Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
There have been many times in my life when I’ve allowed shyness to hold me back. There were the boys in school that I longed to be friends with, but I would never dare make eye contact with them. There was the part in the school play I would have loved to have auditioned for, but I didn’t. There were the questions the teacher asked I could have answered, but I never raised my hand.
It doesn’t matter how you define it, shyness is rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, humiliation, loss or failure incites shyness — or perhaps I could say — insecurity.
It’s no different than when we allow ourselves to become introverted, sheepish, timid and guarded after a relationship ends badly or unexpectedly. If it was a bad experience, we may be questioning our judgment and doubting our ability to make a better choice in the future. If death ended a relationship, we may be afraid we will face loss and grief again. Either way, the result is probably the same — shyness that results in being cowardly, wary and alone.
The problem with being shy is that the impact is far-reaching. We are not the only one who loses or is hurt.
Not long ago I read an article about a basketball coach who explained how hesitation and timidity leads to passing the ball. He said, “If a player has an open shot that she can make, and she decides to pass instead, that player is being selfish and hurting the team.” Fear of failure sheltered this basketball player from her likely success, the coach further explained, and could have cost her team the game win.
Indeed, other people need you. They need your intelligence, insight, skills, talents and help. Hiding behind shyness, you limit the benefit you can be to others.
Shyness almost always leads to assumptions and assumptions are almost always wrong. This is especially true when we believe that the other person will not like us or will not be interested in what we have to say. Our fear will intimidate us into missing an opportunity to make a new friend. The fact is other people may have the same fears and inhibitions we do.
I’ve often been inspired by the story of Ruth in the Bible. Ruth was described as a warmhearted and unselfish woman who trusted and loved her mother-in-law very much. After Ruth’s husband passed away suddenly, Ruth traveled with her mother-in-law back to her homeland.
This was a more gracious act by Ruth than it might sound. Her mother-in-law, Naomi, was not only a widow, but all of her sons had died as well. She would have been traveling alone to her homeland if Ruth had not returned with her. Plus, Ruth had to be courageous to go to an unfamiliar land and be around people she had never met before — especially during a time when she was facing her own grief and uncertainty as a young widow.
I love the fact that Ruth was willing to embrace a new experience. She didn’t over-think or speculate about her future. She didn’t wallow in her doubts. And even though she had no certainty of what would happen next in her life, she moved forward.
Ruth and Naomi arrived at their destination. Among strangers in a strange land, Ruth could have been apprehensive, anxious, nervous and cautious, but she wasn’t. She boldly took initiative to gather food in nearby fields. She even, without hesitation, asked one of the women gleaning grain near her for the name of the man who spoke kindly as he went by. It turns out the man, Boaz, was the owner of the field.
And I bet you can guess the happy ending to this story. Ruth and Boaz soon married and Ruth’s mother-in-law lived with them and helped care for the son they eventually had. Their son, by the way, would become the grandfather to the famous King David.
Sometimes a shy person will say self-consciousness keeps them quiet. But I would say — what self are you being conscious of?
You are the man and woman of God’s creating — made in His image. Your innate nature includes the qualities of poise, confidence, strength, courage, compassion, love. Be true to yourself, my friends. Happiness is found in being who God made you to be.
You can do it. Your thinking is your most powerful weapon. Use it. Follow your heart. Don’t hide your light and love. Be the spiritual self that God intended. Don’t be shy. Be yourself — freely, unconditionally and fearlessly. You’ll be much happier if you do.
Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
A middle-aged, unassuming and unglamorous woman walks out on the stage and sings before judges, a large audience and millions on television. It’s a talent contest — Britain’s Got Talent — to be specific. And the reaction is surprise and shock when she displays an extraordinary voice.
Since her appearance on the show, her performance has been viewed by more than 100 million on YouTube — making her a global, Internet sensation. In fact, her video is expected to soon become the most viewed YouTube clip of all time. I admit that when I watched her on YouTube, I was captivated, astounded and brought to tears.
But why did I — along with many others — have this reaction?
Did I really believe that only those with beautiful faces and bodies could have beautiful voices? Why shouldn’t it be just as natural for a woman in her late forties to pursue her dream than it is for someone in their twenties?
I think my emotions were aroused as I witnessed the transformation of the audience’s response to this woman. Her name is Susan Boyle, by the way. And she sang “I dreamed a dream” from Les Miserables.
When she first walked out on the stage, the camera showed a skeptical and scornful audience. Even the judges were rolling their eyes and raising their eyebrows as they questioned why she was bothering to audition. And they were amused when she expressed her hopes to become a professional singer like British musical theater star, Elaine Paige.
She didn’t react to the teasing with hurt feelings or embarrassment but countered with wit and humor.
It seemed likely that Susan was very familiar with low expectations of her, making it all the more powerful to witness the saying — “You can’t judge a book by its cover” — proven true and lived out before a worldwide audience.
