Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Perhaps you remember the song by the country band, Alabama, titled “Angels among us.”
The song lyrics include lines such as “a kind word from a stranger to lend a helping hand” and “a phone call from a friend just to say I understand” as a couple of examples of what the angels among us look like.
Could it be that you and I have the potential to be somebody’s angel?
My mom called me one Sunday to tell me about all the angels who helped her that day. And since good deeds should not go unnoticed, it seemed appropriate to write about them.
Actually, she has two little angels who help her every Sunday. They eagerly wait for her arrival as they watch out their Sunday School window. When they see her car pull up and stop, these two little angels rush out to greet her and help her get out of the car and walk into the building — one angel on each side.
I wonder if they know they are her Sunday angels.
But this particular Sunday, she met another angel. When she and her companions were going to be seated at the restaurant they went to for lunch, the waiter offered his arm to walk her to their table. Then, when she stood up after her lunch to leave, this angel suddenly appeared to offer his arm again. And his help wasn’t limited to inside the restaurant. He walked her all the way to her car, helped her get in and then cranked it up to get the air conditioning cooling for her and her friends.
Did this waiter know he was being her angel?
His actions as well as those of her two little Sunday angels epitomize these words by Luciano de Crescenzo: “We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly embracing each other.”
My mom has many angels.
There’s the son who is always there for her and drives her wherever she needs to go.
There’s the husband who rubs her feet when they hurt and helps her in any way he can.
There’s the puppy who keeps her company.
There are the grandchildren and great-grandchildren who call her and lift her spirits and make her forget her pain for a little while.
And there have been many wonderful neighbors and friends along the way who have offered their assistance and companionship and who have given her many happy memories.
It doesn’t surprise me that my mom has always had an abundance of angels at her side. The old adage, “One good deed deserves another” is true. My mom has walked that extra mile for her friends, and she has done everything she could for her children. So I’m not surprised that angels come to her in her hours of need.
It’s also no surprise, my friends, that each of us is somebody’s angel. With the same Father-Mother God, we are all the reflection of God’s love. And this means that the things we do and say have the power to help, heal, inspire, comfort, guide, encourage, lift up and bring joy and laughter to everyone we meet.
Have you ever considered that you were somebody’s angel today?
Your smile meant more than you know, the kindness you showed by opening the door for someone, made that someone feel special, and the call you made to a friend was just what was needed.
Perhaps we should not take so lightly what we say or do — because it may be that we were somebody’s angel today!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
I still beat myself up over words said many years ago when a friend’s child died.
Today, I was reminded of this when another friend posted on Facebook, “People say odd and not-helpful things to the grieving. A simple — I’m sorry for your loss — is really much more appropriate.” She provided a link to a helpful article published on AOL Health titled, “10 best and worst things to say to someone in grief.”
I agree with my friend — it is a good article. And I agree with its list of both the ten best things to say and the ten worst things. The article points out that most of us have probably said some of the best and the worst. Sadly, some of my worst made the top ten.
Life can change in the blink of an eye. My friend and I shared many breakfasts together, shopping outings and trips with our daughters. We went from being together every week to rarely ever seeing each other.
And time has not lessened my regrets.
I still recall the extreme emotions I struggled with. My heart ached. I could hardly breathe or swallow as I sat on the swing waiting for someone to open the door. It was like a very bad dream that I wanted desperately to wake up from. I didn’t want it to be true. I didn’t want to believe it was.
I had no idea what to say to my friend when she opened the door. Actually, I don’t remember what I did say. I just remember feeling later that it was wrong or stupid and I wished I had said nothing at all.
I know now that it’s very normal to not know exactly what to say or what to do in these tragic instances. In fact, we don’t need to feel we should have answers or provide advice. And oftentimes, it really is better to say nothing. Being there — just being there — is enough. Our supportive and caring presence is all that is needed.
Not too long ago I did have the occasion to speak to this friend with the opportunity to express my regrets for any stupid statements said in her first moments of grief. She told me that she didn’t remember anything I said or anything anyone else said to her during those hours. But what she did remember was that I was there.
The old adage, “If you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all” could be applied in scenarios of grief. However, I would tweak it a bit — “When in doubt, say nothing.”
Trust me — there probably aren’t many good things to say to someone grieving. And it is better to say nothing, than something that is later regretted.
So, what should we say or do when wanting to comfort friends in grief?
