Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Do you ever feel like your life is nothing but an uphill journey? I’ve found that when I make such a complaint it’s because I’m more focused on the climb — particularly each step I’m striving to make — rather than the broadening view surrounding me as I go up.
I had never stood on a mountaintop before my trip to Italy — much less stood on any snow-covered mountain. So when my friend suggested we take a gondola ride to the top of Italian alp, Monte Baldo, I said yes with some trepidation.
Now I realize that I took the easy and fast way up. Most mountains don’t have a way to comfortably ride to their top. So I suspect mountain climbing usually involves a slow walk and a steady pace with perhaps times where crawling is even appropriate. And undoubtedly, there would be many needs to take a break and rest along the way.
I can’t help but think if I had walked my way to the top of this mountain, I might have been more prepared for how I felt when I got there.
“Breathtaking” is a good word, and it wasn’t a physiological reaction to the high altitude. We trudged through the snow to Baldo’s scenic point. I wanted to look down at times to make sure my feet were following the path, but it was almost impossible to not constantly look up and outward to the infinite horizon encompassing me.
I had to pause many times — not for rest — but to take in a deep breath of appreciation for the beauty and observe the new vista I had come upon.
I had no idea there would be countless numbers of other mountaintops that would be capturing my gaze — I suspect only visible by air or on top of a neighboring mountaintop. I was surprised by the many hillside villages tucked discreetly away in between mountains. And I thought, “I never would have known they were there.”
The butterflies and anxiety I felt before boarding the gondola left almost immediately as I stepped foot on the mountain. With every step, I gained an air of calm, confidence, composure, equanimity and self-assurance that I’ve never felt before.
I didn’t need to ski or ride the snow mobile, although these would have been fun to learn and experience. It was enough — at least that day — to just be there.
I was so glad our mountaintop day was at the beginning of my Italy experience. It helped me realize what I had accomplished by making the journey. And it set the tone for the rest of my trip — dare I say, for the rest of my life.
One might think that an invitation to stay in a little Italian villa on the hillside of Lake Garda would not cause any hesitation or apprehension. But for me, it was one of the most difficult decisions of my life!
Somehow, after almost thirty years of marriage and a life devoted to the care of my husband and only child, I was feeling unsure about my purpose for the rest of my life. And I seemed to lack any independence needed to act on my own or the ability to even think about what was best for me, myself and I — as they say.
So, to go on a trip to another country — something I had never done before — without my husband, was no small feat for me. All the days leading up to my decision felt like a steep uphill climb to be sure!
I decided to go as suddenly as the invitation came, without any reason other than the feeling that it was something that I had to do.
Standing on top of Monte Baldo brought to mind a Bible scripture: “And they rose up early in the morning, and gat them up into the top of the mountain, saying, Lo we be here, and will go up unto the place which the Lord hath promised.” (Numbers 14:40)
Being on that mountaintop assured me that the Lord promises purpose for our lives throughout our lives. Our purpose doesn’t reach a conclusion or diminish with age. Sometimes our journey to achieve our purpose is smooth, sometimes rugged. But it is an ascent that is doable and obtainable. And we can be certain we’ll have the angels of His presence with us every step of the way.
Yes, my friends, our life journey is always uphill. We want it to be! We need it to be! As we go up, we can be guaranteed of a better and fuller point of view. And we definitely want to reach that ultimate vantage point that the top of the mountain provides.
So give me that mountaintop view! It’s worth every step required to get there!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Balance has long been among my greatest desires. I’ve tried to imagine what balance in my life could look like. I’ve talked about it, and I’ve written about it. But I don’t believe I had ever experienced balance until I went to Italy.
With every bite of my Italian cuisine, I discovered the meaning of balance — that perfect blending of flavors. Yes, Italian chefs have most definitely mastered balance!
Eating in Italy illustrated balance to me in a fresh way. In fact, Italians use only fresh ingredients — nothing frozen or from a can or jar. I learned how much richer the flavor is when using fresh vegetables, herbs and whole cheeses. I’ll never eat pasta again — in my house — unless I make it from scratch! And I learned in my Italian cooking class just how easy pasta is to make!
In a recipe, each ingredient is equally important to reach the desired flavor. Each ingredient by itself is meaningful, and you can’t imagine your recipe without it. And in Italian dishes, no one ingredient overpowers another. There is never too much sauce!
I always know it’s a dish I will love when I love every ingredient — even when I’ve never mixed the ingredients together before. And of course, it is also fun to try an ingredient you’ve never had before and discover a new love.
So what does all of this have to do with achieving balance in my life?
My new appreciation of how Italian chefs achieve balance in their cooking has me evaluating the “how” of all aspects of my life.
Have I become stuck in some old routines to the point of not finding satisfaction or joy in what I’m doing? Have I become more concerned at how quickly I can accomplish something rather than regarding the quality of the end result? And are there things that make up my day that I genuinely don’t like? And are there things that I long to include and I’ve not been able to for whatever reason? Is there any one thing that is demanding all of my time to the exclusion of another that is important to me?
