Nov 17, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
It seems to me that most folks see what they want to see, hear what they want to hear and read into what they read according to their biases and prejudices.
“I am, in plainer words, a bundle of prejudices — made up of likings and dislikings…” wrote the 19th century essayist, Charles Lamb. We are part of a world, country — or even a neighborhood — with people from many different educational and social backgrounds, cultures, traditions, experiences and spiritual teachings. So of course what inspires me, what amuses me or what makes me cry will be different from what inspires, amuses and makes you cry.
For that matter, even in the same family, I suspect most would agree that we all have varying preferences and tastes in such things as movies, music, books and food. We all have individual opinions on political, social and spiritual matters and our own unique convictions on what is most important.
It’s fascinating to me how two people can read the same statement and interpret its meaning very differently. Or that two people can hear the same lecture and it speak to each in a different way. But should we be surprised when this happens? Or should we be angered that a neighbor or a brother has a completely different stance and viewpoint on an issue — an issue equally important to both of us?
About thirty years ago, I was very active in a political and social movement. I marched in rallies and participated in debates and various public presentations. Name-calling and emotions were high. I was certain that what I believed in and was verbally fighting for was right and good for my country. And I was appalled and angered by anyone who thought differently from me. I could not even begin to understand their sentiments, and frankly I didn’t want to. So I definitely never tried.
It seems my country is again at odds on some very important issues — issues that impact all of us and are undoubtedly equally important to those verbally fighting on both sides of the issues. But who is right and who is wrong?
Through the years, I’ve learned that on many topics, only history can determine what was right or wrong. In the meantime, it’s only our biased opinions making a premature judgment. Or in the words of David Brinkley (CNN 1995): “A biased opinion is one you don’t agree with.”
Yet in America, it is important that we let our voices be heard! We are supposed to be a government of the people, for the people and by the people. It seems what we need to remember is that we are never going to all agree on everything. And this fact is okay. The issue we feel very strongly about may fail — as mine did thirty years ago.
But I am realizing today, that it is not a good thing that I didn’t and still don’t understand those who believed differently than me on an issue that I felt so strongly about — and still do I might add. And I must admit that there have been many other times in my experience when I was confused, angered or disappointed by differing positions and feelings. And I will tell you that in most of these instances, I made no attempt to fully understand why others felt the way they did.
It occurs to me now that if we hope to be understood, we must first understand others.
Irish playwright, George Bernard Shaw, made a poignant point when he said, “The single, biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
Some define communication as an attempt to create shared understanding, which includes a variety of skills such as processing, listening, observing, speaking, questioning, analyzing and evaluating. When any skill is lacking, it is difficult to conclude that communication has taken place.
Perhaps the skill we most often lack is proficiency in listening. I know I could be a better listener! And I’m convinced that an understanding of others is never reached without sincere listening — listening that truly seeks and endeavors to understand an opposing point of view. This type of listening will result in understanding that at the very least can respect and appreciate a difference of opinion.
Then even when we don’t all see eye to eye, we can have an honest debate on an important issue and maybe — just maybe — make wiser decisions.
Nov 17, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
Perhaps sometimes temptation gets a bad wrap. Certainly it’s wise to keep our wits about us so not to fall prey to seduction and allurements that would lead us down troublesome paths. But are there times when we’re tempted to act and don’t when perhaps we should have?
I asked my daughter if she has ever had such a moment and she said just this past week she was tempted to speak up in a college class and didn’t. Then she said the professor proceeded to answer his question in exactly the way she would have if she had acted upon her temptation.
I recall a time when I was tempted to introduce myself to a new neighbor but didn’t do so for months. When I finally did, we became great friends and I wished I had acted upon my temptation earlier.
In the same like I remember when I got my first apartment. I found the one that fit perfectly into my budget, but something didn’t feel right, and I was tempted to not sign the contract and keep looking. But because I was in a hurry and was afraid I might not find another in my budget, I moved into this apartment and soon afterward could not wait to move out.
There have been jobs that I took even though I was tempted not to — and it turned out I shouldn’t have. And there have been invitations that I was tempted to turn down, but didn’t — and should have. However, I’m not consumed with regrets, my friends, because hopefully I’ve learned to make wiser choices along the way.
In fact, in all of these instances, better decisions probably would have been made if only instinct had been trusted. Whether we call it a hunch, a vibe or a feeling in our bones, we all have an innate spiritual intuition that would point us in the right direction if only heeded.
So what is it that keeps us from listening to our better instincts and following those good temptations that would help us make better decisions, help us figure out when or what to trust, help us to do things that are right for us and others, and help us live our lives to the fullest?
Some might say a lack of confidence, self-doubt, insecurity, shyness, desperation and so on. Everything on our list would undoubtedly be rooted in fear — fear of rejection, of being wrong, of being embarrassed, of being humiliated, of making a mistake, or of not being successful or good enough. But listening to our instincts stops fear from clouding our reason.
