Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Change — some people dread it, and others can’t get enough. It may be much like the idiom, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” When it comes to what we would alter or why we would make a modification, the answers vary because we all have different things we value, want, need and consider important.
Unlike some empty nesters, I’m one of those who can’t get enough change. Even when I’m not actively seeking it, I feel a hunger for it. And this often results in my imagination working overtime, wondering what I could change — replace, remodel, reorganize or improve and do differently.
Certainly, there are things I would never trade about my life. I adore my husband — one fact that is firm and fixed. Unfortunately, my dear husband is one of those folks who dreads change, so there are times his feelings impact the possibilities of what I would and can change in my own life.
Furthermore, sometimes what I think I might like to change and what I feel I can or would are different. When this happens to any of us, I think it’s important to examine why we feel we can’t or wouldn’t make a change.
What’s stopping us?
When I mention to my husband something I’m thinking about changing, he often responds with, “Why now?” And my response to him is always, “Why not?”
I think it’s the “Why not?” question that must be answered when we’re hesitant to make a change. And when I find my hesitancy is based on a fear, that’s when I become determined to conquer the fear.
Many times in my life I’ve let fear stop me from reaching some goal or aspiration. Since I can’t go back and change all the things I wish I had done, and living in regret is completely pointless, today my resolve is fierce when I’m faced with a fear that is trying to hold me back.
In short, I simply can’t allow fear to be what stops me from making a change!
Now, I do believe in making informed and educated decisions. And there could be information that might stop me from making a change.
It could also be that certain changes really are better at one time than at another. So, if a desired change shouldn’t happen today, it doesn’t mean that at some point in the future, that desired change couldn’t or shouldn’t happen.
But one thing is for sure, my friends — do not let fear paralyze you with uncertainty, indecisiveness and inaction. We must stop fear before it stops us.
It’s helpful to look at your fear straight on and examine what it is telling you. Perhaps your fear is saying, “You can’t do it or it will be too difficult.” “You’re afraid of what others will think.” “You will fail.” “You will be wrong.” “You won’t like the outcome.”
Some people say that fears can be rational and logical and are a helpful instinct that protects us from danger. I don’t think it is fear that makes decisions and actions rational, logical and safe, but rather knowledge, understanding, common sense as well as divine inspiration and revelation that serve us well.
At least from my own experience, I’ve found that fear is irrational and baseless. It is some illusive belief that would stop me from making my life better — happier, more satisfying, more interesting, more productive, more fun.
Changes are a natural — and can be a progressive — aspect throughout our life. Making a well thought-out change need not be feared but welcomed, explored and enjoyed.
Asking ourselves “Why not?” when considering some change can be very telling. We just may find that there really isn’t a good enough reason not to!
Nov 16, 2008 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2008. All rights reserved.
You are worthy, and your life is worthwhile. Never doubt this, my friends! Do not let person, age or circumstance dictate your value. Actually no one can undermine the talents and skills that are uniquely yours — not a teacher, friend, parent, spouse or employer.
I have sometimes allowed myself to be saddened and depressed by something someone has said to me. I’ve let another’s words make me feel inconsequential, useless and of no purpose.
The truth is no one has the right or ability to stifle your dreams, bruise your spirit, question your interests, or dictate your choices. In fact, it is impossible, unless you give someone the power to do so.
Your thoughts, opinions and viewpoints are yours, and they are special. They have the right to exist and be acted upon. God created you to be a “thinker,” and no one can think for you.
Over the years I’ve changed my priorities, my goals and my wishes again and again to fit the needs and wants of others.
My current dismay is that now that I’ve reached what many refer to as “mid-life,” I’m feeling dissatisfied. I’m questioning the merit of what I’ve accomplished in my life, and I long for something more. Yet, I’m uncertain of what it would take to satisfy that longing.