If you’re like me and can answer “yes” to these questions, then perhaps it’s time to make some changes and do some things differently. I have a feeling this may be easier to do than I realize. In fact, it could be as easy as the Nike slogan, “Just do it!”
Remember all those ingredients in a recipe that you would never leave out because they are needed to achieve the finished product?
I’m thinking about the activities that are most important to me and to my day and realizing the importance of never leaving them out. Why would I ever do this? It isn’t difficult to understand why my days could feel off-balance if they are missing something that I feel is essential to my happiness, peace-of-mind, or well-being.
I think we must be honest with ourselves, my friends. This necessitates us truly getting our priorities in the right order.
For me, just like trying that new ingredient in a recipe, this also includes the strong desire to experience things I’ve never done before or going to places I’ve never been to. In fact, I hunger for whatever is new and different!
So now, I’m even giving another look at all things in my life that have become routine and exploring how I can make the old, mundane or boring, fresh and new and interesting.
And I am focusing on what’s most important to me and making those things my top priority each day — instead of maybe fitting them in, maybe not. No more worrying and fretting about balancing all the other stuff that I finally realized just doesn’t matter that much. The result is a happiness and satisfaction I’ve never felt before!
Who would have ever imagined that a trip to Italy and the enjoyment of its fabulous food could have impacted my entire life in such a way? Not I!
But for the first time in my life, I can sincerely say that balance is not only possible, it can be accomplished and achieved to the utmost perfection — just like the Bolognese meat sauce I relished in Bologna or the Farfalli with veal sauce I savored in Verona!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
The day had finally arrived. I could hardly believe it. There I was — excitedly sitting on an airplane soon to be heading to Italy. And I was equally excited that one of the movies I was going to watch in-flight was “Up in the Air.” It was one of those movies I wanted to see but didn’t when it was in movie theaters. But perhaps it was more appropriate to see a movie with such a title when one was indeed up in the air!
I’ve been pondering some of the thought-provoking lines from the movie such as when George Clooney is giving his “What’s in your back-pack?” workshops. He explains how “we weigh ourselves down” in many needless ways and asks the question, “How much does your life weigh?”
I had been feeling weighed down with many worries and responsibilities before heading to Italy. And I must admit that while sitting on that airplane, I was already feeling lighter.
I had to come to the conclusion before I left that the same Father-Mother God who was going to take care of me on this trip was going to be taking good care of all my loved ones at home. I had to realize that they each had a direct link to God and didn’t require me to be their negotiator or mediator. And I had to relinquish my self-proclaimed ownership of various responsibilities and any opinion that I was the only one who could take charge of them.
My travel companions had advised me to check only one piece of luggage. This was to make for an easier walk from the parking lot to our place of lodging in Italy. I soon understood why one suitcase was important. The walk from our car was a long one — and very steep and downhill on uneven cobblestones! I’m still amazed at how my luggage wheels survived.
It was an incredible feat for me to check one suitcase, however. I had never done this before, and it required a lot of downsizing of hair products and precise packing of clothes and shoes. I guess anything is indeed possible when one really wants or needs to do that something!
This brings me to another surprising accomplishment. I bought both my daughter and myself an Italian-made purse. The only problem with this lovely gift is that it again required some major downsizing by us both. However, in making the purse switch, we were equally amazed to realize how much we often carry around that isn’t necessary. And again, I was impressed to learn what can be done when we really want to do it.
Who wouldn’t want to lighten their load and lead a calmer life? Such was the bigger question that loomed over me as I traveled to Italy.
Reportedly, overpacking is the biggest travel mistake as well as the biggest life mistake we all make at times. Our life need not be backbreaking. Carrying around unnecessary burdens, fears and worries — especially those that belong to others — throws us off balance. But the main point for me was realizing how much is really unnecessary, pointless, serves no good purpose, and accomplishes nothing good for anyone. So why do we do it?
I’ve found it helpful to remember the Bible Scripture, “…the battle is not yours, but God’s” (II Chronicles 20:15) when I try to assert my personal responsibility for making life work just so for me and anyone else.
My goal — another lesson learned from my trip to Italy — is to lighten my load for the rest of my life. I can already feel myself shifting from overwhelmed to efficient and have experienced more productive peace-filled days. And remarkably enough, I’m seeing that others can take care of their own lives just fine with God at their helm instead of me.
So my friends, clean out, disencumber, unburden, unload, reduce your backpack, your purse , your wallet — your life — of everything that isn’t yours or necessary. You’ll be surprised at how much less you can get by with. And your life will feel weightless!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Are you a good listener?
I’ve always been told that good communication begins with good listening. And I’ve often wondered how many misunderstandings and conflicts could have been avoided by better listening.
Undoubtedly, there’s a story behind every headline and every picture — a tale and a testimony on every street corner and in every home. And there’s a story behind every story. We each have a narrative that is part of humanity’s novel.