Again, the simple “I am so sorry” can be enough. We might add, “I am here for you.” These are two from the top ten best things to say list.
We can be honest and admit we wished we had the right words, but don’t. And we should always, always listen without comment. We should never disagree with or argue or judge anything a grieving friend says in their first hours of grief. Something I wish I had understood back then.
I may not be able to change what I said in the past. But I can consider my words more compassionately in the future. And I will remember that giving a hug or squeezing the hand of a grieving friend speaks volumes. Our presence is what matters most.
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Did you know that it really is possible to find a needle in a haystack? I truly believe that anything can happen if your search is on Facebook!
A few days ago I had the surprise of my lifetime. But that is not where this story begins.
My mom divorced my dad when I was nine years old. Then he passed away a few months later. Sadly, communication was lost between her and my dad’s family.
In the meantime, my mom and I moved several states to the west and started a new life. Years past without me knowing my aunt, uncle and numerous cousins — forty-two years to be exact!
Children of divorce often get the raw end of the deal. And I don’t know that I can offer the perfect solution. I do applaud parents who strive to maintain a relationship with their ex-spouse’s family members — when this is possible. I have no doubt that this task is not always easy, consequently, I do not intend to pass judgment. Furthermore, I also know there are many sides to every marriage and divorce that impacts communication among families. I know it was not so simple for my mom.
Still, I can’t help but wish that I could have grown up knowing my dad’s side of the family.
Needless to say, it’s never too late to know your cousins. This was my Facebook post after I received a message from a gal who turned out to be one of mine. She was sending Facebook messages out to several “Annette’s” that shared my maiden name. Fortunately, I had added my maiden name to my contact information.
I couldn’t believe it when I received her message. In fact, I could not even read it aloud to my husband. Every time I tried, I started crying. It felt quite miraculous to be found. Actually, it was the idea that my cousin wanted to find me which brought my tears. Facebook messages were followed by phone calls which will hopefully — eventually — be followed by in-person visits.
But just feeling a connection to my cousins has rekindled my relationship to my dad. I’ve so missed having a dad. There was something about talking to the daughter and granddaughter of his sister which made me feel close to him — a feeling I wasn’t expecting.
I wish parents whose marriages end, could learn how to co-parent in such a way that children never feel separated or isolated from their family. I’ve heard they even have counselors these days that will help parents learn how to do this. Sounds like an endeavor worth whatever the cost!
I’ve not walked in the shoes of a divorced parent. So I may not be in the best position of giving advice to such parents. But I have experienced divorce as a child of divorce. And just maybe that gives me some authority to speak on this subject.
I know the pain, anger, resentment, confusion and loss that children feel when their parents separate — especially young children. And while I have no doubt that divorce is the right thing to do in many cases — I’m certain it was right for my mom — I think it imperative that divorced parents be able to see beyond their own feelings and attend to their children’s. And if they don’t think they are up to the task, then they need to get help from someone who is.
I like to think that if my dad had not died, forty-two years would not have passed before I had the pleasure of spending time with cousins. But like I said, it’s never too late to start. And I thank Facebook for giving me the opportunity!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Recently, I was listening to my mother read about the healing of the man by the pool of Bethesda. (John 5:1-9) I’ve read this account many times before. Perhaps you have as well. But it occurred to me as I heard his story yet again, that I’ve never given this man enough credit.
In fact, I’ve even ridiculed him for giving excuses when Jesus asked him if he wanted to be healed. I’ve thought, “Just say yes to the question, man! Jesus doesn’t want to hear all your complaints and excuses.”
If you’re not familiar with this story, many people believed that if you were the first person into this pool at a certain time, you would be healed of whatever your problem was. Apparently, this man had been ill for thirty-eight years. And he spent those thirty-eight years trying to be the first one in.
That’s when it hit me. He never gave up the wait. So maybe he was frustrated at times when others beat him into the water — thus his long answer to Jesus’ question. Still, his hope, his persistence, his effort, his expectation, didn’t disappear and diminish because of years of anguish. He was still waiting for his healing, even after thirty-eight years.
Undoubtedly, Jesus saw this man’s great faith, and he healed him. And the man learned he could be healed without getting into the pool!
I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to be faithfully waiting for something or someone for such a long time. How do you not become discouraged, downhearted or depressed? How do you not lose hope? How do you not give up and quit trying or waiting?
As I ponder this healing account, the answer seems fairly straight forward and could maybe even be described as simple – keep your faith.
