Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Are you a good listener?
I’ve always been told that good communication begins with good listening. And I’ve often wondered how many misunderstandings and conflicts could have been avoided by better listening.
Undoubtedly, there’s a story behind every headline and every picture — a tale and a testimony on every street corner and in every home. And there’s a story behind every story. We each have a narrative that is part of humanity’s novel.
Are we sharing our anecdotes and are we listening to others share theirs?
We need to share our lessons, our successes and our failures. And we need to share our dreams and hopes as well as our fears and worries. We’re not walking this journey called life alone. We find this out as we talk with our fellow travelers.
Of course, first we need to want to listen to our fellow travelers tell their stories. Then we need to learn how to listen — which I think is rather different from mere hearing.
We can hear that our neighbor is talking to us, but does he have our full attention? Do we sincerely “lend an ear” and listen carefully to what is being shared with us? Do we genuinely want to understand his perspective and experience?
Or do we have assumptions about what our neighbor’s point of view is before he ever shares it? While our neighbor speaks, are we giving our watch an occasional glance or thinking about what else we need to do that day? Are we constantly tempted to chime in and add our two cents worth?
If you can plead guilty to any of these questions — like me — then I suggest our listening skills may need a good overhaul.
In thinking about a Biblical example of good listening, the first to come to mind was Mary. This Mary was sister to Martha who invited Jesus into her home to speak to those who came to hear him. While Martha was very busy attending to preparations for her guests, the Bible says Mary “sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word.” (Luke 10:38-42)
Martha even complained to Jesus that her sister was doing nothing but sitting there listening to him speak.
I can only imagine what it might have been like to listen to Jesus. And I can relate to Mary’s inability to do nothing else but hang on to his every word. She was completely present in that moment — taking it all in. Now that’s what I call giving 100% of your attention!
And that, my friends, is surely an example of good listening!
Imagine what could be learned if we truly saw the world through the eyes of others.
We’ve not walked in the shoes of those around us and there really isn’t a way for us to understand their perspective and experience without the sincere desire to want to know and to listen.
Surely good listening opens our understanding about others and enhances our capacity for empathy. And good listening would probably help us better respect our differences and find what we have in common as well.
I suspect more agreements could be accomplished more efficiently and effectively if listening was improved by both parties involved.
When understanding is lacking, ignorance becomes the breeding ground for fear, hatred and prejudices. If good listening could result in improved understanding, then surely we could all think and act more clearly, reasonably and responsibly.
There are many stories waiting to be heard. As you and I listen — really listen — to these stories, we’ll find the key to more harmonious relationships in families, in government, and among the nations of our world.
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
I suspect we all know what this idiom means. Perhaps we’ve all said this — or felt like saying it — at least once in our lives. Or maybe this exclamation has been directed toward us!
In short, the demand is to stop acting as if we are better or more intelligent than other people. The call is to become more humble, less haughty, and to lose any attitude of superiority with its overbearing manner and distasteful pride.
This phrase is directed at dismissive arrogance, which I can assure you will poison any relationship — whether the relationship is between husbands and wives, parents and children, bosses and their employees, or leaders and their constituents.
The arrogant assumes his views and opinions are “the truth.” He is more concerned about his own viewpoint being heard, accepted and obeyed than being right or doing what is right.
She demands respect from others when she needs to give respect to others.
An Arabian proverb warns, “Arrogance diminishes wisdom.” Indeed, arrogance and pride can keep us from making good decisions.
There was a general named Naaman, whose story is told in II Kings in the Bible. (II Kings 5:9-14) Naaman’s inflated arrogance and pride almost kept him from being healed of leprosy. When he went to Elisha in search of healing, Elisha sent a message to him telling him to wash seven times in the Jordan River and his skin condition would be cured.
But Naaman was disappointed that Elisha had not come to see him in person to perform an admirable show of God’s healing power. He reacted with haughtiness and disdain at Elisha’s instructions and even asked why he couldn’t wash in a different river that he thought was cleaner.
Naaman’s servants eventually persuaded him to follow Elisha’s directions, and he was cured.
I think the lesson for Naaman (and all of us) is to be willing to listen and humble our ego enough to be open-minded to a new idea — a better and more productive solution than perhaps what we first thought was best.
Have you ever asked someone for advice and then didn’t pay attention to it because it was not what you were hoping to hear?
If we really want the advice of others, then we need to be willing to listen and be attentive and open to their ideas and suggestions. We need a sincere desire to learn. And with that learning, be willing to adapt and change any preconceived notions. This attitude would keep us approachable and teachable and no doubt direct us toward wiser decisions.
