Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Being the youngest in my family with three big brothers, I must admit that I always seemed to find something to tattle about. Was my tattling a ploy to get attention? I suspect so — at least some of the time.
Whatever my reason, some might say my childhood job was to be the family informer. Sometimes I think I tattled because I was mad at one of my brothers, and I wanted to get him in trouble. Of course, this particular brother usually did something worthy of getting in trouble for. I just passed along the incriminating information.
Many children fear the label of rat, squealer, fink or blabbermouth, but there are things children should feel free and comfortable to tell.
Children may be embarrassed or ashamed of the inappropriate behavior someone has had toward them. Their confusion can make them hold their tongue when they should in fact tell what was done.
Sometimes our friends confide in us, and it can be difficult for us to know the difference between secrets that we should keep and those that we need to share with another.
I had a young childhood friend who vowed me to secrecy about an adult’s inappropriate behavior toward her. And I have to tell you that her secret was one I kept her entire life. My friend passed on several years ago, but I’m still sad because she may have endured much pain and unhappiness, and I never did anything to stop it.
It had been so easy for me to snitch on my brothers. Yet I can’t explain why I couldn’t blab about my friend’s experience to my mother or some other authority figure.
When I think back on all the tattling I did on my brother, I think that in fact, this brother was doing things that he shouldn’t have been doing. At the time I didn’t understand why I needed to tell on him — that it wasn’t to get him into trouble but to help him stop doing things that were harmful to his health.
Children need to be taught the difference between senseless tattling and a legitimate complaint or concern. As in many areas of our lives, an examination of our motives is paramount.
Is what we feel compelled to share something that affects ours or others’ physical or psychological safety? Is our motive with the intent to protect? Is there an emergency — when danger is imminent?
When I was eleven, I had a friend tattle on me that resulted in my suspension from school for three days. I don’t think I ever thanked this friend for her brave actions. It was clearly her concern for my safety as well as that of others that she snitched. I was at first humiliated and angry. But I can tell you now that her tattling completely altered my life. I was forced to make some needed changes that put me on a better path for the rest of my life.
If you have a child who never hesitates to keep you informed, don’t discourage the line of communication. We don’t want to teach our children to shut up. The era of children seen and not heard has long ended. Let’s teach our kids how to evaluate and process information so they know what’s important and know how and when to tattle.
Your child may end up saving another child’s life just like my friend saved mine.
Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
Father’s Day is a time to commemorate and celebrate the fathers and father figures in our lives. They include stepfathers, uncles, grandfathers, father-in-laws, and big brothers – all those who’ve had a role in shaping our life. The word father has also often been used to honor spiritual leaders and inventors throughout history. And certainly many pray to our divine Father every day of the year.
I’ve been thinking about my dad. Even though he passed on when I was young, I have very vivid—some very endearing—memories. Remembering the good took me years because my brief time with him was sometimes filled with sadness—with my dad angry, indifferent, or absent from the scene altogether. He and my mom went through a volatile divorce about a year before he died. Bad memories, however, have become fewer through my prayers to reflect and focus on the good. The balance of memories has been readjusted. This healing journey has brought me much peace.
Even though I can’t spend Father’s Day with my dad in person, nothing makes me feel closer to him than when I think of us both as children of the same divine Parent. I was introduced to Christian Science around the time my dad passed on. Learning that God was always present with me and all of His children, including my dad, was very comforting to me back then, and is now. In fact, nothing is more reassuring and strengthening than when I ponder and feel our Father’s love and presence.
I remember feeling self-assured and encouraged by his confidence in me.
As I recall a few cherished moments with my dad, some Bible verses also come to mind, reminding me that our Father is indeed always caring for and loving both me and my dad (and you and yours) throughout eternity.
