Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Can anyone remember life before flip flops? I suspect not, since flip flops are at least six thousand years old! I certainly can’t remember a time in my childhood when I didn’t own a pair.
Actually, in the United States, the flip flop caught on during the postwar 1950’s boom — which explains why I’ve always worn them, since I was born in the 1950s. Becoming part of “pop culture,” flip flops became a defining example of an informal lifestyle and came to represent the surf culture in particular. Being a want-to-be beach bum at heart, this is probably one of the reasons why I love to wear them.
What I find especially interesting is that the flip flop has been part of a general overall change in fashion during the past 20 years. Some people call this change the “casual fashion movement.”
In the United States, the flip flop market is estimated at $2 billion retail. It is presumed that most flip flop purchases are made by those between the ages of 5 and 50, which is roughly a consumer population of 200 million. Since I don’t fall within this consumer demographic, I’m here to testify that the flip flop consumer population is at least 200 million and one.
I have a confession, my friends.
I am a flip-flop-oholic. That’s right. I am addicted to flip flops. In fact, I sincerely can’t get enough of them. Just last weekend, I bought three more pairs to add to the more than two dozen on my shoe shelves — or maybe there are more than three dozen on my shelves. I haven’t counted lately. But I really don’t care how many I have. And I have no doubt I will be buying more in the coming weeks, since summertime is upon us!
Lately, I’ve been asking myself why I crave flip flops. Besides the cool and sassy styles, snappy and elegant bling, funky and fancy patterns, and pure, delightful comfort, I think it’s the lifestyle they represent that really whets my appetite.
I’ve reached a time in my life when I want to take life a bit slower and easier. I especially want to take most matters less seriously. And informality is something I want in pretty much every area of my life — church, work, travel, meals or other day-to-day activities.
Now don’t get me wrong. I do think “casual” can be taken too far. I still believe there is a right time and place for formality and tradition. I’m not advocating laziness and apathy. Nor am I throwing self-respect aside.
If you could see my closet, you would know I am very fashion conscious and enjoy dressing in the current trends. Living in Texas, where it’s very hot in the summer, I find it’s a pleasure to not wear hose and to have a variety of flip flop styles appropriate for any occasion — to the pool or to a wedding. Even within the casual fashion movement, there is still protocol and etiquette on what to wear and when. Yet, whatever the occasion, there’s something “footloose and fancy-free” about wearing flip flops to it. And I love anything that helps me maintain a carefree and relaxed attitude.
I wish I had learned how to lighten up when I was a young mother. I think I wasted much time and energy fretting and stressing over inconsequential things. I believe both my daughter and I would have been happier without so many rigid schedules to be adhered to. In fact, if I could do young motherhood again, I would opt for more spontaneity and impromptu decisions. And if things didn’t turn out according to my plans, I would be more adaptable and flexible.
My graduate school daughter is undoubtedly happy to have a more casual and lighthearted mom these days. And my advice to her is to not get so consumed by schedules and demands that she forgets to have fun and enjoy what she is doing. Jobs can be accomplished and done well while still maintaining a sunny and easygoing attitude.
So I plan to continue experiencing my simple joy of flip flops — probably much to my husband’s dismay. It’s all part of my plan to enjoy life as simply as possible. Life doesn’t have to be complicated. And I don’t think it is when you relish the simple joys of life — whatever that means to you!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
I wonder if any of us can honestly say we have never told a lie. I certainly can’t! Some say that lying is an unavoidable part of human nature, but does this make telling a lie acceptable, excusable and always forgivable?
My first lessons about lying and truth-telling came in childhood with the folktale of George Washington and the cherry tree, along with his famous declaration “I cannot tell a lie.” Then there was the story of Pinocchio with his nose growing with each lie he told. As a young child, I can still remember carefully examining my nose in the mirror after I spoke an “untruth” or in some cases, when there were truths I didn’t admit.
Much has been written on the subject of lying, and there are many viewpoints on the ethics and impact of lying. Some believe that lying is always wrong. And yet these same folks often add — unless there is a good reason for it. This addendum seems to concede that lying is not always wrong!
There are various types of lies, or so they say, as well as a variety of motives for telling them. But one simple definition for a lie is “a false statement deliberately presented as being true meant to deceive or give a wrong impression.”