Even when we are confident about a decision we’ve made today, we need to be open to making a new one tomorrow.
We live in an ever-changing world. Surely, to keep progressive pace in this world, we need to maintain a modest estimate of our own opinion and remain ready and willing to be taught, to be flexible and yes — to change our mind.
This may mean taking a different approach. This could require an admission that we’ve made a mistake. And if we’re talking about the government of a country, then it would certainly mean a willingness to compromise opinion to work together for the good of the country. There is no place for arrogance in the wise governing of a great nation.
Surely all relationships benefit when we get off our high horse and are not so certain we are right. After all, we might not be!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Self-pity is no party, my friends! Perhaps we’ve all thrown one of these at least once in our lives. Maybe we know some folks who throw one every day.
It can be easy to justify our sorrow. We feel people have done us wrong, our life is spinning out of our control, our dreams have been shattered, or we see ourselves as the victim of circumstances. So we may believe we have good reason to be down and depressed.
We need to leave this pity party, my friends, because these thought patterns are toxic and never worthwhile. They will destroy our hope for a better tomorrow and stifle us into a martyr complex that will blind us from our purpose and potential. Besides, no one has a good and happy time at a pity party!
I’ve held a few pity parties in my life. My favorite occasion for one is when I’m feeling unappreciated and misunderstood.
During a recent pity party, I came across a definition of self-pity which explained that self-pity doesn’t come from a sense of worthiness but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. And it referred to self-pity as the response of unapplauded pride and a wounded ego.
I hated to think of myself as having a wounded ego. Was my basis for feeling unappreciated and misunderstood really my hurt pride?
Admittedly, I may not be able to change the behavior and thoughts of the people around me, but I can change how I respond to them. Just the acknowledgement of this fact made me feel empowered and encouraged — no longer the helpless victim.
I couldn’t help but remember the story in the Bible about the man healed by the pool of Bethesda. (John 5:2-9) Now truly, if ever someone could have been justified in his feelings of self-pity, this guy would have been one. He had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. And for years, he had waited by this pool to be healed. The rumor was if you were the first to get in the water at a certain time, you would be cured of whatever ailment you were suffering from.
When Jesus came upon this man, he asked him, “Would you like to get well?”
Instead of a resounding “YES!” the man gave an excuse of why he couldn’t. He said, “I can’t, sir, for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.”
Of course, Jesus knew this man didn’t have to get into the pool to be healed. He knew God created him upright and healthy, and these qualities were his innate spiritual nature now and always. So Jesus told him, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!” And so he did. No more excuses, no more being a victim of circumstances, no more pity party.
When we feel the weight of the world is on our shoulders or we feel put upon or victimized, we can do something about our plight. I saw a sign that read, “Do you rise and shine or rise and whine?”
Whining, even when we feel it’s justified, will not help — will not result in healing, progress or resolution. So quite simply, it’s a waste of our time!
We can learn to stop self-pity when it attempts to creep into our thoughts. It may be normal to at first feel sad or sorry for ourselves when things go wrong. But we can immediately turn our sorrow into positive action. We can surround ourselves with things that bring joy and happiness and experience whatever makes us laugh. We can choose thankfulness as our ticket out of self-misery. If need be, we can make a list of all the good that has ever happened in our lives. We can’t feel sorrowful and grateful at the same time!
And Jesus did give us instruction on how to treat those that mistreat us when he said, “Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person…” (Matthew 5:44)
A wounded ego and unapplauded pride is not the best in me or you. We can leave behind anything and everything that is holding us back or keeping us down. And we can all rise and shine to a new day of joy, peace of mind, and infinite possibilities!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
If you’re like me, to stop procrastinating is easier said than done. I was born in Georgia, after all, so Scarlett’s words, “Tomorrow is another day,” run deep in my blood. My mother never threatened, “No dessert until you eat your veggies,” so I’ve had to work hard to come up with incentives to do whatever it is that I’m avoiding.
Procrastination has its roots in Latin, meaning “in favor of tomorrow.” The fact is, most of the time, it’s not really a matter of me wanting to wait until tomorrow — or next week or next year — to do whatever it is. Usually when I put something off, I regret that I did.
In college, I was one of those students who pulled “all-nighters” to write my papers. Sometimes — miraculously — they turned out pretty good. But then there were other times when I’m sure I could have done a better job if I had not been so rushed. In either case, I never enjoyed the stress and pressure I put myself under.
It’s been many years since my college days, and I still seem to be repeating the same old pattern of putting off. Indeed, I can come up with some elaborate reasons about how “now just isn’t a good time.”
