as Michael Jackson put it, but I am humbly recognizing that I am the only place I can go to make a change.
It’s frustrating when one feels misunderstood. And how can we be understood when no one is listening to what we’re saying or our meaning is being misconstrued?
One thing is certain. If we continue to talk past each other, agreements will never be reached, good decisions will never be made, and harmony and happiness will continue to elude us.
I’m the first to admit the challenge of understanding beyond my frame of reference and experience. Empathy — with the attempt to put oneself in another’s shoes — is a worthy effort but not one that is easy to genuinely accomplish.
Yet something is telling me that I must make a greater effort or at least want to make an effort, if ever I hope to have someone do the same for me.
I think any change begins with a sincere desire. In fact, I believe if we have a sincere desire, anything is possible, doable and achievable.
I can see how my husband has talked past me. Usually, I’m so busy thinking he’s not listening to me or not understanding me that I’m not listening or caring about what he has to say. So I find myself as guilty as I think he is.
What a vicious cycle talking past each other can be!
One could conclude that we are a bunch of slow learners. I think Jesus came to this conclusion once. I often chuckle to myself when I read in the Gospels where the disciples couldn’t heal a child and so they brought him to Jesus for healing. And Jesus’ first comment was, “How many times do I have to go over these things?” (Mark 9:19)
So we may have to repeat ourselves from time to time. We may have to rethink our word choice or use a different emphasis on select words to get our point across. So do it. We must do whatever it takes to understand and be understood. Let’s not give up on each other!
There are lots of theories out about how repetition impacts or improves our memory, but I’m not convinced mere repetition alone is what it takes for us to accomplish better understanding. No, I think it has much more to do with our desire — our sincere desire — to listen and to understand others. This desire results in the kind of effort that leads to mutual and accurate understanding.
When we are tempted to raise our voice in an attempt to clarify our stance or walk away in dismay or disappointment, we would be wise to rethink these actions. I have found that the louder I speak, the more defensive or close-minded the person I’m directing my remarks to becomes.
And I have been guilty of walking away when feeling misunderstood. In fact, it’s my most frequent response. But I’m finally admitting the futileness of such action. Of course there are times, when I’m feeling angry for example, that walking away and cooling off before giving a response may be a wise move.
I feel certain, though, that if I really want to be understood better, I need to make sure I’m doing my best to understand. Communication, like any other aspect of our lives, is best served when we have the Golden Rule as our guide. This means listening and speaking to others in the way we long for them to listen and speak to us.
I must say that when I was in Italy, I was impressed by the conversations I witnessed between Italian men and women. I was awed by the full attention they seem to give each other. It was as if nothing else was going on around them but what was being said to one another. Something told me that giving my full attention is a skill to be improved upon.
So I’m going on record here, my friends. My desire — my prayer — is that I will endeavor to better listen to and understand my husband’s feelings, needs and viewpoints. And my desire is to do the same with my daughter and other family members, friends and strangers, too.
And hopefully, talking past each other will become a thing of the past!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Do you ever feel like your life is nothing but an uphill journey? I’ve found that when I make such a complaint it’s because I’m more focused on the climb — particularly each step I’m striving to make — rather than the broadening view surrounding me as I go up.
I had never stood on a mountaintop before my trip to Italy — much less stood on any snow-covered mountain. So when my friend suggested we take a gondola ride to the top of Italian alp, Monte Baldo, I said yes with some trepidation.
Now I realize that I took the easy and fast way up. Most mountains don’t have a way to comfortably ride to their top. So I suspect mountain climbing usually involves a slow walk and a steady pace with perhaps times where crawling is even appropriate. And undoubtedly, there would be many needs to take a break and rest along the way.
I can’t help but think if I had walked my way to the top of this mountain, I might have been more prepared for how I felt when I got there.
“Breathtaking” is a good word, and it wasn’t a physiological reaction to the high altitude. We trudged through the snow to Baldo’s scenic point. I wanted to look down at times to make sure my feet were following the path, but it was almost impossible to not constantly look up and outward to the infinite horizon encompassing me.
I had to pause many times — not for rest — but to take in a deep breath of appreciation for the beauty and observe the new vista I had come upon.