Of course, there may be times when lying is useful, practical and even necessary. This could be when someone is under serious threat from an enemy.
I suspect “white lies” are the ones that most of us would own up to. Who hasn’t told a friend we loved her new haircut, when we really thought it looked hideous? Or who hasn’t told their mom that her gift was just what they always wanted, when they didn’t mean it?
In these instances whether a lie was told or the truth was omitted, the purpose was to protect someone’s feelings. But sometimes people tell “fibs” to get out of trouble or get what they want.
There have been times when I wanted to avoid an argument and thought it better to leave out a few details. And there have been many more times when I actually hid my shopping bags from my husband to conceal the truth out of a desire to avoid confrontation or a belabored explanation.
So I wasn’t surprised when I read that another reason people tell lies is to protect themselves or to avoid punishment. Other motivations for lying include trying to look good socially and gain politically. So I guess I shouldn’t be so shocked to hear a politician trying to downplay a lie he told as “misplaced words.”
Other words for a “lie” include telling a whopper, a falsity or falsehood, a fabrication or a misrepresentation. And when someone lies under oath, we call it perjury.
Regardless of the preferred word choice, I suspect all lies are not without consequence. And some can result in bad and even deadly consequences. Consider the implications behind Adolf Hitler’s famous words about lying: “Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it.”
If we all agree that there are times when lying isn’t so bad, I think we must also agree that lying can be harmful.
One of the destructive effects is that lying diminishes trust. And lying can make informed decisions difficult. In fact, lying can result in a decision that would not have otherwise been made.
This may be why some philosophers say lying is bad because language is essential to societies and therefore carries the obligation to use it truthfully. Some warn that lying can become a generally accepted practice and that it can become hard for people to trust each other or to trust the institutions of society.
And some warn that lying can cause social cohesion to be weakened and conclude that society collapses when no one is able to believe anyone else.
I don’t know about you, my friends, but I am one of those wary members of society who doesn’t assume everything I hear or read is truthful. But lately, I’m taking a hard look at myself and scrutinizing the times when I’m tempted to hide or alter the truth. Why am I ever inclined to hide my purchases from my husband, for example? Have I allowed lying to become an accepted practice in my own life?
Perhaps it’s time we listen to the Psalmist who wrote, “Let the lying lips be put to silence” (Psalms 31:18) and consider how our relationships, schools, businesses and society at large can be improved and benefitted by speaking and publishing the truth. At least I am beginning to ask myself, “Why lie?”
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Who doesn’t long for a good day, a good time and a good life? Have you ever considered that a good outcome may be more obtainable than you think?
My life has been filled with unexpected “good” outcomes. However, lately I’m finding it difficult to venture forth toward some daring goals, fearing the uncertain success of these goals. A recent photograph has given me reason to reexamine my approach.
A Facebook friend posted a photograph inviting everyone to give it a look. At first glance, it was a forest setting with a close-up of a bush. I assumed I was supposed to be seeing something not so obvious. And sure enough, the more I studied it, there appeared to be a snake hiding under the bush.
My friend suggested we click on the photograph to enlarge it for a more thorough examination.
To my surprise and delight, the enlarged photograph made it easy to see an adorable rabbit peering out from under the bush — not a snake.
It turns out that my friend had been encouraged to take the photograph of this rabbit by a group of children who were playing several feet away. These children had no trouble seeing this adorable rabbit even at the distance they were from him. My friend looked in the direction he was directed and couldn’t see anything until he put his camera in full zoom and scanned the setting for several minutes.
The interesting thing for me was that after knowing this photograph was of an adorable little rabbit, every time I saw the smaller image, I had no trouble whatsoever seeing the rabbit. I don’t know how I ever thought I saw a snake!
I’m reminded of a psychology class I took in college. The book had a photograph with the question under it — What do you see? About half the students in my class answered they saw an old lady, and the other half were certain the photograph was of a young woman. I was in the first group.
After it was pointed out that the photograph was of a young woman, I could see her — no longer seeing the old lady.
Somehow, I think these photographs hint at how our perceptions — and perhaps our assumptions and expectations as well — impact what we see and experience. I can’t help but think that perhaps our attitudes and perceptions can also impact and change an outcome and change it for the better.