I think there are many reasons why I put off until tomorrow what I could do today. Who doesn’t want to avoid unpleasant tasks? Or perhaps some things just feel too difficult? Sometimes I admit I put off long enough to make it impossible to do a good job. Then I have my handy excuse for failure since I just didn’t have enough time.
The two things I avoid most of all are laundry and doing our income tax. I know they need to be done. I know I have to do them. But surely tomorrow will be a better day!
There are many more things, however, that I hate putting off. And yet, still I do.
I will put off calling old friends when I mean to. Then it ends up never happening. Sadly, days, months, years pass until friendships become only memories.
There are other things I wish I would stop putting off, such as exercising, going for a walk, reading a new book, having lunch with a friend and finishing a project — to name a few. And there are always trips that are waiting to be taken — one of these days — or the diet to begin. However, I have recently begun my diet!
The truth is I often spend more time feeling bad about avoiding a task or project than it would have taken to complete it. And I am getting tired of promising myself that I won’t wait until the last minute next time.
I guess one reason this topic has come to my mind so strongly this week is because I have a new friend I’ve not gotten to know as well as I would like yet. And now this friend may be moving away soon. I’m realizing how lost opportunities come about when we don’t live more in the moment and make the most of each moment. Tomorrow isn’t always a possibility.
I have an old friend who moved away a few years ago. We’ve seen each other on occasion since. But for years we’ve talked about going on a trip together — just us girls. Needless to say, that hasn’t happened.
Well, my friends, that is about to change! I’m putting a stop to putting it off! Sometime in March you’ll undoubtedly be reading about my trip to Italy with my friend. I’m also going to start actually doing the things on my to-do lists. I’m breaking larger tasks into smaller ones, and I’m setting deadlines for myself, accompanied by a reward for getting each one done.
So my message to you today is the same message I’m saying to myself: Stop putting off! No more regrets! There is no better time than the present to be with our friends and family. And why add needless stress to our lives by putting “everything” off until tomorrow? Today is a good day, too!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
“Where is your faith?” Jesus once asked. (Luke 8:25) He proclaimed that faith as a grain of mustard seed was powerful. (Matthew 17:20) Many times he told people who had been healed, “Thy faith made thee whole.” (Matthew 9:22, Mark 10:52) Faith definitely carried a lot of weight with Jesus!
Perhaps this is why he reprimanded his doubting disciple Thomas and said, “Because you have seen me you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen me and yet believe.” (John 20:29)
How many times when making a resolution, taking an action or when thinking about something you’re striving or hoping for, are you apprehensive, doubtful, leery, skeptical, unbelieving, wary or uptight about the desired results?
I found it compelling that this list of adjectives was among synonyms for those “without faith” in light of another saying of Jesus: “…according to your faith be it unto you.” (Matthew 9:29)
Could it be that our tentative and timid faith becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy?
This reminds me of when Moses led the Children of Israel through the wilderness for forty years in search of the Promised Land. I can’t help but wonder that perhaps they would have reached their desired destination quicker if they had not lost their faith so many times.
So what is it about faith that is so very powerful?
If our list of adjectives above gives us an indication of what it means to live without faith, perhaps we need to better understand what having faith entails.
The innocence of youth is often equated with blind belief, as if blind belief was somehow defining the meaning of faith. Hardly, my friends!
It seems to me that there’s nothing blind about the faith of children. Yes, children trust without question. They believe with conviction. Their confidence is unwavering. And their expectancy is definite. There is nothing provisional or hesitant about the faith of a child.
Children have faith because they know in their hearts what is true. Their faith rests entirely upon the certainty of their knowledge. So, of course, children are confident. Of course, they have no fear. Of course, they have no reason to doubt.
Oh to have child-like faith! Now that’s what I call having faith!
I’ve had times in my life when my faith was shaky. And it’s been in those times when I learned that my answer was found in “an absolute faith that all things are possible to God, — a spiritual understanding of Him, an unselfed love,” as Mary Baker Eddy writes.
Understanding God as Love, good and all is pretty powerful when you consider what these spiritual facts must then mean for you and your life as a child of God.
God’s love for His children surely means He is “a very present help in trouble.” (Psalms 46:1) God’s goodness must certainly mean He only wants good for His children. And the allness of God undoubtedly leaves no room for “evil” to have a permanent place or be a destructive force in our lives.
I’ve been learning that as I assert my God-given dominion and freedom, my faith brings deliverance and blessings and leads to divine heights.
Your knowledge of God and His promises can transform your world. What’s faith got to do with it? Jesus would say everything!