Lately, however, I’ve been discovering that when we allow our worthiness to come into question, we dampen our motivation and lower our expectation that it is possible to reach dreams and accomplish goals. Thus, our feelings of unworthiness become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I’ve sometimes wondered what would have happened if Moses had let his doubts about his worthiness to free the children of Israel stop him from trying. Remember how Moses responded when God told him he would send him to Pharaoh. Moses asked, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh? (Exodus 3:11)
Undoubtedly, the task seemed like a huge undertaking, and I suppose Moses was uncertain he had what it would take to get the job done. Thankfully, God promised Moses He would be with him. Although this news was reassuring, Moses continued to express his doubts as he and God further discussed the plans for his mission. Moses protested, “The people won’t believe me…I am not eloquent…I am slow of speech….” But God had an answer for each concern Moses interjected.
Sometimes I think we can become our own worst enemy as we distrust our abilities and debunk our potential. Yet we learn from reading about Moses, that not only does God have a mission for each of us, he provides us with everything we need to accomplish the mission.
So let’s stop doubting our worth or worthiness. And never doubt our abilities. God not only will give us all we need, He’s going to lead us, He has our backs, and He’ll hold our hands. God will be with us every step of our life journeys. And no matter what need arises along the way, God has a solution. Just read the rest of the story about Moses and the children of Israel as they crossed the wilderness and reached the Promised Land, and you’ll see what I mean.
Our journeys are our own. Each of us has a purpose that is important and significant to our Father-Mother God. Each of our missions is distinct and incomparable. No one else is suitable or worthy to fulfill our mission. This is as true for me as it is for you!
Oct 24, 2007 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2007. All rights reserved.
My world was about to change. It was September 2001, and my only child was heading off to college. I had been anticipating and dreading the day.
You have to understand, Jennifer is not only my daughter. She is also my shopping companion, my movie buddy, my confidant. She is my best friend. When Jennifer was born, I stopped teaching school to be an at-home mom. When she started school, I went back to teaching at her elementary school. In fact, I was her kindergarten teacher.
In Jennifer’s fifth-grade year, we started home schooling and continued through high school. It was a good fit for our cattle-ranching lifestyle. And she and I loved learning together. Besides, it left us plenty of time to travel as a family, something I couldn’t even imagine doing without our daughter. Even when she went to summer camp, I went with her and volunteered.
But the day had come for her to begin her own life journey away at college. It was inevitable, and I had to face it. The time had finally arrived for me to let her go — without going with her. And it was time for me to move on to the next chapter in my own life — life without a child at home. This change may have been my greatest unspoken fear.
How can I describe those first days and weeks without her at home? Sleepless. Anxious. Worried. Fearful. Uneasy. Almost unbearable.
There wasn’t anything anyone said to me that helped. Yes, I knew what was right and normal for my child. I knew she couldn’t live at home forever. I didn’t want that for her. And yes, I knew it was normal to miss her. I admit I talked with her every day on the telephone. But nothing could stop how frantic I was. My imagination worked overtime, especially at night when I tried to sleep. The anxiety I was feeling from being separated from her was creating a picture of a vulnerable young girl who was susceptible to chance, accident or even violence.
In the meantime, Jennifer was adjusting very well to college. She enjoyed her classes and made good grades. She was used to managing her time and studying on her own. She had a boyfriend we liked. And she was active in a student organization. In fact, it was her activity in this organization that brought my anxieties and fears to a head. She was going to fly on a commercial airliner to Washington DC, and it was only 6 months after 9/11.
I had begun praying and searching for peace of mind before her travel news. My search for peace required moment-to-moment, thought-by-thought prayer. Psalm 91 became my daily prayer and brought me reassurance, comfort and confidence.
It also helped me to think of God as both Father and Mother. The perfect 24/7 Parent, never off-duty — for both me and for Jennifer. I realized that everyone has a unique relationship with God, and their own purpose to fulfill. And I wasn’t responsible for maintaining this link for my daughter.
The idea that both Jennifer and I are on life journeys and that God has a purpose for us throughout our lives proved key to gaining peace of mind. When I finally accepted, believed and trusted this idea with all my heart, I became committed to not allowing any thought, fear or opinion interfere with God’s purpose for both of us.
The fruits of my prayer were life changing.