The moment Susan began to sing, the audience’s demeanor immediately changed from doubt and sarcasm to applause and wonder. Everyone was ecstatic to have their first impression proven wrong. A lesson on passing judgment and making assumptions was learned like a cold splash of water to our arrogant faces.
I’m three years older than Susan, and the fact that she would be pursuing her dream at this point in her life resonates with me and gives me encouragement that it is never too late to begin.
I think some of my tears were also at the thought of the world being deprived of her inspiring voice until now. And I can’t help but wonder how much more undiscovered talent remains silent or stifled and perhaps may never be shared with the rest of us. I’m also thinking about dream upon dream I’ve never acted upon.
Being inspired by Susan’s angelic voice is not something I would have wanted to miss. I’m beginning to understand more about the interconnectedness of humanity. What we do or don’t do with our lives matters. We make a difference to those our lives touch.
Do you have a dream you’ve tucked away on a high shelf with the hope you’ll get it down someday and do something about it?
Susan Boyle has shown the world that there are no time limitations or requirements for acting upon our dreams. And she is showing each of us how to reach them.
Does it take courage? Perhaps so, but even more as Susan is showing us, achieving dreams requires being yourself — genuine, authentic, honest, real. Her authenticity has given the world hope at a time when we’re all trying to figure out how to make changes and improvements to dire situations. Maybe the answers are within each of us.
There is no better time than the present to be true to yourself — to pursue dreams and set about reaching goals. We all have unique, God-given talents and skills that need to be used and are meant to be shared. We may not all be singers, but we all have a purpose to be fulfilled.
Let’s get busy doing just that. The world needs each of us!
Nov 16, 2008 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2008. All rights reserved.
How do you define yourself? As a mother, daughter, wife, husband, dad, or a son? Or perhaps as a student, teacher, manager, farmer, salesman?
Every day you create your own self-portrait. You name the image you see in the mirror and assign various qualities and attributes that you think go with your title. Then you act accordingly.
Your picture may be influenced by others’ perceptions, however, or by what you believe others think about you or expect from you. And you are likely to allow past experiences — your failures and successes — to further dictate and determine your abilities and your limitations.
What happens when your profile changes? Your kids are suddenly grown and move away from home. You get laid off from your job or you reach mandatory retirement. Your marriage ends in divorce or a spouse passes on.
Nothing can be more daunting than trying to reconfigure yourself, reinvent your life, and redefine your future — especially when the task arrives unexpectedly.
A new year is upon you. You must make a new beginning. Your old narrative no longer fits. You’re standing at a new road titled “self-discovery,” but reluctance, fear and lack of confidence is keeping you from moving up a street you’ve never been on. You are either unwilling to give yourself an overhaul or you’re clueless how to begin.
But perhaps what’s needed isn’t about defining a new you but rather discovering the true you — your identity as created by your heavenly Father.
This kind of self-discovery results in learning more about your “true” nature as it is divinely intended — without human conjecture, opinion, or critique.
There’s a phrase in the Bible that has given me a glimpse of how God views His children: the “…dearly beloved and longed for…” (Philippians 4:1) Thinking of myself as God’s dearly beloved and longed for helped me begin a new career when a former job of eight years ended. This was also at the same time my only child left for college.
Knowing I was the beloved of the Lord made me certain God only wanted good for His child. And the idea that God longed for someone like me assured there was still a purpose for my life, even though at first it was difficult to imagine myself doing something new and different.
It turns out the mirror can’t tell us about the image and likeness of God — that’s you and me, by the way. (Genesis 1:27) Only by learning more about God and His nature can we understand our own identity as created in His image and likeness.
As you become in touch with your true spiritual nature, nothing is beyond your means. You get a sense of your unlimited potential. You understand that your purpose never ends because it is ever being defined and directed by your Creator. And you can approach each moment with the knowledge that it contains within it, the potential for any number of possibilities.
Indeed, you can begin the New Year with a new you or rather with knowledge of the true you — the “you” that is always seen in His eyes. And this knowledge can change your life — again and again.
Nov 16, 2008 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2008. All rights reserved.
I was actually having difficulty thinking about anything but the election when I first sat down to write this column. So in search of some fresh inspiration, last night I started reading a new book or at least a book that is new to me – The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.
The second section of the book is titled, “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams.” Randy’s list of childhood dreams included: “being in zero gravity, playing in the NFL, authoring an article in the World Book Encyclopedia, being Captain Kirk, winning stuffed animals and being a Disney Imagineer.”
What impressed me about his list was its specificity. And I asked myself, “What were my childhood dreams?” At this moment, I can’t tell you whether or not I’ve acquired my childhood dreams because I’m still trying to remember what they were.
One of my favorite Disney movies was “Cinderella,” so I’m pretty sure one of my dreams was to find my very own Prince Charming. And that goal was definitely reached when I met my husband!
But what other dreams were nestled in my young head?
I remember loving to sing and used to imagine myself making a record. I wasn’t shy about performing in front of people. In fact, I remember going door to door in my neighborhood and asking folks if they wanted me to sing and play my baritone ukulele for them. I was in the school choir and participated in high school musicals. But that’s the extent of that dream.