“Blessed be the Lord thy God, which delighted in thee ….” (II Chronicles 9:8)
I loved watching television with my dad—albeit a black and white one in those days. One of my greatest afternoon delights was when my dad came home from work and invited me to watch his favorite talk show with him. I can’t say how many times I watched TV with him, but apparently it was meaningful for me to snuggle with him on the sofa. I remember feeling wanted and loved in his warm embrace.
“Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” (Luke 12:32)
One of my early childhood dreams was to be a professional singer and musician—not that I had any special talent for either. I remember very well the day my parents bought me a baritone ukulele like my fourth-grade teacher’s. My dad set up a music stand in my room that displayed a chord instruction book. After a few suggestions from him, he left me alone to self-teach. I remember feeling self-assured and encouraged by his confidence in me.
“If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.” (Mark 9:23)
It’s probably a true statement to say we all want, like, and need to be needed. One of my fondest memories of my dad is when he asked me to help him mix up concrete. He was making a decorative brick wall around our back patio at our new house. My job was to scoop the cups of concrete mix. I remember how important I felt as I fulfilled my duties and how pleased my dad was with my work. His faith in me made me believe I could do anything.
Perhaps my most indelible memory of my dad is holding his hand.
“The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: ….” (Jeremiah 31:3)
And then there were the times when all I needed to feel safe and sound was to hold my daddy’s hand. For a while, the six members of my family shared a two-bedroom apartment. During this time, my bed was parallel to my parents’. I remember many nights when I was afraid in the dark, but all my fears disappeared as soon as I reached across the aisle between our beds to grab my dad’s hand. His strong hand made me feel protected and invincible. And again, I felt loved.
Children may not always understand their dads. We may get very little time to know them. We may sometimes disagree with them. We may even want to be very different from them. But I like to believe that, at least most of the time, our fathers love us. Certainly, we all have a divine Father who does.
Perhaps my most indelible memory of my dad is holding his hand. I’m looking at a photo right now that is on the bookcase in front of my desk. I’m in my Easter dress and bonnet, standing beside my dad and holding his hand. So in the words of singer Holly Dunn – “I’ll always remember the love in Daddy’s hands.” And I’ll never take for granted the love that is always embracing us all from our Father-Mother God.
Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
Memories of my dad are brief and few and yet they are very vivid. Although it’s been more than four decades since I was in his presence, there are certain permanent impressions that are fixed in my memory.
Dear Dads (and Moms, too): If you are questioning the impact you are making on your children, question no longer. In fact, the very things you may think are of little significance to your children, are the very things that will stick with them for life.
I had less than ten years with my dad before he passed on, and of course, I have no real memories of those first two or three. I’ve been wondering lately why some memories linger and others fade. No doubt I had more experiences with my dad than the ones that stand out the most. Certainly, there are some sad ones that I choose not to recall today.
Perhaps one way to wash away, diminish and erase the bad is to restore, rejuvenate and reflect on the good.
As I recall a few cherished moments with my dad, some Bible verses also come to mind, reminding me of a Father that is always caring for and loving both me and my dad throughout eternity.
I loved watching television with my dad — albeit a black and white one in those days. One of my greatest afternoon delights was when my dad came home from work and invited me to watch his favorite talk show with him. I can’t say how many times I watched TV with him, but apparently it was meaningful for me to snuggle with him on the sofa. I remember feeling wanted and loved in his warm embrace.
“Blessed be the Lord thy God, which delighted in thee…” (II Chronicles 9:8)
One of my early childhood dreams was to be a professional singer and musician — not that I had any special talent for either. I remember very well the day my parents bought me a baritone ukulele like my 4th grade teacher’s. My dad set up a music stand in my room that displayed a chord instruction book. After a few suggestions from him, he left me alone to self-teach. I remember feeling self-assured and encouraged by his confidence in me.
“Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” (Luke 12:32)
It’s probably a true statement to say we all want, like and need to be needed. One of my fondest memories with my dad is when he asked me to help him mix up concrete. He was making a decorative brick wall around our back patio at our new house. My job was to scoop the cups of concrete mix. I remember how important I felt as I fulfilled my duties and how pleased my dad was with my work. His faith in me made me believe I could do anything.