It seems to me that the secret for maintaining hope is to keep our faith in reaching our goals and dreams strong and unwavering. I think the man by the pool of Bethesda would have waited another thirty-eight years if he had had to.
I would love to have that kind of faith! There have been many times when I didn’t get the answer I was hoping for quick enough, and I became disappointed and depressed and pretty much conceded defeat. I can’t help but wonder now what might have been if I had not given up.
My mother is like that man by the pool of Bethesda. At least she seems to have his kind of faith. No matter what kind of trouble her children get into or what kind of problems they have, her faith in them remains invincible. Nothing or no one could ever make her believe her children can’t overcome whatever it is that needs overcoming.
I suspect many — if not all — parents are like this. I certainly know I would never give up on my daughter and her dreams! I have no doubt whatsoever that she can accomplish whatever she sets her sights on. My faith in my daughter is also invincible.
I’ve seen dads giving encouragement to their child when it was their turn to bat. And I’ve seen moms confidently and courageously attend to their child’s injuries when they fell off their bike or got stung by a bee.
Parent’s faith in the well-being and success of their children would never diminish just because their children face a difficult struggle. No, that’s probably when the parent’s faith increases and grows even stronger and more resolute.
Perhaps we could all have more faith in ourselves. I admit I’ve reached a time in my life when I don’t have the same faith in my own goals and dreams as I once did.
One thing does seem very clear to me now. Disappointment and discouragement will lead us to defeat. So surely, the only way to success, healing and progress is confidence, persistence, courage and encouragement — faith.
We need to have the same confidence in ourselves that we have for our children. And we need to give ourselves the same encouragement as we give our children.
So how long do we wait — or have faith? The answer again seems simple. For as long as it takes!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Change — some people dread it, and others can’t get enough. It may be much like the idiom, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” When it comes to what we would alter or why we would make a modification, the answers vary because we all have different things we value, want, need and consider important.
Unlike some empty nesters, I’m one of those who can’t get enough change. Even when I’m not actively seeking it, I feel a hunger for it. And this often results in my imagination working overtime, wondering what I could change — replace, remodel, reorganize or improve and do differently.
Certainly, there are things I would never trade about my life. I adore my husband — one fact that is firm and fixed. Unfortunately, my dear husband is one of those folks who dreads change, so there are times his feelings impact the possibilities of what I would and can change in my own life.
Furthermore, sometimes what I think I might like to change and what I feel I can or would are different. When this happens to any of us, I think it’s important to examine why we feel we can’t or wouldn’t make a change.
What’s stopping us?
When I mention to my husband something I’m thinking about changing, he often responds with, “Why now?” And my response to him is always, “Why not?”
I think it’s the “Why not?” question that must be answered when we’re hesitant to make a change. And when I find my hesitancy is based on a fear, that’s when I become determined to conquer the fear.
Many times in my life I’ve let fear stop me from reaching some goal or aspiration. Since I can’t go back and change all the things I wish I had done, and living in regret is completely pointless, today my resolve is fierce when I’m faced with a fear that is trying to hold me back.
In short, I simply can’t allow fear to be what stops me from making a change!
Now, I do believe in making informed and educated decisions. And there could be information that might stop me from making a change.
It could also be that certain changes really are better at one time than at another. So, if a desired change shouldn’t happen today, it doesn’t mean that at some point in the future, that desired change couldn’t or shouldn’t happen.
But one thing is for sure, my friends — do not let fear paralyze you with uncertainty, indecisiveness and inaction. We must stop fear before it stops us.
It’s helpful to look at your fear straight on and examine what it is telling you. Perhaps your fear is saying, “You can’t do it or it will be too difficult.” “You’re afraid of what others will think.” “You will fail.” “You will be wrong.” “You won’t like the outcome.”
Some people say that fears can be rational and logical and are a helpful instinct that protects us from danger. I don’t think it is fear that makes decisions and actions rational, logical and safe, but rather knowledge, understanding, common sense as well as divine inspiration and revelation that serve us well.
At least from my own experience, I’ve found that fear is irrational and baseless. It is some illusive belief that would stop me from making my life better — happier, more satisfying, more interesting, more productive, more fun.
Changes are a natural — and can be a progressive — aspect throughout our life. Making a well thought-out change need not be feared but welcomed, explored and enjoyed.
Asking ourselves “Why not?” when considering some change can be very telling. We just may find that there really isn’t a good enough reason not to!
