Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
Self-pity is no party, my friends! Perhaps we’ve all thrown one of these at least once in our lives. Maybe we know some folks who throw one every day.
It can be easy to justify our sorrow. We feel people have done us wrong, our life is spinning out of our control, our dreams have been shattered, or we see ourselves as the victim of circumstances. So we may believe we have good reason to be down and depressed.
We need to leave this pity party, my friends, because these thought patterns are toxic and never worthwhile. They will destroy our hope for a better tomorrow and stifle us into a martyr complex that will blind us from our purpose and potential. Besides, no one has a good and happy time at a pity party!
I’ve held a few pity parties in my life. My favorite occasion for one is when I’m feeling unappreciated and misunderstood.
During a recent pity party, I came across a definition of self-pity which explained that self-pity doesn’t come from a sense of worthiness but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. And it referred to self-pity as the response of unapplauded pride and a wounded ego.
I hated to think of myself as having a wounded ego. Was my basis for feeling unappreciated and misunderstood really my hurt pride?
Admittedly, I may not be able to change the behavior and thoughts of the people around me, but I can change how I respond to them. Just the acknowledgement of this fact made me feel empowered and encouraged — no longer the helpless victim.
I couldn’t help but remember the story in the Bible about the man healed by the pool of Bethesda. (John 5:2-9) Now truly, if ever someone could have been justified in his feelings of self-pity, this guy would have been one. He had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. And for years, he had waited by this pool to be healed. The rumor was if you were the first to get in the water at a certain time, you would be cured of whatever ailment you were suffering from.
When Jesus came upon this man, he asked him, “Would you like to get well?”
Instead of a resounding “YES!” the man gave an excuse of why he couldn’t. He said, “I can’t, sir, for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.”
Of course, Jesus knew this man didn’t have to get into the pool to be healed. He knew God created him upright and healthy, and these qualities were his innate spiritual nature now and always. So Jesus told him, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!” And so he did. No more excuses, no more being a victim of circumstances, no more pity party.
When we feel the weight of the world is on our shoulders or we feel put upon or victimized, we can do something about our plight. I saw a sign that read, “Do you rise and shine or rise and whine?”
Whining, even when we feel it’s justified, will not help — will not result in healing, progress or resolution. So quite simply, it’s a waste of our time!
We can learn to stop self-pity when it attempts to creep into our thoughts. It may be normal to at first feel sad or sorry for ourselves when things go wrong. But we can immediately turn our sorrow into positive action. We can surround ourselves with things that bring joy and happiness and experience whatever makes us laugh. We can choose thankfulness as our ticket out of self-misery. If need be, we can make a list of all the good that has ever happened in our lives. We can’t feel sorrowful and grateful at the same time!
And Jesus did give us instruction on how to treat those that mistreat us when he said, “Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person…” (Matthew 5:44)
A wounded ego and unapplauded pride is not the best in me or you. We can leave behind anything and everything that is holding us back or keeping us down. And we can all rise and shine to a new day of joy, peace of mind, and infinite possibilities!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
If you’re like me, to stop procrastinating is easier said than done. I was born in Georgia, after all, so Scarlett’s words, “Tomorrow is another day,” run deep in my blood. My mother never threatened, “No dessert until you eat your veggies,” so I’ve had to work hard to come up with incentives to do whatever it is that I’m avoiding.
Procrastination has its roots in Latin, meaning “in favor of tomorrow.” The fact is, most of the time, it’s not really a matter of me wanting to wait until tomorrow — or next week or next year — to do whatever it is. Usually when I put something off, I regret that I did.
In college, I was one of those students who pulled “all-nighters” to write my papers. Sometimes — miraculously — they turned out pretty good. But then there were other times when I’m sure I could have done a better job if I had not been so rushed. In either case, I never enjoyed the stress and pressure I put myself under.
It’s been many years since my college days, and I still seem to be repeating the same old pattern of putting off. Indeed, I can come up with some elaborate reasons about how “now just isn’t a good time.”
I think there are many reasons why I put off until tomorrow what I could do today. Who doesn’t want to avoid unpleasant tasks? Or perhaps some things just feel too difficult? Sometimes I admit I put off long enough to make it impossible to do a good job. Then I have my handy excuse for failure since I just didn’t have enough time.
The two things I avoid most of all are laundry and doing our income tax. I know they need to be done. I know I have to do them. But surely tomorrow will be a better day!
There are many more things, however, that I hate putting off. And yet, still I do.
I will put off calling old friends when I mean to. Then it ends up never happening. Sadly, days, months, years pass until friendships become only memories.