“If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.” (Mark 9:23)
And then there were the times when all I needed to feel safe and sound was to hold my daddy’s hand. For a while, the six members of my family shared a two-bedroom apartment. During this time my bed was parallel to my parent’s. I remember many nights when I was afraid in the dark, and all my fears disappeared as soon as I reached across the aisle between our beds to grab my dad’s hand. His strong hand made me feel protected and invincible. And again, I felt loved.
“The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love…” (Jeremiah 31:3)
Children may not always understand their dads. We may get very little time to know them. We may sometimes disagree with them. We may even want to be very different from them. But I like to believe that, at least most of the time, our fathers love us. Certainly, we all have a divine Father who does.
Indeed, perhaps my most indelible memory of all is holding my dad’s hand. I’m looking at a photo right now that is on the bookcase in front of my desk. I’m in my Easter dress and bonnet standing beside my dad holding his hand. So yes, oh yes — in the words of Holly Dunn — “I’ll always remember the love in (my) Daddy’s hands.”
Nov 16, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
There’s nothing like a mother’s hug!
Remember the days when the only thing that would console you was being held tight in your mother’s embrace? It didn’t matter if you were afraid, sad, hurt, disappointed or sick, once you were tucked into your mom’s arms, everything suddenly seemed much better. You felt safe, loved, comforted and protected. And you knew that somehow, in some way, everything would be okay.
Of course, we don’t always have our mother around to give her miraculous hug. She may live a thousand miles away or maybe she has passed on. It could be that your mom now needs you to care for and comfort her.
Maybe the child you thought was happily married, suddenly comes back home not so happy and in need of your encouragement and guidance. Or the spouse you’ve depended upon for support and strength unexpectedly needs you to take charge. Or perhaps you have other family members and friends looking to you for help.
You want to help. You want to be whatever anyone needs you to be. But sometimes it all just feels a bit much — more than you can handle. You find yourself longing to be safe and snug in your mother’s hug.
I’ve been reminded that “mothering” isn’t limited to adults or exclusive to mothers. I remember when my daughter was very small. When she saw me sad or upset, she would put her little arms around me and pat my back and say, “It will be okay, Mommy.” And in that moment, I would know she was right.
There have been many times I’ve walked into my house and plopped down on my sofa feeling discouraged or frustrated. About that time, my dog would jump into my lap and lick my hand, as if to say, “Don’t worry. I’m here for you. Everything will be okay.” And in that moment, I would know it would be.
And certainly there have been even more times when all I needed to feel reassured was the tender — dare I say motherly — embrace of my husband.
Maybe we can’t always have our mother’s hug. But that doesn’t mean we can’t feel the same assurance we felt in her arms.
The Bible says, “For thus saith the Lord, As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you…” (Isaiah 66:13) I love thinking of God as mother — especially when I really need a hug.
Like as a mother, God is right there with us to pick us up when we skin our knee, when we have a bad dream, when we feel picked on and bullied, and when we have a tummy ache. His comfort — or perhaps I could say Her comfort — is a promise. In fact, the Bible verse in Isaiah continues, “…and ye shall be comforted.”
So what does it mean to be comforted by God?
It means fears are allayed, worries are relieved, anxieties are put to ease, and burdens are lightened. Outlooks brighten, spirits refresh, faith is reassured, hope is restored, solace is revived and courage is bolstered.
God meets our needs just like an attentive and ardent mother. We are never alone or without help and support. Realizing God’s gentle ever-presence — feeling His motherly love for us — will make all things better.
Whether it’s our mother’s hug, our child’s arms around us, our puppy snuggling with us or our spouse’s embrace — all are wonderful examples of God’s mothering love for us. We can never be separated from God’s love. And we can feel this love embracing us right now — wherever we are — assuring all is well, all will be well, all must be well.