Perhaps, too, there is a lesson to be learned from the children who saw the rabbit. While my friend could at first see nothing and I at first saw a snake, all of the children had no difficulty seeing the rabbit.
Even though my childhood had more than its fair share of sadness and difficult times, I have no memory of being afraid that my days were going to be bad ones. On the contrary, my memory of childhood days was that they were carefree, worry-free and hope-filled. And I believed with absolute certainty that anything was possible!
Yes, I think children generally look at their lives through rose-colored glasses — or as the French would say, “La Vie en rose” — literally translated as “Life in pink.”
So maybe the notion of self-fulfilling prophecy is true when it comes to reaching for goals. Perhaps whether our goals are accomplished or not has everything to do with what type of glasses we are wearing while we endeavor to reach them — rose-colored ones being the most ideal.
Wearing rose-colored glasses while going for our dreams enables us to envision the up-side and bright-side of our journey. And I would venture to say that a brighter and lighter view would make for a more pleasant ride, too. But I also think that maintaining a more positive outlook would help us keep expectations lofty, attitudes sunny, assumptions favorable and perceptions promising.
How could we not therefore accomplish that which we hope for?
I think if my friend and I had been wearing rose-colored glasses when we first looked at the rabbit, we would have seen him and most definitely would not have mistaken him for a snake!
I think I’ll get some of those rose-colored glasses and look for the good and what’s possible every day — including what’s possible with my daring goals! At the very least, I’ll see and experience “pinks” instead of the “blues.”
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Living in an age where participation on social networking websites such as Facebook are an active part of our day, we get a glimpse of how many of us are reacting and responding to national and world events. And lately, I’ve been thinking about how quickly we seem to form an opinion.
Indeed, whenever some story hits the air waves, my Facebook friends get busy sharing their two cents worth. Don’t get me wrong here — I’m not passing judgment. I’ve certainly done the same.
But I do know better than to jump to conclusions. It’s just so easy to make that jump!
Anyone who has ever been reported on or interviewed by some news outlet would probably agree with me when I say that agenda or biased-free reporting is almost impossible to come by. Or at least that has been my experience and observation.
I have been part of a news story many times, and I don’t know of a time when some detail wasn’t misrepresented or my words weren’t misstated. Now I’m not saying inaccuracies have always had malicious intent. But there have been times when it was obvious that ill-will was the motivation.
Consequently, when I read or hear any news story online, in print or over the air waves, I’m not quick to assume that all the facts have been gathered and reported accurately. Oftentimes, omission is as blatant and purposefully done as what was wrongfully communicated. And both serve the purpose of presenting a biased perspective.
So whether talking to myself, to my husband or anyone else, I’ve found myself saying, “Remember, there’s more to this story than we know or have been told.”
This type of cautious reasoning when successfully practiced has enabled me to stay calm, kept my mind open, and made me capable and willing to learn and know the truth in the situation. Furthermore, this practice has kept my emotions under control and hopefully not let me draw premature — and therefore probably wrong — conclusions.
The entire first chapter of the epistle of James is full of wisdom and offers some constructive ideas when considered in regard to our perceptions and opinions as well as in our communications.
He writes, “But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” (James 1:4) I’ve found it important to utilize patience when gathering information on a news event or when waiting for the event to play out. In other words, predictions and fears are not always right and generally only hindsight offers the most accurate perspective. And when gathering facts and details, it’s important to utilize many sources in order to obtain the entire story.
A little further into the chapter he writes, “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.” (James 1:14) Watch out for news coverage that pulls at the heart strings and stirs the emotions. Truly we do need to be sensitive to the plight of others and increase our empathy. But I’ve also found it important to be certain that the reporting is not trying to sensationalize a story in order to distort the truth to the point of making the truth unrecognizable. Maintaining our objectivity is pretty much impossible when our emotions guide our reason.
And he writes, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:” (James 1:19) In our current times, news travels the globe at amazing speed. And I’m still awed that I can be in Texas and Google chat with a friend in Jerusalem. While this verse encourages the idea of being informed, I think it is also a warning against jumping to conclusions or letting our emotions confuse our reason and judgment — and they surely will do so.