Are we sharing our anecdotes and are we listening to others share theirs?
We need to share our lessons, our successes and our failures. And we need to share our dreams and hopes as well as our fears and worries. We’re not walking this journey called life alone. We find this out as we talk with our fellow travelers.
Of course, first we need to want to listen to our fellow travelers tell their stories. Then we need to learn how to listen — which I think is rather different from mere hearing.
We can hear that our neighbor is talking to us, but does he have our full attention? Do we sincerely “lend an ear” and listen carefully to what is being shared with us? Do we genuinely want to understand his perspective and experience?
Or do we have assumptions about what our neighbor’s point of view is before he ever shares it? While our neighbor speaks, are we giving our watch an occasional glance or thinking about what else we need to do that day? Are we constantly tempted to chime in and add our two cents worth?
If you can plead guilty to any of these questions — like me — then I suggest our listening skills may need a good overhaul.
In thinking about a Biblical example of good listening, the first to come to mind was Mary. This Mary was sister to Martha who invited Jesus into her home to speak to those who came to hear him. While Martha was very busy attending to preparations for her guests, the Bible says Mary “sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word.” (Luke 10:38-42)
Martha even complained to Jesus that her sister was doing nothing but sitting there listening to him speak.
I can only imagine what it might have been like to listen to Jesus. And I can relate to Mary’s inability to do nothing else but hang on to his every word. She was completely present in that moment — taking it all in. Now that’s what I call giving 100% of your attention!
And that, my friends, is surely an example of good listening!
Imagine what could be learned if we truly saw the world through the eyes of others.
We’ve not walked in the shoes of those around us and there really isn’t a way for us to understand their perspective and experience without the sincere desire to want to know and to listen.
Surely good listening opens our understanding about others and enhances our capacity for empathy. And good listening would probably help us better respect our differences and find what we have in common as well.
I suspect more agreements could be accomplished more efficiently and effectively if listening was improved by both parties involved.
When understanding is lacking, ignorance becomes the breeding ground for fear, hatred and prejudices. If good listening could result in improved understanding, then surely we could all think and act more clearly, reasonably and responsibly.
There are many stories waiting to be heard. As you and I listen — really listen — to these stories, we’ll find the key to more harmonious relationships in families, in government, and among the nations of our world.
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
I suspect we all know what this idiom means. Perhaps we’ve all said this — or felt like saying it — at least once in our lives. Or maybe this exclamation has been directed toward us!
In short, the demand is to stop acting as if we are better or more intelligent than other people. The call is to become more humble, less haughty, and to lose any attitude of superiority with its overbearing manner and distasteful pride.
This phrase is directed at dismissive arrogance, which I can assure you will poison any relationship — whether the relationship is between husbands and wives, parents and children, bosses and their employees, or leaders and their constituents.
The arrogant assumes his views and opinions are “the truth.” He is more concerned about his own viewpoint being heard, accepted and obeyed than being right or doing what is right.
She demands respect from others when she needs to give respect to others.
An Arabian proverb warns, “Arrogance diminishes wisdom.” Indeed, arrogance and pride can keep us from making good decisions.
There was a general named Naaman, whose story is told in II Kings in the Bible. (II Kings 5:9-14) Naaman’s inflated arrogance and pride almost kept him from being healed of leprosy. When he went to Elisha in search of healing, Elisha sent a message to him telling him to wash seven times in the Jordan River and his skin condition would be cured.
But Naaman was disappointed that Elisha had not come to see him in person to perform an admirable show of God’s healing power. He reacted with haughtiness and disdain at Elisha’s instructions and even asked why he couldn’t wash in a different river that he thought was cleaner.
Naaman’s servants eventually persuaded him to follow Elisha’s directions, and he was cured.
I think the lesson for Naaman (and all of us) is to be willing to listen and humble our ego enough to be open-minded to a new idea — a better and more productive solution than perhaps what we first thought was best.
Have you ever asked someone for advice and then didn’t pay attention to it because it was not what you were hoping to hear?
If we really want the advice of others, then we need to be willing to listen and be attentive and open to their ideas and suggestions. We need a sincere desire to learn. And with that learning, be willing to adapt and change any preconceived notions. This attitude would keep us approachable and teachable and no doubt direct us toward wiser decisions.
Even when we are confident about a decision we’ve made today, we need to be open to making a new one tomorrow.
We live in an ever-changing world. Surely, to keep progressive pace in this world, we need to maintain a modest estimate of our own opinion and remain ready and willing to be taught, to be flexible and yes — to change our mind.
This may mean taking a different approach. This could require an admission that we’ve made a mistake. And if we’re talking about the government of a country, then it would certainly mean a willingness to compromise opinion to work together for the good of the country. There is no place for arrogance in the wise governing of a great nation.
Surely all relationships benefit when we get off our high horse and are not so certain we are right. After all, we might not be!