Yes, Jennifer had a safe and fun trip to Washington DC. Her college years were joyous and productive. She completed her Bachelor of Arts degree in three years. The boyfriend became our son-in-law, whom we love very much. She and I still talk every day, and I look forward to hearing what’s new and wonderful on her life journey.
And what about me? I can honestly say that fear and anxiety no longer rule my days and nights. My husband and I have great fun with evenings and weekends that are “just us.” We’ve enjoyed trips alone and have had wonderful excursions with friends. And we’ve had opportunities for travels that have included our daughter and son-in-law. I have started a new career. My husband and I have remodeled our house. And we’ve added a new member to our family — a miniature dachshund.
Not long ago I had a conversation with Jennifer reflecting on her college years. In telling her about my experience in those first few months, I was delighted to learn she never suspected my struggle. She told me, “I never felt guilty going away to college. I never felt you were scared for me. I never felt susceptible to risk or dangers. I never had any situations that made me afraid. I always felt safe.”
Yes, my world did change. But I’ve learned I don’t have to be afraid of change. Change is progress. Change means growth. Change provides expansive views. It’s kind of like the change from a caterpillar to a butterfly. Certainly, the life experience is different. But what a difference in the view!
Oct 13, 2006 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2006. All rights reserved.
My world was about to change. It was September 2001 and my only child was heading off to college. I had been anticipating this moment for the past year. Well, actually, I had been dreading it.
You have to understand. Jennifer is much more than my daughter. She is my shopping companion, my movie buddy, my confidant. She is my best friend.
I was teaching school before Jennifer was born. Then, I stopped teaching to be an at-home mom. When she started school, I went back to teaching at my daughter’s elementary school. In fact, I was her kindergarten teacher.
In Jennifer’s fifth-grade year we started home schooling and continued through high school. It was a good fit for our cattle-ranching lifestyle in Texas. And she and I loved learning together. Besides, it left us plenty of time to travel as a family, something I couldn’t even imagine doing without our daughter.
The time had finally arrived for me to let her go.
To be honest we had never been apart. Even when she went to summer camp, I went with her and volunteered.
But the day had come for her to begin her own life journey away at college. It was inevitable and I had to face it. The time had finally arrived for me to let her go—without going with her.
How can I describe those first days and weeks without her at home? Sleepless. Anxious. Worried. Fearful. Uneasy. Almost unbearable.
There wasn’t anything anyone said to me that helped, including my husband, who tried to comfort me but couldn’t. Yes, I knew what was right and normal for my child. I knew she couldn’t live at home forever. I didn’t want that for her. And yes, I knew it was normal to miss her. I admit I talked with her every day on the telephone. But nothing could stop how frantic I was. My imagination worked overtime, especially at night when trying to sleep. The anxieties I was feeling from being separated from her were creating a picture of a vulnerable young girl who was susceptible to chance, accident or even violence.
Jennifer was adjusting very well to college.
In the meantime, Jennifer was adjusting very well to college. She enjoyed her classes and made good grades. She was used to managing her time, studying on her own, had fast reading speed with good comprehension and she was a great writer. She had a nice boyfriend whom we liked. And she had become active in a student organization. In fact, it was her activity in this organization that brought my anxieties and fears to a head. She was soon to fly on a commercial airliner to Washington DC, and it was only 6 months after 9/11.
I had the habit of turning to spiritual ideas to help me solve problems. And honestly, I had begun praying and searching for peace of mind before her travel news. I had found my search for peace required moment-to-moment, thought-by-thought prayer in order to genuinely feel God’s presence.
For me, prayer begins with being still and listening. I like to continue by acknowledging the good about God and His children. In my study of Science and HealthI’ve discovered a God who is ever-present Love, constantly available and very comforting.
God is the perfect 24/7 Parent.
I began to see that God is the perfect 24/7 Parent, never off-duty—for me and for Jennifer. I also realized that everyone has a unique relationship with God, and their own purpose to fulfill.
And I wasn’t needed to provide this link for my daughter.