Toward the end of the first chapter, he writes, “But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.” (James 1:25) When forming opinions and responding to news coverage, more and more I’m realizing the importance of prayer and meditation.
I can’t ponder and imagine what God sees and knows, and not perceive that anything is possible, fixable, and recoverable. I can’t ponder and imagine God’s love for all of His children, and not have compassion, acceptance and forgiveness of those I think are making wrong decisions or behaving inappropriately. And I can’t ponder and imagine God’s power and presence, and not have hope, faith and trust that everything will work out, that progress will be made, that lessons will be learned perhaps in spite of all our human failings and harmful actions.
While I will continue to spend hours of my day on Facebook and listening to and reading many news sources, I will continue to remember that there is always more to every story. And undoubtedly I will continue to learn that indeed there always is!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Do you ever feel like you and your spouse are talking past each other? It’s certainly easy to conclude that our politicians on the so-called “right” and “left” talk past each other constantly! And there are times, I suspect, when parents and children may be guilty of the same.
Since I can’t do anything to change the behavior patterns of those I speak to, I can do something about how I listen and respond. It can be difficult to begin with the “man in the mirror” as Michael Jackson put it, but I am humbly recognizing that I am the only place I can go to make a change.
It’s frustrating when one feels misunderstood. And how can we be understood when no one is listening to what we’re saying or our meaning is being misconstrued?
One thing is certain. If we continue to talk past each other, agreements will never be reached, good decisions will never be made, and harmony and happiness will continue to elude us.
I’m the first to admit the challenge of understanding beyond my frame of reference and experience. Empathy — with the attempt to put oneself in another’s shoes — is a worthy effort but not one that is easy to genuinely accomplish.
Yet something is telling me that I must make a greater effort or at least want to make an effort, if ever I hope to have someone do the same for me.
I think any change begins with a sincere desire. In fact, I believe if we have a sincere desire, anything is possible, doable and achievable.
I can see how my husband has talked past me. Usually, I’m so busy thinking he’s not listening to me or not understanding me that I’m not listening or caring about what he has to say. So I find myself as guilty as I think he is.
What a vicious cycle talking past each other can be!
One could conclude that we are a bunch of slow learners. I think Jesus came to this conclusion once. I often chuckle to myself when I read in the Gospels where the disciples couldn’t heal a child and so they brought him to Jesus for healing. And Jesus’ first comment was, “How many times do I have to go over these things?” (Mark 9:19)
So we may have to repeat ourselves from time to time. We may have to rethink our word choice or use a different emphasis on select words to get our point across. So do it. We must do whatever it takes to understand and be understood. Let’s not give up on each other!
There are lots of theories out about how repetition impacts or improves our memory, but I’m not convinced mere repetition alone is what it takes for us to accomplish better understanding. No, I think it has much more to do with our desire — our sincere desire — to listen and to understand others. This desire results in the kind of effort that leads to mutual and accurate understanding.
When we are tempted to raise our voice in an attempt to clarify our stance or walk away in dismay or disappointment, we would be wise to rethink these actions. I have found that the louder I speak, the more defensive or close-minded the person I’m directing my remarks to becomes.
And I have been guilty of walking away when feeling misunderstood. In fact, it’s my most frequent response. But I’m finally admitting the futileness of such action. Of course there are times, when I’m feeling angry for example, that walking away and cooling off before giving a response may be a wise move.
I feel certain, though, that if I really want to be understood better, I need to make sure I’m doing my best to understand. Communication, like any other aspect of our lives, is best served when we have the Golden Rule as our guide. This means listening and speaking to others in the way we long for them to listen and speak to us.
I must say that when I was in Italy, I was impressed by the conversations I witnessed between Italian men and women. I was awed by the full attention they seem to give each other. It was as if nothing else was going on around them but what was being said to one another. Something told me that giving my full attention is a skill to be improved upon.
So I’m going on record here, my friends. My desire — my prayer — is that I will endeavor to better listen to and understand my husband’s feelings, needs and viewpoints. And my desire is to do the same with my daughter and other family members, friends and strangers, too.
And hopefully, talking past each other will become a thing of the past!