There are other things I wish I would stop putting off, such as exercising, going for a walk, reading a new book, having lunch with a friend and finishing a project — to name a few. And there are always trips that are waiting to be taken — one of these days — or the diet to begin. However, I have recently begun my diet!
The truth is I often spend more time feeling bad about avoiding a task or project than it would have taken to complete it. And I am getting tired of promising myself that I won’t wait until the last minute next time.
I guess one reason this topic has come to my mind so strongly this week is because I have a new friend I’ve not gotten to know as well as I would like yet. And now this friend may be moving away soon. I’m realizing how lost opportunities come about when we don’t live more in the moment and make the most of each moment. Tomorrow isn’t always a possibility.
I have an old friend who moved away a few years ago. We’ve seen each other on occasion since. But for years we’ve talked about going on a trip together — just us girls. Needless to say, that hasn’t happened.
Well, my friends, that is about to change! I’m putting a stop to putting it off! Sometime in March you’ll undoubtedly be reading about my trip to Italy with my friend. I’m also going to start actually doing the things on my to-do lists. I’m breaking larger tasks into smaller ones, and I’m setting deadlines for myself, accompanied by a reward for getting each one done.
So my message to you today is the same message I’m saying to myself: Stop putting off! No more regrets! There is no better time than the present to be with our friends and family. And why add needless stress to our lives by putting “everything” off until tomorrow? Today is a good day, too!
Nov 17, 2010 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2010. All rights reserved.
“Where is your faith?” Jesus once asked. (Luke 8:25) He proclaimed that faith as a grain of mustard seed was powerful. (Matthew 17:20) Many times he told people who had been healed, “Thy faith made thee whole.” (Matthew 9:22, Mark 10:52) Faith definitely carried a lot of weight with Jesus!
Perhaps this is why he reprimanded his doubting disciple Thomas and said, “Because you have seen me you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen me and yet believe.” (John 20:29)
How many times when making a resolution, taking an action or when thinking about something you’re striving or hoping for, are you apprehensive, doubtful, leery, skeptical, unbelieving, wary or uptight about the desired results?
I found it compelling that this list of adjectives was among synonyms for those “without faith” in light of another saying of Jesus: “…according to your faith be it unto you.” (Matthew 9:29)
Could it be that our tentative and timid faith becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy?
This reminds me of when Moses led the Children of Israel through the wilderness for forty years in search of the Promised Land. I can’t help but wonder that perhaps they would have reached their desired destination quicker if they had not lost their faith so many times.
So what is it about faith that is so very powerful?
If our list of adjectives above gives us an indication of what it means to live without faith, perhaps we need to better understand what having faith entails.
The innocence of youth is often equated with blind belief, as if blind belief was somehow defining the meaning of faith. Hardly, my friends!
It seems to me that there’s nothing blind about the faith of children. Yes, children trust without question. They believe with conviction. Their confidence is unwavering. And their expectancy is definite. There is nothing provisional or hesitant about the faith of a child.
Children have faith because they know in their hearts what is true. Their faith rests entirely upon the certainty of their knowledge. So, of course, children are confident. Of course, they have no fear. Of course, they have no reason to doubt.
Oh to have child-like faith! Now that’s what I call having faith!
I’ve had times in my life when my faith was shaky. And it’s been in those times when I learned that my answer was found in “an absolute faith that all things are possible to God, — a spiritual understanding of Him, an unselfed love,” as Mary Baker Eddy writes.
Understanding God as Love, good and all is pretty powerful when you consider what these spiritual facts must then mean for you and your life as a child of God.
God’s love for His children surely means He is “a very present help in trouble.” (Psalms 46:1) God’s goodness must certainly mean He only wants good for His children. And the allness of God undoubtedly leaves no room for “evil” to have a permanent place or be a destructive force in our lives.
I’ve been learning that as I assert my God-given dominion and freedom, my faith brings deliverance and blessings and leads to divine heights.
Your knowledge of God and His promises can transform your world. What’s faith got to do with it? Jesus would say everything!
Nov 17, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
Are you ready to blaze a new road on your life journey?
I love the New Year! Each New Year feels like an opportunity for renewal, regeneration, restoration and renovation. And believe me, I always have plenty of resolutions to be implemented.
This year is no different! I have weight that I long to lose, career goals that I intend to pursue, relationships that I hope to improve, places I want to see, rooms in my house that I plan to reorganize and debts that simply must get paid off.
And since crossing one of those “age” hurdles in my life, I’ve been obsessed with the idea of doing and experiencing things I’ve never done before.