I’ve also always loved to write and fancied myself as a published author. I remember keeping a diary when very young and still journal pretty much daily. And I remember beginning to write a book. But somewhere during our move from Georgia to Texas when I was around 10 years old, my book draft was lost and I’ve never begun another.
By the time I went to college, I had aspirations of becoming a lawyer and eventually running for political office. But I must admit I pushed this dream aside after I met and married my Prince Charming and started dreaming of having children. Oh I know, I could have done both. But I didn’t — or haven’t yet.
I can’t help but think, however, that I had other childhood dreams that somehow were forgotten and never pursued.
Thinking back on Randy’s very specific list, I think his pursuit of dreams was made possible because of his very clear and definitive vision of his goals. Yet even when his specific dream was not exactly realized, his pursuit taught him valuable lessons guiding him in new, often unexpected directions he had never envisioned before.
Basically one could say Randy walked his talk.
Perhaps that is a big key in accomplishing our dreams as well as helping us to not lose sight of them. Got a dream? Go for it! Begin walking the journey. We don’t get anywhere unless we venture out. And for every dead end road, there is another road to take nearby. It seems another key in garnering aspirations is being flexible in how we outline our plans so we don’t limit the possibilities or our capabilities.
Regarding dreams not achieved Randy wrote, “And even though I did not reach the National Football League, I sometimes think I got more from pursuing that dream, and not accomplishing it, than I did from many of the ones I did accomplish.” And although he didn’t actually “become” Captain Kirk, he did meet his childhood idol years later as an adult. And I suspect Randy mastered many of the same leadership skills as Captain Kirk in his own life and profession.
If you’re like me and you’re having difficulty remembering what your childhood dreams were, don’t be discouraged and feel your dreams have been lost forever. Start a new list of goals right now. Be specific but remain ready to let your dreams evolve and expand. Then start your pursuit!
Life is about living our goals throughout our entire lives — however small or grand. Day by day and moment by moment, keep pursuing and even adding new ones to your list. Dreaming is not limited to our childhood years! And the pursuit of dreams should never end!
Nov 16, 2008 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2008. All rights reserved.
Looking for a gold medal day? Or perhaps you’re looking for that gold medal year when everything turns out perfect? Or that gold medal job that you’ve always dreamed of? Or that gold medal grade that keeps your GPA high? For me, a day feels golden when I’ve accomplished my best and have completed everything I need to!The Olympics this year have been filled with examples of athletes achieving success beyond expectation. Many of the athletes have surpassed age limitations, overcome physical disabilities and surmounted injuries to reach their dream.
As I strive to master various goals, I’ve been inspired to believe that I can accomplish my own gold medal, if I have enough “ganas” like the Olympian medalists — or for that matter like all Olympic athletes. I was first introduced to the idea of “ganas” in the 1988 movie, “Stand and Deliver,” starring Edward James Olmos.
The movie is based on a true story about math teacher, Jaime Escalante, who inspired drop-out prone high school students with poor academic history to learn calculus and pass the AP Calculus exam in their senior year.
He told his students that if they had the “ganas” or “desire to succeed” they could accomplish whatever they strived for. In helping them accomplish their goal — against all odds and in spite of predictions of failure by many around them — he taught them a life lesson they would remember the rest of their lives — to let nothing stop or hinder them from going for their dreams.
We should not be fooled into believing that gold medal accomplishments are won by a long shot. So many times gold medalists just barely pull out the win by the slimmest of margins. These examples have taught me to give my all and give my best, and since it’s not over till it’s over — I should never give up.
But how do I succeed, or even begin to go for the gold, when I’m filled with self-doubt and a lack of confidence?
We’ve probably all had times in our lives when we’ve questioned our worthiness and deservedness — being our own worst critic. Self-doubt can actually become a bad habit that destroys confidence and causes procrastination or lack of effort. The bottom line is no benefit will ever come from doubting yourself and questioning yourself to the point of not pursuing your dreams. You can’t succeed or fail if you never even try.
And gold medalists would remind us how many times they “failed” before they won the gold medals they now wear around their necks. Fear of failure is no reason not to go for the gold.
I’ve found it wise to remember that our past does not dictate our future. I’ve also found we do well to remember that every failure or mistake teaches a lesson. So, if we learn our lessons well, we’ll do well in the future. Or at least I know if I’ve learned a lesson well enough, I don’t repeat the same mistake!
God has created each of us with unique talents, abilities and potential. These are very good reasons to appreciate who we are — our talents and every experience we’ve had. We each have a unique purpose to fulfill. And we have the God-given ability to live our purpose to its fullest possibility.
So believe in yourselves, my friends. Your purpose is uniquely yours, and no one else can fulfill it for you or take it away from you. Stay on your course. Be patient. Pursue, persevere and expect success. You can’t help but be whatever God has created you to be. And with God, truly all things are possible for each one of us. A gold medal is within your grasp!