Many of us like to weigh the pros and cons of everything. But my husband often says, “Study long, study wrong.” And I admit I’ve often been good at talking myself out of things. Indeed, there are studies popping up that support the idea of trusting our instincts.
One study I came across, reportedly published in the Journal of Consumer Research, concluded that people who deliberate about decisions reach less accurate conclusions than people who trust their instincts. And another study that was conducted by the University College London also found that people are more likely to perform well, if they do not think too hard and instead trust their instincts.
I love the story in the Bible that illustrates to me how Elijah learned to listen to his spiritual intuition. Elijah was very distraught and unsure what he would do next. He was standing on a mountain hoping for God to give him guidance. The Bible speaks of a strong wind, earthquake and fire that came, but God wasn’t in any of those. Then there was a “still small voice.” (I Kings 19:11-12)
That still, small voice is indicative of our God-given spiritual intuition. Our fears may seem like a strong wind, earthquake or fire, and these fears tend to confuse our better judgment. But nothing can silence God’s voice to us. We will hear His guidance as we learn to trust our instincts — our inner voice that will direct us to what is good.
You and I are intuitive thinkers. God made us this way. I have no doubt that you’ll find your instincts are correct whether they are telling you yes or no — to do or not to do. So trust them! And be sure to act upon those good temptations that will assure your life is satisfying and fulfilling.
Nov 17, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
Do you have days you don’t look forward to? Or do you have days you dread with every fiber of your being? Today is one of those days for me. Actually, the entire week ahead consists of days I don’t want to face.
My husband left for a week-long fishing trip. In fact, in our twenty-eight-year-old marriage, this was his first commercial airline flight without me. Actually, we’ve spent relatively few days apart since the day we met.
Although I can handle my fear of being alone and of being separated from him fairly well, I still don’t like it. And I certainly don’t relish time apart from him.
Recently, I heard someone quote a favorite Bible passage in a way that has me thinking about my days ahead in a fresh light. It was the way he accented the very first word, with a big lift in his voice, which grabbed my attention.
He said, “This is the day the Lord hath made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalms 118:24)
This is the day? Today — the day I’ve been dreading for weeks? How could that be? How could today — of all days — be a day to be happy about?
I concede that every day is ordered by the Lord. And if the Lord — who is good, who is Love — made each day, then every day must surely have something good about it. I reluctantly reasoned this must also include today, even though when this morning arrived, I thought it was going to be anything but a good one.
And yet when I think of each day as a day the Lord has created for His beloved children, I realize that this day and every day must have purpose, potential and promise.
I know it’s probably normal to be sad when I’m separated from the man I dearly love. But I really don’t want to spend my next few days doing nothing but counting down the days until he returns.
I came across a compelling quote that was attributed to Muhammad Ali: “Don’t count the days, make the days count.” And that is exactly what I would like to do this week. I want to make the most of every hour of each day. So I’ve set a variety of goals that I hope to accomplish. In fact, I’m getting excited about reaching each goal!
I love that Paul tells us, “Now is the day….” And I love the line in The Lord’s Prayer that says, “Give us this day our daily bread.” This day — today — the Lord is going to give us everything we need to survive. That’s comforting! And I can’t help but recall a favorite quote by Mary Baker Eddy that my step-dad recited to me every morning when he drove me to school: “To those leaning on the sustaining infinite, today is big with blessings.”
There seems to be great import placed upon valuing each day. When we look forward only to what some future date potentially has to offer, we are probably missing all the possibilities that today is bringing to us. We may even lose or miss out on a great opportunity.
The Children of Israel learned to trust that day by day manna would be supplied to them. And they were instructed to pick up only the manna they needed for each day. They didn’t need to worry about gathering and saving bread for tomorrow because tomorrow there would be new bread for them to eat.
Do you find it hard to trust that the Lord will give you whatever you need each day? Oh but you can!
No doubt every day will make its demands of us — some more than others. But we have God’s promise of daily bread. I believe we can lean on our Father-Mother God when we’re down and depressed, when we’re struggling and worried, or when we’re uncertain and anxious, and He will feed us with exactly what we need. I’ve experienced God’s good grace in the past, and my faith assures me that I can trust and count on it to help me this week.
So I’m not going to fret about a whole week apart from my hubby. I’m going to focus on one day at a time and watch God reveal His days to me one by one.
Have a fabulous day, my friends, and may you make each and every day the best it can be. God will help you!
Nov 17, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
There seems to be one in every crowd — the naysayer, the voice of doom, the predictor of bad tidings. Debbie Downer or Gloomy Gus is always the pessimist who sees the downside of everything — the glass that is always half empty. And she or he generally shares a depressed view of the world with everyone they meet.
Perhaps among the disciples of Jesus, the unbelieving Thomas would come under the same or at least a similar category. Skeptics seem to have little or no faith in what they haven’t seen or experienced. Their dark perspective would have us all believe the possible is impossible unless they are proven wrong. And even when proven wrong, they consider it a fluke, a stroke of good luck, a chance occurrence, an accident.