This makes me think of the introductory statement William Shatner used to make before each Star Trek episode. Remember it? He talked about exploring strange new worlds and seeking out new life forms and new civilizations — “to boldly go where no man has gone before.”
It’s words like “explore” and “new” that capture my imagination. I can certainly see that bold action is often required of a trailblazer, pioneer and groundbreaker.
After my husband and I walked a few trails in states like Colorado and Oregon, I couldn’t help but be grateful for the efforts and accomplishments made by explorers like Lewis and Clark. Over 200 years ago they set out on an amazing expedition where they faced unknown people, harsh conditions and territory they had never traveled before.
Walking through dense forests, even on a well-established trail, made me consider the courage and vision that must have been needed by the first trailblazers in order to imagine what was possible even when their view was blocked at first.
Who could imagine that on the other side of some steep mountains could be a vast ocean? Or who could imagine that in the midst of the forest would be a beautiful waterfall?
When we set out on a new trail in our life, we usually have no idea what we will find along our path —much less what we will discover at the end of our journey. Many times we probably have an idea about what we hope to find or experience along the way. But most likely, we can’t even begin to imagine the many surprises that we’ll undoubtedly encounter.
We can run into problems if we try to outline our expectations too much. When we don’t see what we think we’re going to see at the moment we thought we would, disappointment and discouragement can cause us to miss something unexpected and equally as wonderful as what we had hoped for.
So the lesson here, my friends, is to expect the unexpected and love the experience when you’re blessed with it.
Lee Ann Womack begins her song “I hope you dance” with “I hope you never lose your sense of wonder.” Hearts filled with wonder hunger to be surprised and eagerly anticipate the wonderment of all they will see and experience.
Remember the wonder of your first kiss, your first day of college or your first airplane ride?
One of my New Year’s resolutions this year is to find new wonder in the things I do each day. Wonder makes our lives more meaningful and enjoyable. I can see now how not having wonder leads to boredom and cynicism. It could be that part of my desire for something new and exciting is a wake-up call to rediscover my sense of wonder in what is already in my life.
So let’s rekindle our sense of wonder if we need to and make each day of our New Year more wonder-full. I suspect this will make blazing new trails as well as walking old ones much more fun!
Nov 17, 2009 |
by Annette Bridges. ©2009. All rights reserved.
The New Year is fast approaching. A Facebook friend recently commented, “I’ll be happy to see 2009 in my rearview mirror.” I suspect she is not the only one who feels this way.
Yet even though some may be ready for their year to end, others are having some trepidation about the New Year and the changes it promises.
New beginnings sometimes bring both an excitement and an uncertainty. And sometimes the uncertainty leads to fear that can thwart our forward momentum and progress.
Indeed, fear can freeze us in our tracks and stop us from making decisions and taking steps that are good for us. Perhaps we’re afraid of making the same mistakes we made last year. Or perhaps we’re simply not sure which next step is the best one to take. So we do nothing!
There’s a song that often comes to my mind when I think about making a new beginning. It’s based upon an Old Testament story. (Genesis Chapter 26)
Once upon a time Isaac and his wife Rebekah were forced to move several times. Moving in those days meant digging a new well of water each time in their new habitat. Again and again, they settled in a location where they were unwelcomed. And their “enemy” filled their well with dirt in an attempt to make them move.
And so they would. Isaac and his family would simply pick up camp and move to a new place and dig another well.
Paul Overstreet wrote a song about “Ike” — as he calls him — titled “Dig another well.” The chorus pretty much sums up his main point and why this song has often come to my mind when thinking about making a new start.
“So when the rains don’t fall and the crops all fail,
And the cows ain’t puttin’ any milk in the pail,
Don’t sit around waitin’ for a check in the mail,
Just pick up the shovel and dig another well,
Pick up the shovel and dig another well.”
The solution is pretty simple, my friends. So you need to start over somewhere? Things have not worked out where you are now? Don’t hesitate. Don’t sit around in dismay and disappointment. Don’t ruminate over what could have been. “Just pick up the shovel and dig another well.”
I love this advice, and there have been many times when I’ve had to give heed to it!
And here’s the good news. Every time Isaac’s servants dug a new well, they found water. And so will we all when we begin anew. There will always be new opportunities and possibilities available to us. New ideas and discoveries await everyone who takes on a new adventure.
Recognize that God’s wisdom and care is at work in your life. Affirm that God wants only good for His children. Acknowledge His presence and power as the guiding influence each day — each moment — of your life today and tomorrow.
Trust His direction to lead you to the perfect home, job, relationship. The promise of 2010 brings a happy anticipation. This is a time to rejoice. We can expect a better year.
So come on in New Year! We’re ready for you!