I had no idea there would be countless numbers of other mountaintops that would be capturing my gaze — I suspect only visible by air or on top of a neighboring mountaintop. I was surprised by the many hillside villages tucked discreetly away in between mountains. And I thought, “I never would have known they were there.”
The butterflies and anxiety I felt before boarding the gondola left almost immediately as I stepped foot on the mountain. With every step, I gained an air of calm, confidence, composure, equanimity and self-assurance that I’ve never felt before.
I didn’t need to ski or ride the snow mobile, although these would have been fun to learn and experience. It was enough — at least that day — to just be there.
I was so glad our mountaintop day was at the beginning of my Italy experience. It helped me realize what I had accomplished by making the journey. And it set the tone for the rest of my trip — dare I say, for the rest of my life.
One might think that an invitation to stay in a little Italian villa on the hillside of Lake Garda would not cause any hesitation or apprehension. But for me, it was one of the most difficult decisions of my life!
Somehow, after almost thirty years of marriage and a life devoted to the care of my husband and only child, I was feeling unsure about my purpose for the rest of my life. And I seemed to lack any independence needed to act on my own or the ability to even think about what was best for me, myself and I — as they say.
So, to go on a trip to another country — something I had never done before — without my husband, was no small feat for me. All the days leading up to my decision felt like a steep uphill climb to be sure!
I decided to go as suddenly as the invitation came, without any reason other than the feeling that it was something that I had to do.
Standing on top of Monte Baldo brought to mind a Bible scripture: “And they rose up early in the morning, and gat them up into the top of the mountain, saying, Lo we be here, and will go up unto the place which the Lord hath promised.” (Numbers 14:40)
Being on that mountaintop assured me that the Lord promises purpose for our lives throughout our lives. Our purpose doesn’t reach a conclusion or diminish with age. Sometimes our journey to achieve our purpose is smooth, sometimes rugged. But it is an ascent that is doable and obtainable. And we can be certain we’ll have the angels of His presence with us every step of the way.
Yes, my friends, our life journey is always uphill. We want it to be! We need it to be! As we go up, we can be guaranteed of a better and fuller point of view. And we definitely want to reach that ultimate vantage point that the top of the mountain provides.
So give me that mountaintop view! It’s worth every step required to get there!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Balance has long been among my greatest desires. I’ve tried to imagine what balance in my life could look like. I’ve talked about it, and I’ve written about it. But I don’t believe I had ever experienced balance until I went to Italy.
With every bite of my Italian cuisine, I discovered the meaning of balance — that perfect blending of flavors. Yes, Italian chefs have most definitely mastered balance!
Eating in Italy illustrated balance to me in a fresh way. In fact, Italians use only fresh ingredients — nothing frozen or from a can or jar. I learned how much richer the flavor is when using fresh vegetables, herbs and whole cheeses. I’ll never eat pasta again — in my house — unless I make it from scratch! And I learned in my Italian cooking class just how easy pasta is to make!
In a recipe, each ingredient is equally important to reach the desired flavor. Each ingredient by itself is meaningful, and you can’t imagine your recipe without it. And in Italian dishes, no one ingredient overpowers another. There is never too much sauce!
I always know it’s a dish I will love when I love every ingredient — even when I’ve never mixed the ingredients together before. And of course, it is also fun to try an ingredient you’ve never had before and discover a new love.
So what does all of this have to do with achieving balance in my life?
My new appreciation of how Italian chefs achieve balance in their cooking has me evaluating the “how” of all aspects of my life.
Have I become stuck in some old routines to the point of not finding satisfaction or joy in what I’m doing? Have I become more concerned at how quickly I can accomplish something rather than regarding the quality of the end result? And are there things that make up my day that I genuinely don’t like? And are there things that I long to include and I’ve not been able to for whatever reason? Is there any one thing that is demanding all of my time to the exclusion of another that is important to me?
If you’re like me and can answer “yes” to these questions, then perhaps it’s time to make some changes and do some things differently. I have a feeling this may be easier to do than I realize. In fact, it could be as easy as the Nike slogan, “Just do it!”
Remember all those ingredients in a recipe that you would never leave out because they are needed to achieve the finished product?