Basking in God’s love — His tenderness, compassion, wisdom, strength, protection and warmth — is like getting a big hug from your mom. And there’s nothing like a hug from your Father-Mother God!
Oct 28, 2008 |
by Annette Bridges. © 2008. All rights reserved.
Disturbing incidents of bullying continue to make news headlines worldwide. And it seems bullying has a new face, or as some say, no face at all with the “cyber bully.” This faceless individual anonymously torments, threatens, and harasses others via the Internet, interactive and digital technologies, or cell phones.In the United States, studies indicate one out of ten students drops out of school because of repeated bullying. And harassment and bullying have been linked to suicides and to 75 percent of school-shooting incidents. Sadly, some studies have suggested that as many as half of all children have been bullied at some time during their school years, with many children admitting having experience as both the bully and the bullied.
This didn’t surprise me as I recalled my own experience of being bullied. As a young child, I was very skinny and self-conscious about my size and appearance. Getting teased about my size was a frequent occurrence, especially during physical education classes.
Then, through Christian Science, I started learning about my spiritual identity—that, no matter what my opinion or any other opinions were, the child that God created was my “true” self. God could create only the reflection of Himself, and this would surely include such qualities as strength, courage, fortitude, confidence, poise, faith. I was beginning to understand that I could rely on my God-given qualities any time. I remember praying along these lines one day during gym class when a turning point came.
Each girl had to do one chin-up and hold the position. We were each timed to see how long we could hold ourselves up. My turn arrived, along with heckling that I was too weak to even pull myself up at all. But not only was I able to, I also broke the school record for how long I could hold that position. That ended the taunting about my size and lack of ability.
In hindsight, I can see how accepting this spiritual view of myself enabled me to achieve my best and see the reversal of my peers’ perception of me. I was also learning that this God-inspired view must be true for each of them, too.
Some have minimized or dismissed bullying behavior, concluding “it’s just a phase” or “kids will be kids.” And some think bullying is a topic of concern limited to parents and educators. However, whether a child is the perpetrator or target, bullying traps children into destructive behavior patterns that threaten to follow them into adulthood.
Author Barbara Coloroso, who works in Rwanda with orphans from the genocide, draws a link between genocide and bullying behaviors learned in childhood. Describing genocide as “the most extreme form of bullying” in an interview with The Epoch Times, she said: “It’s rooted in contempt for another human being who’s been deemed by the bully and his or her accomplices to be worthless, inferior, and undeserving of respect. Once I have contempt for you, I could do anything to you and not feel any shame or compassion. I’ve removed you from my circle of needing to treat you as a human being” (November 9, 2007). If bullying remains unchecked in childhood, it’s easy to see how it can sow the seeds that sprout into racism and religious and political extremism that threaten the peace and unity of humankind.
Perhaps one solution is to help children find and value their natural attraction to purity and goodness. Mary Baker Eddy wrote, “Beloved children, the world has need of you,—and more as children than as men and women: it needs your innocence, unselfishness, faithful affection, uncontaminated lives” (Miscellaneous Writings 1883–1896, p. 110). Here is a call to pray for all humankind to protect, preserve, and nurture the virtues that are innate in all of God’s children—and this includes you and me.
As children develop an awareness of their own unique and irreplaceable value, and feel the acceptance and love of their divine Parent, they will in turn treasure and care for themselves, and feelings of trust and respect for others will be awakened.
It’s not too much to say that the progress of humanity, which includes all of us at any stage or age, relies and depends on understanding our spiritual identity. Since we’re each a child of God, we can expect harmony in our relations with others. Contempt and fear are not natural impulses; they can be unlearned and uprooted by the truth of our spiritual nature and God’s unending and unconditional love for all of His children. Contempt can be transformed into compassion and caring, and fear into empathy and love for one another.