Of course, Thomas did eventually believe, and his faith was reassured. But his doubting brought a lesson from Jesus. Jesus said, “Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.” (John 20:29)
Perhaps a lack of faith or not enough faith is the culprit that leads to pessimism.
I’m no “Little Mary Sunshine,” but I just can’t subscribe to Debbie Downer’s view on life. I have firsthand experience in how a simple change in my outlook and attitude changes my experience for better or for worse. And who wouldn’t want to do whatever it takes to have a better, happier, more satisfying life?
One problem I see with Debbie and Gus is that they are too opinionated. In fact, they are so consumed by their own opinions that their minds are completely closed to divine direction, inspiration and intervention — even when they say they have faith in God.
Remember the parable of the drowning man. It has a variety of versions, but one story says a man’s house is being immersed by a flood. Before the road is covered, someone in a jeep drives by and offers the man a ride. But the man refuses, saying he has faith that God will save him. As the waters continue to rise, another comes by in a boat and offers the man a ride. But again, the man refuses, saying he has faith that God will save him. Finally, while the man is standing on his rooftop, a helicopter arrives and the pilot offers the man a ride to safety. And yet again, the man refuses, expressing his faith in God. In heaven, the man asks God why He didn’t save him. And the Lord explains, “I sent you a jeep, a boat and a helicopter.”
If this man had truly had faith in God, he would not have tried to interfere with, outline or limit how God’s purpose works out. He would have known that there are infinite resources and possibilities — that nothing is impossible or beyond reach. He would have accepted the jeep ride — without question, judgment or fear!
I’ve found having faith in God is easier when I begin with acknowledging that God is Love and good. I believe God’s plan for us is always good, and I’d rather trust in His wisdom than uncertain opinion or fearful odds.
Don’t let a Debbie Downer or Gloomy Gus diminish your hope or overshadow your confidence. Interrupt their pouting with some cheer, and perhaps you can give them some encouragement that brightens their spirits.
But what if you’ve been like the drowning man and refused the jeep and boat ride. Would you sit there, like I suspect Debbie or Gus would, on your rooftop with your head down on your knees — dismayed and depressed — condemning yourself for your mistakes, your lack of wisdom, your arrogance?
Since I’m quite certain that position will not save you, my friends, here’s a more certain plan of action. It’s not too late. Keep your chin up, your hope high, your view expectant. There will be a helicopter. Be ready to take it!
Nov 17, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
I’ve always been told you can’t go back. Things can never be exactly the way they were. This is because the nature of life is always moving forward — is always changing. Nothing stays the same.
But what if I understand that things today are different from things yesterday? What if I know going back would be a very different experience? And what if I realize that I am a different person today than I was twenty years ago? Why can’t I go back and begin again?
Today I visited the church I attended as a child. I’ve attended there occasionally through the years, but it’s been over thirty years since I was a member. Yet I have to say that every time I go back and walk those familiar pathways and enter familiar rooms, I feel like I’m home.
I find myself asking, “Why couldn’t I go back to this church?” And I can’t help but feel that I could. I know my experiences today would be very different from my youth, but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t be equally meaningful.
A couple of days ago I was at a party and became reacquainted with an old friend. She was the mother of one of my daughter’s kindergarten classmates. We used to spend hours and hours together eating breakfast, talking, laughing and shopping. After her daughter was killed in a horrible accident a few short years later, we lost touch with each other. I’ve missed our friendship, and I’ve harbored much regret and guilt for not trying harder to stay friends. I’ve longed to tell her this and finally seized the opportunity at this party.
I can’t help but wonder what it will be like for us to rekindle our friendship. I know it will be different and perhaps not easy. But surely it would be better to renew our friendship than to just leave it to the past.
And do I really need a good reason to go back to school? I’ve often said my college days are some of my fondest memories. And I know that college would be a different experience today than it was thirty years ago.
The desire to go back doesn’t mean I expect or want things to be the same. But there is comfort in going back to what is familiar.
Again and again, I go back to the same restaurants, to the same hair and nail salon and even the same vacation spots. It feels very natural to go back to what I know best, to what has been consistent and good, to what has gained my confidence, to what has always brought me happiness. Going back to that which I trust can’t be a wrong thing.
Jesus often spoke of his ministry as seeking and saving that which was lost. (Luke 19:10) He told a parable about a man who had a hundred sheep. He questioned that if this man lost one of his sheep, wouldn’t he leave his ninety-nine sheep to go find the one that was missing? (Luke 15:4) Of course he would! Wouldn’t you?
So if the purpose to go back is to find and restore lost hope, peace, confidence, joy or to find and reestablish a dear friendship, surely this is a good and right thing to do.
If someone is telling you not to go back — that you can’t — go back, examine your motive. When the desire to return is to regain, recover and resurrect, you can’t be wrong.