I’m thinking about the activities that are most important to me and to my day and realizing the importance of never leaving them out. Why would I ever do this? It isn’t difficult to understand why my days could feel off-balance if they are missing something that I feel is essential to my happiness, peace-of-mind, or well-being.
I think we must be honest with ourselves, my friends. This necessitates us truly getting our priorities in the right order.
For me, just like trying that new ingredient in a recipe, this also includes the strong desire to experience things I’ve never done before or going to places I’ve never been to. In fact, I hunger for whatever is new and different!
So now, I’m even giving another look at all things in my life that have become routine and exploring how I can make the old, mundane or boring, fresh and new and interesting.
And I am focusing on what’s most important to me and making those things my top priority each day — instead of maybe fitting them in, maybe not. No more worrying and fretting about balancing all the other stuff that I finally realized just doesn’t matter that much. The result is a happiness and satisfaction I’ve never felt before!
Who would have ever imagined that a trip to Italy and the enjoyment of its fabulous food could have impacted my entire life in such a way? Not I!
But for the first time in my life, I can sincerely say that balance is not only possible, it can be accomplished and achieved to the utmost perfection — just like the Bolognese meat sauce I relished in Bologna or the Farfalli with veal sauce I savored in Verona!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
The day had finally arrived. I could hardly believe it. There I was — excitedly sitting on an airplane soon to be heading to Italy. And I was equally excited that one of the movies I was going to watch in-flight was “Up in the Air.” It was one of those movies I wanted to see but didn’t when it was in movie theaters. But perhaps it was more appropriate to see a movie with such a title when one was indeed up in the air!
I’ve been pondering some of the thought-provoking lines from the movie such as when George Clooney is giving his “What’s in your back-pack?” workshops. He explains how “we weigh ourselves down” in many needless ways and asks the question, “How much does your life weigh?”
I had been feeling weighed down with many worries and responsibilities before heading to Italy. And I must admit that while sitting on that airplane, I was already feeling lighter.
I had to come to the conclusion before I left that the same Father-Mother God who was going to take care of me on this trip was going to be taking good care of all my loved ones at home. I had to realize that they each had a direct link to God and didn’t require me to be their negotiator or mediator. And I had to relinquish my self-proclaimed ownership of various responsibilities and any opinion that I was the only one who could take charge of them.
My travel companions had advised me to check only one piece of luggage. This was to make for an easier walk from the parking lot to our place of lodging in Italy. I soon understood why one suitcase was important. The walk from our car was a long one — and very steep and downhill on uneven cobblestones! I’m still amazed at how my luggage wheels survived.
It was an incredible feat for me to check one suitcase, however. I had never done this before, and it required a lot of downsizing of hair products and precise packing of clothes and shoes. I guess anything is indeed possible when one really wants or needs to do that something!
This brings me to another surprising accomplishment. I bought both my daughter and myself an Italian-made purse. The only problem with this lovely gift is that it again required some major downsizing by us both. However, in making the purse switch, we were equally amazed to realize how much we often carry around that isn’t necessary. And again, I was impressed to learn what can be done when we really want to do it.
Who wouldn’t want to lighten their load and lead a calmer life? Such was the bigger question that loomed over me as I traveled to Italy.
Reportedly, overpacking is the biggest travel mistake as well as the biggest life mistake we all make at times. Our life need not be backbreaking. Carrying around unnecessary burdens, fears and worries — especially those that belong to others — throws us off balance. But the main point for me was realizing how much is really unnecessary, pointless, serves no good purpose, and accomplishes nothing good for anyone. So why do we do it?
I’ve found it helpful to remember the Bible Scripture, “…the battle is not yours, but God’s” (II Chronicles 20:15) when I try to assert my personal responsibility for making life work just so for me and anyone else.
My goal — another lesson learned from my trip to Italy — is to lighten my load for the rest of my life. I can already feel myself shifting from overwhelmed to efficient and have experienced more productive peace-filled days. And remarkably enough, I’m seeing that others can take care of their own lives just fine with God at their helm instead of me.
So my friends, clean out, disencumber, unburden, unload, reduce your backpack, your purse , your wallet — your life — of everything that isn’t yours or necessary. You’ll be surprised at how much less you can get by with. And your life will feel weightless!