The idea that both Jennifer and I are on life journeys and that God has a purpose for us throughout our lives has been the ultimate freedom maker. When I finally accepted, believed and trusted this idea with all my heart, I became committed to not allowing any thought, fear or opinion interfere with God’s revelation for both of us.
The fruits of my prayer have been life changing.
Yes, Jennifer had a safe and fun trip to Washington DC. Her college years have been joyous and productive. She has completed her Bachelor of Arts degree in three years, and will graduate this summer, 2004. The nice boyfriend recently became our son-in-law, whom we love very much. She and I still talk every day and I look forward to hearing what’s new and wonderful on her life journey.
“I never felt guilty going away to college.”
And what about me? I can honestly say that fear and anxiety no longer rule my days and nights. My husband and I have been having great fun with evenings and weekends that are “just us.” We’ve enjoyed trips alone and have had wonderful excursions with friends. And there have been opportunities for travels that have included our daughter and son-in-law. I’m involved in community organizations and have also started a new career focus. My husband and I have started remodeling our house. And we’ve added a new member to our family—a miniature dachshund.
I recently had a conversation with Jennifer reflecting on her college years. In telling her about my experience in those first few months, I was delighted to learn she never suspected my struggle. She told me, “I never felt guilty going away to college. I never felt you were scared for me. I knew you were always going to support me. I never felt susceptible to risk or dangers. I never had any situations that made me afraid. I always felt safe.”
Yes, my world did change. But I’ve learned I don’t have to be afraid of change. Change is progress. Change means growth. Change provides expansive views. It’s kind of like the change from a caterpillar to a butterfly. Certainly, the life experience is different. But what a difference in the view!
Oct 13, 2006 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2006. All rights reserved.
I’m almost 50. Half a century. For 21 years of my life, I focused on raising my only child. Then she graduated from college, married and moved to another state. Some people experience mid-life crises at this stage of life—I know I started thinking things I’d never thought about before.
I began to wonder how much time I had left to spend with my own mother. I began to think about the death of loved ones and even my own demise. I thought about all the dreams I let fade away.
Then I heard a song that got me thinking in a new way.
Live “like tomorrow was a gift”.
If you’re a country music fan like I am, you’ve no doubt heard Tim McGraw’s hit song, “Live like you were dying.” The song encourages listeners to live “like tomorrow was a gift” and make the most out of the present.
The song asks, “You got eternity to think about what you do with it—What should you do with it?”
This question really caught my attention. So as the song mentions, I “read the Good Book”—yes, the Bible. And other good books too, as I began to ponder the idea of eternity and life.
In reading the weekly Bible Lesson one morning, some statements from Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures reminded me of Tim’s song. I read, “Life is eternal. We should find this out, and begin the demonstration thereof. Life and goodness are immortal. Let us then shape our views of existence into loveliness, freshness, and continuity, rather than into age and blight.”
What would I do with eternity?
I thought again about the question in the song. What would I do with eternity? And I found myself responding, “live like Life’s eternal.”
I started to think about that. How would it change my days, to live knowing Life is eternal?
Considering this idea is transforming my experience day by day. I’m starting to understand what Eddy meant about shaping our views of existence by a life that is eternal, by a life that affirms God as Life itself.
I feel I’ve found my answer. Pondering eternity is wiping out my fears, erasing limitations and bringing more joy and peace to each moment.
I’m a much better listener these days.
I’m not letting the clock and calendar be my focus anymore. I’m making the most of moments with loved ones, and moments by myself. I’m a much better listener these days when friends and family call—and it seems as though I get more calls than I used to.
And you know what? As the songs says, I have gone Rocky Mountain climbing, and fishing, too. My husband and I have taken trips on the spur of the moment. I’ve been spending more time with my mother—going to movies together, swimming or just hanging out.
I have new hobbies. I feel I’m at a beginning that never ends. And the possibilities are infinite for what I might do next. (Perhaps bull riding? Well, maybe not.)
There is no “middle” to eternity. Yep, I’m singing a new song now: “Live like Life’s eternal.” And that’s exactly how it feels.
